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The holidays are supposed to be the cheeriest time of the year, a time when people come together to celebrate how much they love their families, their friends, the world, and one another. And it’s exhausting. Merriment is fine and all but after a week straight of manic joy neutral apathy or even sadness start to feel like a luxury.
Thankfully television was created with all temperaments in mind, from the jolliest folks who start buying fake snow on December 1 to those of us who prefer to spend the end of the year sulking, this time with some hot chocolate. If you fall more in the latter category we have you covered. Below are some of the darkest holiday specials you can currently stream, but be warned. Some of these holiday installations aren’t for the faint of heart.
From The Addams Family to even certain episodes of Bob’s Burgers, it’s not uncommon to find a holiday special that’s happy to add a dash of darkness to their uplifting tales. These specials may feature a disembodied head or a murder, but their ultimate message is just as uplifting as anything else playing on ABC in December. These episodes aren’t that. In its own way each one brutally dissects and mocks the swirl of emotions and socio-political complexity lurking around the edges of the happiest time of the year. In short, they’re bummers. But isn’t that what we all secretly need during the most wonderful time of the year?
'Tales from the Crypt,' "All Through the House"
What pairs better with eggnog than murder? This first installment of the anthology movie follows a woman who has killed her husband on Christmas Eve (Joan Collins). But in the midst of covering up her original crime, the aptly named Joanne Clayton faces another challenge — an escaped serial killer. “All Through the House” isn’t emotionally devastating so much as a campy gorefest. And who doesn’t want that during December?
'Futurama,' "Xmas Story"
Matt Groening’s sci-fi series was never afraid to imagine a dark future, but Futurama’s prediction for Santa is another degree of horrifying. Somewhere between the years 2000 and 3000 a robot Santa was created to make the myth a reality. The only problem? Robo-Santa’s naughty or nice standards are too strict, resulting in the new holiday tradition of cowering in wait of his unholy arrival. It’s a very silly and very disturbing take on a classic children’s character.
'South Park,' "Woodland Critter Christmas"
On its happiest days, Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s animated Comedy Central show is a lot. But “Woodland Critter Christmas” is the height of messed up seasonal specials. Sure there are sweet animals but there are also blood orgies, the birth of the antichrist, and mountain lion murder. The entire episode is an exercise in what South Park could get past the censors. Turns out the answer to that question is basically everything.
'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,' "A Very Sunny Christmas"
As delightfully warped as Always Sunny’s Christmas special is, the only clears the bar of irredeemably dark thanks to one character — Charlie. Seeing Dee and Dennis try to scam Frank for presents is funny, and any time Mac pines for his dad’s affection it’s a morbidly good time. But it’s Charlie’s confrontation with Santa that takes things to a psychotic place. Really the line “Santa, did you fuck my mom?” speaks for itself.
Watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "A Very Sunny Christmas" on Hulu
'Tales from the Darkside,' "Seasons of Belief"
We all know what happens to good kids who believe in Santa Claus. But what happens to the boys and girls who are naughty all year but don’t care about Kris Kringle? According to this episode of television, they get their neck snapped. Say hello to the “Grither.”
Watch Tales from the Darkside, "Seasons of Belief" on Shudder
'King of the Hill,' "Pretty, Pretty Dresses"
Mike Judge’s ever-funny and pointed comedy about family, conservatism, and propane typically flirted with sadder topics but always ended on a happy note. But this Season 2 Christmas special is the exception. “Pretty, Pretty Dresses” starts with Bill trying to kill himself and ends with him having a severe psychotic break. As morbidly funny as it is to watch Hank and his friends thwart Bill’s half-hearted suicide attempts, what transitions the episode from dark to haunting is its exploration about how no one — not even Hank and certainly not Bill — can fully let go of the past. “Pretty, Pretty Dresses” may end with Bill coming to terms with the wife who left him, but the past never releases its hold on these Texas citizens.
'ALF,' "ALF's Special Christmas"
We don’t know who hurt the writers of ALF Season 2 but apologies are owed. The episode starts with a jolly enough premise — Mr. Foley wants to kill himself because he can’t bear the thought of spending the holidays without his recently deceased wife. From there it’s all suicide attempts, deeply depressing childhood stories, chronically ill dying children, and studio laugh tracks. Fun for the whole family!
'Black Mirror,' "White Christmas"
What would the holiday season be without the most terrifying episode of one of the most disturbing shows ever created? Set in the middle of a snowy outpost two men, Jon Hamm and Rafe Spall, share what they used to do to pass the time. But it’s Hamm’s soul-breaking examination of the moral obligations we have to artificial intelligence and his ultimate lot in life that swing the episode from interesting to devastating. Without giving too much away, you’ll never look at the value of community — or the star of Mad Men — the same way again.
'Moral Orel,' "The Best Christmas Ever"
Try all you want, you can’t get darker than Dino Stamatopoulos’ take on the holidays. Over the Adult Swim show’s 12-minute pilot Moral Orel scathingly criticizes the hallow consumerism of Christmas and the hypocrisy of Christianity while unveiling a divorce like no other. Despite its cheery musical numbers, there are no happy lessons, no resolutions. There’s just pain and and the numb discomfort of one little boy’s powerlessness as his world falls apart. It truly doesn’t get bleaker than this.
