We Don’t Have A Hanukkah Movie Canon Because Hanukkah Is Not An Important Holiday

Every year around this time, the internet becomes flooded with lists about “The Best Christmas Movies” and “The Best Holiday Specials” and “The Best Christmas Classic from Each Decade, Including the Years Before Movies Had Sound.” If you’re Jewish, the non-stop parade of Christmas — excuse me, holiday — programming can start to feel a little tiring, and before long, you may find yourself wondering, “Why isn’t there a Hanukkah movie canon? Where are my must-see Festival of Light classics?” I don’t blame my fellow Members of the Tribe for feeling this way, but I’m also here to tell you that you shouldn’t feel this way because Hanukkah is an unimportant holiday, and unimportant holidays don’t deserve to be canonized.

At first blush, (C)Hanuk(k)ah seems pretty interesting. To commemorate the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and the Temple’s final drop of oil lasting for eight nights, Jews all around the world light the menorah, play games, and eat fried food. Fire, gambling, and donuts? Sounds freaking awesome. Because all this usually happens in December, we receive gifts from parents, grandparents, and friends in an attempt to make Jewish kids feel included in the Christmas-time consumerism. It’s not exactly “Christmas for the Jews,” but it’s become pretty damn close.

This is all well and good, but, as any Jewish kid with crotchety parents likely learned at a young age, Hanukkah is what we call a “minor holiday.” As a result, there’s really no consensus about how to celebrate Hanukkah, from the gifts — do you go eight small gifts, or one large one? — to the decorations — are lights too Christmas-y, or are they just plain ol’ festive? — to the food — applesauce or sour cream? (the answer is both). Like all things in Judaism, there are a lot of opinions, and not a lot of answers.

And that brings me to the non-existent Hanukkah canon. How can you celebrate a holiday that means so many different things to so many different people? There’s no Hanukkah version of the heterosexual couple wearing red and green on a movie poster (if there were, it would just look like the No Reservations poster but with unhappy people covered in latke oil). The one unifying thing about Hanukkah is that it leaves Jews with nothing to do on Christmas — but who wants to watch a movie about a man coming home from work on Christmas Eve, ordering Chinese food, watching Netflix, and then looking at the movie times for the next day?

Now, I know what you’re going to say: “But there are some great Hanukkah classics out there!” I absolutely agree that Rugrats Chanukah, Eight Crazy Nights, and the 2003 Disney Channel Original Movie Full Court Miracle are must-see holiday fare, but are they canon? Hardly. You’d be hard-pressed to find these titles playing on Hallmark, Freeform, or any of the major networks over these eight nights, as Christmas classics do all month long. Plus, there are huge groups of people who have never even heard of Full Court Miracle‘s Philadelphia Hebrew Academy, Rugrats‘ Pickles family, and probably just Adam Sandler in general.  A 10-year-old Jewish kid not knowing “The Hanukkah Song,” which many think of as the central piece of Hanukkah entertainment,  is likely much more common than a 10-year-old Christian kid not knowing It’s a Wonderful Life.

Hallmark hopes to change all this with their upcoming Hanukkah movies, but I’m skeptical. According to Forbes, Hallmark and its sister network, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, are developing two Hanukkah films for next holiday season. Details about the films are being kept under wraps, but a spokesperson said the first, Holiday Date, will have “Hannukah [sic] elements … which is a lot of fun as Hanukkah and Christmas overlap in 2019.” Calling Holiday Date a Hanukkah film seems a little disingenuous, especially considering that the network can’t be bothered to pick one of the THREE correct ways to spell the holiday. If Hanukkah and Christmas didn’t overlap in 2019, it’s likely that this wouldn’t be a film at all, as Hanukkah needs the Christmas spirit to push it into viable plot territory.

Representation in film and TV is undoubtedly important, but in this case, it isn’t. There’s no need for a Hanukkah canon because, frankly, the holiday isn’t interesting or important enough to merit one. And really, why would we want Hanukkah companions to the thousands of Christmas titles debuting this month? Those movies are shitty, anyway.

Where to stream Eight Crazy Nights

Watch Rugrats Chanukah on Hulu