Here’s How I Convinced ‘God Friended Me’ To Follow Me On Twitter

My favorite type of articles to write are the ones that cause friends, family members, and complete strangers to reach out and ask, “Hey, man. Everything okay?” That’s what happened when I recently tried to convince the upcoming series God Friended Me to follow me on Twitter. The show, which premieres Sunday, September 30 on CBS, is about an atheist whose life is turned upside down after he’s “friended” by God on Facebook. Surely in our digitally savvy age a program so entrenched in social media would be open to engaging in a Twitter friendship with its fans, right? Not exactly.

The official Twitter page of the show only follows ten people and those accounts are associated with the network or series. Could I, a simple writer with a penchant for nonsense, pierce the corporate monolith known as CBS? Renowned life coach and Shallow Hall star Tony Robbins once said, “It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” I didn’t truly understand those words until I tried to convince the CBS series God Friended Me to follow me on Twitter.

Destiny. Twitter. Applebee’s. Writer/TV personality Dave Holmes. This story has many twists and turns. A true hero’s journey begins with a single step. Here is my own personal David vs. Goliath tale.

The Genesis: September 4, 2018: It All Begins With A Simple Tweet

You know how many steps Neil Armstrong took on the moon before July 20, 1969? Zero. Innovators like Neil and I thrive on bravery and so on September 4th, I took one small step for man as well as one giant leap for mankind when I reached out to God Friended Me’s Twitter account with a simple request. Was it ignored? Yes. But with the figurative heart of an astronaut and the literal heart of a writer, I gamely continued.

Word on the street is that it took God six days to create the world and probably like, I don’t know, at least a couple of months for Armstrong to mosey around the moon. My point? Heroic, life-altering endeavors take time.

September 6th: Time To Create A Buzz

Social media thrives on buzz. A tweet leads to a retweet which leads to Sh*t My Dad Says inexplicably becoming a television show. It’s not a perfect system, but dammit, it’s the best one we got. Ideally, I would’ve asked one of my many celebrity followers to tweet God Friended Me on my behalf, but I wanted to save those potential favors for if and when I ever start my homage to HBO’s Entourage podcast, Ent-homage. I decided instead to enlist the help of four of my closest non-celebrity friends: Jade Budowski, Applebee’s, Joe DiBella, and Chili’s Bar and Grill.

Jade and Joe came through — tweeting at God Friended Me on my behalf — but if I’ve learned one thing from this journey, it’s that you should never trust a meddling casual dining chain with your heart. I politely contacted Applebee’s and Chili’s with mutually beneficial offers, but much like a negative Yelp comment that derides the lack of a sizzle from a supposedly crackling hot fajita, I was ignored.

I’m not saying you should boycott these fine establishments, but I am saying that Cracker Barrel would never pull an amateur-hour stunt like that.

September 10th: “You Say You Want A Revolution” — The Beatles (And Me)

I continued to tweet friendly reminders at the God Friended Me account. On September 6, they even “liked” one of my messages, perhaps under the impression that a pedestrian “like” would extinguish my fire. No dice. I’m nothing if not an inferno of free time, baby!

“Enough games,” I said out loud to my empty apartment because my friends and co-workers were sick of hearing me talk about this. I decided to embark upon a path that people fighting social injustice and/or fans peeved that Hart of Dixie was canceled have been doggedly traversing for years: an online petition. Here’s the thing, nothing says I deserve to be taken seriously more than starting an online petition.

My petition currently has six supporters. Well, five if you don’t include me, and zero if you don’t include my co-workers. I decided to check-in with Applebee’s.

September 19: “Sure, I can get a little bit jealous. The good part about jealousy is that it comes from passion.” — Matthew McConaughey, actor (Dallas Buyers Club, Unsolved Mysteries)

Over the next week, I reached out to the God Friended Me Writers account (no luck) and contacted the PR department for the show. I told my CBS contact that I’d love to interview the cast… about why the show’s social media account refuses to follow me on Twitter. For reasons unknown, the publicist never responded to my email.

Bent but not broken, I decided to employ a different method: I would make the CBS series God Friended Me jealous by brazenly flirting with another TV show. Yes, this sounds peculiar, but in my defense… nope. Even I’ll admit that this was a weird way to go. But it worked.

I sent a tweet to God Friended Me informing them that the upcoming NBC series New Amsterdam followed me on Twitter. I’ll level with you: I was lying. Big time. I followed New Amsterdam on Twitter hoping for a cordial follow back, but I guess professional civility died the day Frasier went off the air. Also, New Amsterdam, don’t make the tagline of your entire show “How can I help?” if you DON’T PLAN ON ACTUALLY HELPING.

I was beginning to think all was lost until something happened that made me lose my tossed salad and scrambled eggs: God Friended Me responded to me… and then immediately deleted their tweet. What kind of game were these diabolical geniuses playing?

Thankfully, I was able to screenshot their admittedly clever retort:

I guess I better address the jazzy elephant in the room. Yes, I was listening to “City of Stars” from La La Land. You caught me. C’mon, you’ve never had a bad day?! Sorry I wasn’t jamming out to Drake or Sister Hazel or whatever it is the keen kids are bopping out to these days. Don’t let Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone saving jazz, whimsy, and cinema in general conceal the larger point: God Friended Me was taunting me. Their staunch refusal to follow me on Twitter left me with no alternative: I would tattle on them.

But first, an update from our friends at Applebee’s.

Am I angry with Applebee’s? No. All I want is a public apology and free Applebee’s food for the rest of my life. Alcohol included.

September 21: Judgement Day Part 1

I had a three-part plan to finally acquire that Twitter follow I so desperately sought, and honestly, at this point, deserved. Step 1: Perform the equivalent of “I’d like to speak to your manger.”

Step 2. Become a background extra on God Friended Me. Okay, yes, this seems like an overreaction, but I will not be taunted by a CBS series. Maybe Becker, but that’s it.

This scheme isn’t as absurd as it sounds. I used to work with Dave Waldron of Waldron Casting, the company that handles the background casting for God Friended Me. I texted Dave and he agreed to bring up my extremely important issue with the show’s office coordinator at the next meeting. I had infiltrated the system.

Step 3: Offer free publicity:

September 21: Judgement Day Part 2: Revelations

Call it fate, a miracle, divine intervention, or a social media coordinator becoming so maddeningly annoyed with one man’s constant badgering that they let out an exasperated “fiiiinnnnneeeee.” After an embarrassing amount of time, God Friended Me finally followed me back on Twitter.

I, Josh Sorokach, am now the 11th account they follow on Twitter. God Friended Me finally friended me. I can’t wait to have celebratory brunch with father/husband/TV writer Steven Lilien.

At a few points during my arduous and extremely heroic journey, I lost my way. I’d been overtaken by the seven deadly sins: pride, greed, not talking to strangers, and whatever the other ones are. But my adorable delirium belies the larger lesson: Anything is truly possible. As of now, the official Twitter account for God Friended Me follows the cast, the show’s creative team, CBS, and me, a rank stranger.

The best part? I did it without the help of Applebee’s Neighborhood Bar and Grill.

I almost lost my faith but then I found God Friended Me, which as I am now morally obligated to inform you premieres Sunday, September 30th on CBS (or you can watch the first episode online). Hallelujah.

Where to stream God Friended Me