4 Celebrity Human Centipedes We’d Love to See

You may or may not be aware that there’s a horror movie called The Human Centipede (First Sequence). Written, directed, produced, and presumably catered by a man named Tom Six, the movie spawned two sequels: Full Sequence, and Final Sequence. Even if you’ve never seen any of these movies, which is totally OK, you’re probably somewhat familiar with the subject matter, because from the moment the first movie was released in 2009, “Human Centipede” has become part of the popular vernacular.

But in case not, here goes: a human centipede is what happens when you take three or more people and sew them together so they have to crawl on the floor like an insect. The two people in back have their mouths sewn on to the other people’s anuses. That’s pretty much the whole thing. In the span of scientific research, it probably rates lower than other Nobel Prize winning projects. But as a movie series… Well, same.

Regardless, the myth of the human centipede has pervaded pop culture for almost a decade. The last film was released to generally terrible reviews in 2015, and the series would seem to be finished.

But what if it wasn’t? What if, instead, they rebooted Human Centipede as Celebrity Human Centipede. It’s worked to goose ratings for innumerable reality shows, so why not here, too? To that end (no pun intended), here’s four celebrity human centipedes we’d love to see.

And when I say “we” I’m referring to the entire staff of Decider, who I have definitely discussed this with and everyone is unilaterally on board with this idea.

Okay, here goes:

Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau and Owen Wilson

Vaughn and Favreau are amazing together. Vaughn and Wilson were awesome in Wedding Crashers. But we haven’t really seen them all collaborate on one project. Time to sew their mouths to their butts, baby, and make a human centipede! Heck, send them to Vegas and watch that magic happen!

Damon Wayans, Clayne Crawford and Sean William Scott

Wayans and Crawford had a public, epic falling out on the set of FOX’s Lethal Weapon, leading to Crawford abruptly leaving the show. He was replaced by Sean William Scott, which should have smoothed things over… Yet a season later, Wayans is leaving! Clearly the situation got so toxic there, the whole thing is falling apart. Except Lethal Weapon is a big property, and FOX really needs to pull out all the stops to keep the franchise going. So why not get them together to hash things out, and see if we can’t save one of the biggest shows on the network by sewing their bodies together? Granted, I do feel bad about bringing Scott into this, but as the saying goes: it takes three to make a human centipede.

The Cast Of Firefly

At this point, a revival of Firefly seems dead in the water. The stars have all moved on to other projects, and the story was pretty much resolved in the film adaptation, Serenity. But fans are always clamoring for another go at Joss Whedon’s space set series. How about instead of a Firefly revival, we surgically attach them to each other in a line, a la the massive human centipede in Human Centipede: Full Sequence? Wouldn’t that be fun? What a fun time!

Bill Cosby And Harvey Weinstein

Honestly they deserve this.

Where to stream The Human Centipede (First Sequence)