Claire Spellberg’s Top 10 of Everything in 2018

Floribama Shore‘s Kortni is the best reality star MTV has ever had (yes, even better than the early days of Snooki). Kortni first made waves in Season 1 when she drunkenly peed in someones bed — on the very first night — and now, in Season 2, she’s fully matured into the world’s most entertaining shitshow. On any given night, Kortni is out at the bar in pajamas, dancing in a squid hat, crawling up the stairs like the creepy girl in The Ring, and/or (usually and) puke-and-rallying like a fucking champ.

See above for the puke, see below for the rally.

Honestly, I’m not really sure how Kortni survives as a human being — her roommates call her a giraffe, so maybe that’s more accurate — but I don’t really care. This girl could make standing in line at the UPS Store interesting.

Now, I shall leave you with this:

Where to stream Floribama Shore

Blockers was such a great surprise this year. What looked like another comedy that packed all the good jokes in the trailer turned out to be one of the sweetest, laugh-out-loud funniest movies of the year. My favorite joke comes around the end of the film, when Leslie Mann‘s character finds herself stuck in a hotel room with her daughter (Big LittleLies’ Kathryn Newton) as she’s about to lose her virginity (the daughter, not the mom… obviously).

In an attempt to preserve the moment for both of them, Mann climbs around the back of the TV, but her plan is thwarted when she gets electrocuted. Mann falls to the ground shaking, and after briefly trying to find the source of the noise, the high schoolers keep on gettin’ it on. I’m not lying when I say that I howled out loud when I saw this in the theater, and I am positive I’ll howl again when Blockers premieres on HBO this Saturday, December 15.

Where to stream Blockers

Full disclosure: I was once a Late Night with Seth Meyers intern, and it was awesome. Right around when I started, in Summer 2016 (a particularly interesting time to work at a late night show), Late Night began running a new segment called “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.” The bit is pretty simple, and it can be summed up in the introduction: “I’m black!” says writer Amber Ruffin. “And I’m gay!” says writer Jenny Hagel. “And we’re both women,” adds Ruffin. “And I’m not!” concludes Meyers, the token straight, white dude.

Meyers reads the set-ups, and Hagel and Ruffin chime in with punchlines about police brutality, dating women, and stereotypes of all kinds. The jokes are pointed, funny, and fresh — three things that many late night jokes are not. By the end, the women convince Meyers to make a joke of his own, and when it goes badly, he exclaims, “Black women and lesbians are liars!”

In the years since I was at Late Night, the “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment has only gotten more relevant. It’s great to see the show’s diverse writing staff on display, and the bit serves as a microcosm of the “Who Gets to Say What” argument that plays out in everyday debates. But perhaps more importantly, “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” has also gotten funnier since my time at Late Night. The show doesn’t run the bit ever night or even every week, but when it does, it provides four minutes of non-stop laughs. These days, that counts for a whole lot.

Where to stream Late Night with Seth Meyers

HBO’s Sharp Objects may have been polarizing, but I was totally game for the slow-burn, Southern gothic mystery. Amy Adams is unbelievable as reporter Camille Preaker, and her performance is made even better (as if that were possible) by supporting turns from Patricia Clarkson, Eliza Scanlen, and Chris Messina. Under the direction of Big Little Lies‘ Jean-Marc Vallee, Sharp Objects treated viewers to a searing take on victimhood, femininity, and guilt unlike anything else in 2018. Thank god Sharp Objects, unlike BLL, is staying a limited series — we don’t want to run the risk of ruining eight near-perfect episodes.

Watch Sharp Objects on HBO

https://www.instagram.com/p/BnriRFaH346/

I think about this Instagram at least twice a day.

As a Riverdale fan and Bughead stan, Cole Sprouse’s birthday post to Lili Reinhart (but really to me) is everything all mid-20s celebrity couples should aspire to. It’s sexy, it’s sweet, it’s everything.

It would be easy to include Betty and Jughead in this list, but frankly, I like Reinhart and Sprouse’s IRL relationship way more (the fact that underboob doesn’t fly on The CW also isn’t helping Bughead’s cause). While they occasionally post racy pics like these (and KJ Apa recreates them), the couple generally keeps things pretty private, and I’m very into that. I don’t need to know every time you guys have dinner — I just want to see the good stuff, like the Met Gala or your ventures into some random desert. Reinhart and Sprouse both seem like pretty cool people, so let’s just leave them alone if they want to be left alone, okay?

