Stream and Scream

Killer Pets: The 9 Most Dangerous Animals In Pop Culture History

By Mark Graham @unclegrambo

Published Oct. 14, 2018, 12:00 p.m. ET

collage of Gremlins, Monkey Shines, and Watership Down — Man's best friend? Hardly! Click or swipe to read our list of 9 pop culture pets you should definitely avoid.Photos: Everett Collection ; Illustration: Dillen Phelps

CUJO, St. Bernard, 1983 — **ANIMAL:** Dog (St. Bernard)
**GENUS:** *Canis*
**MOVIE:** *Cujo*
**RATIONALE:** My least favorite animal is the dog, which you might think is weird, because they're supposedly man's best friend? This has always confused me, mainly because I feel like I'm always reading stories about dogs who eat their owners. Anyway, Stephen King's seminal book for dog haters, *Cujo*, was originally published in 1981 and turned into a fairly terrifying (albeit low budge) 1983 movie starring Dee Wallace and *Who's The Boss* star Danny Pintauro. Rabies, man.
Photo: Everett Collection

KILLER PETS DRAGONS — **ANIMAL:** Dragon
**GENUS:** *Draco*
**SHOW:** *Game Of Thrones*
**RATIONALE:** Daenerys Targaryen, aka Dany aka Khaleesi aka the Mother Of Dragons, keeps not one, not two, but THREE dragons as pets. I mean, I suppose you could make a drunken argument that they are their children --she is the Mother of Dragons, after all-- but that would require ignoring the fact that she didn't actually lay the dragon eggs. Anyway, these pets were pretty cool (aside from the occasional goat slaughter) until one of them got turned into a zombie ice dragon by the Night King and NOW don't you wish all pets were spayed and/or neutered like Bob Barker always suggested?
Photo: HBO

**ANIMAL:** Wild boar
**SPECIES:** *Sus scrofa*
**MOVIE:** *Hannibal*
**RATIONALE:** The less said about Ridley Scott's 2001 *Hannibal*, the better. It was super disappointing when it was released, and has managed to get even worse with the passage of time. Yet it did teach us a valuable lesson: Don't have wild boars as pets. Sure, they'll eat your enemies, but they won't show you even a single shred of loyalty when you get pushed from your wheelchair into their den by your spineless manservant. Next thing you know they'll be eating your face! (Just ask poor Mason Verger.)
Photo: HBO

KILLER PETS RABBIT WOUNDWART — **ANIMAL:** Rabbit
**FAMILY:** *Leporidae*
**MOVIE:** *Watership Down*
**RATIONALE:** Bunnies are cute and fuzzy, right? WRONG. *Buffy The Vampire Slayer*'s Anya had it right when she sang "Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! / They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!" Case in point: General Woundwart (pictured above). Not exactly the kind of thing you want to find a petting zoo, let alone your garage.

**ANIMAL:** Alligator
**SPECIES:** *Alligator mississippiensis*
**MOVIE:** *Lake Placid*
**RATIONALE:** Okay. Alligators aren't normally considered "pets." However, in the 1999 film *Lake Placid*, Betty White --then a spritely 77-years-young!-- treated the giant alligator living in Lake Placid like her pet. She fed it cows, fer Chrissakes! Following a train of Foxworthian logic, if you're feeding an animal on the reg, it might just be your pet.
Photo: Everett Collection

**ANIMAL:** Monkey
**SUBORDER:** *Haplorhini*
**MOVIE:** *Monkey Shines*
**RATIONALE:** Monkeys, man. They're *almost* human (if you believe in evolution). That makes them *almost* evil, too. Wait, who am I kidding. THEY ARE TOTALLY EVIL! Remember that monkey from *Outbreak*? He was evil. Remember the monkey from *Monkey Shines* (pictured above)? Definitely evil. Remember those monkeys from *The Planet Of The Apes*? I don't know if monkeys and apes are the same but I'm going to assume YES and say they're evil, too. Even those cigarette-smoking monkeys from *Project X* seemed like they were probably up to no good when Matthew Broderick wasn't around.
©Orion Pictures Corp/Courtesy E

**ANIMAL:** Piranha
**GENUS:** *Pygocentrus*
**MOVIE:** *Piranha 3D*
**RATIONALE:** Fish might seem like harmless pets, but let them out of the bowl JUST ONCE and this is what will happen.
©Dimension Films/Courtesy Evere

**ANIMAL:** Gremlin
**GENUS:** *Mogwai*
**MOVIE:** *Gremlins*
**RATIONALE:** TFW you procrastinate when you should be Christmas shopping which leads to buying a mogwai from a sketchy guy in Chinatown and despite your best efforts to warn your dumb kids not to spill water on the damn thing or feed the creature after midnight they go and do it anyway and the next thing you know one of them has got a mohawk and another is wearing red lipstick and you're kind of turned on but then they send your elderly neighbor flying through her front window and they take over the bar downtown and all of a sudden Christmas is ruined amirite?
Photo: Everett Collection

Where to Stream:

Lady and the Tramp

Stream and Scream

Stream It Or Skip It: ‘The Exorcism’ on VOD, an Almost-Meta Horror Flick That Puts the Frock and Collar on Russell Crowe Again

Shelley Duvall's 'Shining' Eyes Were The Audience's Portal Into The Overlook Hotel

Is 'Longlegs' Really the Scariest Movie of the Year?

'The Acolyte' Proves To Be Yet Another Divisive 'Star Wars' Offering, But Everyone Agrees This Scary Ass Mask Is Pure Nightmare Fuel

I’ll start this with a confession: I don’t like animals. Actually, let me clarify: It’s not that I don’t like animals, it’s more than it’s just that I’m not friendly with animals. And, let me assure you, the feeling is mutual. After a childhood incident not nearly traumatic enough to describe here in any sort of detail, I’ve been wary of animals (and they of me).

The great majority of people cannot understand my stance on this. Most people are dog people, and those that aren’t tend to be cat people. (Buy me a drink sometime and I’ll tell you which people I prefer.) If you’re not a dog or a cat person, you’re probably a fish person. Or a horse person. Or if you’re Jonathan Franzen, you’re very much a bird person. Point being EVERYONE has a favorite animal. Except for me.

Pop culture has gone to great lengths over the years to tell us how wonderful dogs (Lassie, Clifford, Old Yeller, Marley) and cats (Milo, Garfield, Hello Kitty, and even Mr. Bigglesworth) are, but I tend to gravitate to stories about the dark side of these furry fiends. Movies and shows in which the faith that humans put in wild animals to treat them kindly (i.e., not eat them) goes really, really wrong. It being October and all, I figured now was as good a time as any to compile a few of them here for you. If you learn but one thing from this list, animal lovers, I hope it’s this: Sleep with one eye open.

Where to stream Lady And The Tramp