Except when it comes to this picture. I will never leave anyone alone about this picture.

Where to stream Riverdale

I have a confession: I really don’t like musicals. It makes me feel weird when people burst into song and we’re supposed to just go with it. But that being said, for reasons I cannot fully articulate, I really like the Mamma Mia! movies. Maybe it’s Amanda Seyfried, maybe its the ABBA, I don’t know — I just like them.

So naturally, I’m a huge fan of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again‘s end credits scene, which features an all-cast reunion (including Cher and Meryl Streep) set to “Super Trouper.” If you’re having a down day, I highly suggest checking it out: there’s nothing better than watching the three original leading men dance next to their younger doppelgängers as the three young stars sing with their later-in-life selves. Everyone looks so alike, the music is catchy, the costumes are amazing — I could go on, but I won’t. All I’ll say is that I’ve watched this video about a thousand times, and every time I watch it, I get so freaking mad that I didn’t make my friends dress up as the “Super Trouper” end credits scene for Halloween.

Where to stream Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

GLOW‘s episode-within-an-episode, “The Good Twin,” is pure fun. In “The Good Twin,” GLOW takes a break from real-life and treats viewers to a “straight-to-the-airwaves episode of G.L.O.W.,” the K-DTV series that employs the show’s female wrestlers. At the request of her twin sister, Zoya, Olga (Alison Brie plays both in peak comedic form) travels to the United States to keep Liberty Bell’s daughter in captivity. However, Olga quickly gets distracted by hot dogs, Hollywood, and Mickey Rourke, and when she recovers from her tubular meat-induced stupor, she realizes that Zoya is up to some nasty business. Will “the good twin” defect from the Soviet Union and join forces with Liberty Bell to save American innocence? Or will Olga’s Soviet impulses win the day?

The Zoya-Olga-Liberty Bell trifecta would have been more than enough (dayenu, as it were), but GLOW is a show that keeps on giving. Intercut with this main story is a charity performance for a song titled “Don’t Kidnap,” a B-plot about Britannica turning a mannequin into a person, a bit about Sheila eating her goat lover, a jazzercise video, and a music video about makeup, among other things. It’s all so ridiculous! And so fun! You’ve got to love a show that lets its crazy hang out right in the open.

Watch GLOW Season 2 Episode 8 "The Good Twin" on Netflix

Time will henceforth be divided into two distinct eras: before Amanda Bynes‘ Paper Magazine profile came out, and after. Bynes’ “Break the Internet” profile quite literally broke my internet, as I got so excited when I saw her tweet that I threw my phone across my living room. The profile kickstarted Bynes’ official comeback, which I, as Bynes’ #2 fan — the honor of being Amanda Bynes’ #1 fan obviously falls to Penelope Taynt — am one hundred percent about. The actress-turned-fashion-student was clear that she wants to return to acting, and judging by the massive fan response, she’ll be welcomed with open arms.

Amanda Bynes, the world has missed you. But more importantly, I’ve missed you. Now that we’ve officially started the AABCE, let me know if you’re down for a return-to-fame doc.

Where to stream What a Girl Wants, the best Amanda Bynes movie

Every goddamn thing that comes out of Alexis’ mouth in Schitt’s Creek makes me die. Annie Murphy plays the character with such gleeful ignorance and thinly-veiled disdain for others that it’s impossible not to laugh, particularly in Season 4, which premiered in Canada in early 2018 and hit Netflix in October. The most recent installment sees some serious forward-movement on Alexis’ part, but Schitt’s Creek doesn’t let her grow up too much: for every success there’s an obstacle, as well as a well-timed “Daaaavid.” Watching Murphy play Alexis — particularly when she’s holding something, because literally WHAT is happening with her hands — has been an absolute highlight of my 2018, although I will admit that it’s made me think about moving to Canada more than once. Only a true queen can make us contemplate applying for dual citizenship.

Where to stream Schitt's Creek

Killing Eve was, without a doubt, my favorite show, movie, event, moment, or holiday of 2018. I have yet to shut up about this insanely addictive thriller, which turns a simple detective story into the sexiest cat-and-mouse thriller I’ve ever seen. Killing Eve landed at #3 in Decider’s Best TV Shows of the Year, but in my opinion, nothing came close to Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s drama (and I really, really like GLOW and The Good Place). With Waller-Bridge at the helm, I would follow Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer off a cliff — or, in this case, into a Russian prison.

Where to stream Killing Eve