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Saturday Night Live took a slightly different approach than usual for the cold open, bringing in Kyle Mooney as Chuck Todd for an episode of Meet the Press, where the panelists have important news to discuss – Jeff Bezos has dick pics!
Speaking with show regulars Eugene Robinson (Kenan Thompson), Peggy Noonan (Cecily Strong), and Donna Brazile (Leslie Jones), the segment begins with Todd talking about how, “in a new low for journalism,” the National Enquirer blackmailed Bezos. The segment then tears into the media for having it both ways, pretending to decry the story’s luridness while diving in head first all the same.
“You’re all highly respected journalists,” Todd begins. “So when all is said and done, what do you think Jeff Bezos’ penis is going to look like?”
Brazile is horrified, while the others delve in. “When I hear billionaire’s penis, I immediately think small potatoes,” says Noonan. “It’s like they say, if it’s small and looks funny, you better have the money, honey.”
This goes on through several segments. Robinson in particular embraces the discussion, wondering if Bezos is working with “an Amazon Echo, or if it’s more of a Dot?”
The segment brought back Kate McKinnon as Commerce Secretary Wilber Ross, who didn’t want to discuss “penis” because, “I’m one of the guys. I enjoy watching sports and drinking a cold glass of blood.” Which is not to say Ross doesn’t know what a dick pic is, as he reveals that he regular lines up homeless people and pays one $100 to switch penises. Aidy Bryant then came on in a bald wig as Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker, saying he had no sympathy for Bezos, because for him, every pick is a dick pick.
By sketch’s end, SNL has joined the media, condemning the media’s lurid obsession in a cold open filled with nothing but dick jokes.
Host Halsey joined a recent trend of keeping monologues sparse and quick, talking briefly – the monologue barely cracked the two-minute mark – about her New Jersey upbringing and granting us a deep Jersey accent. She told three jokes, and that was that.
“Women of Congress” featured the female cast in a parody of a Charlie’s Angels type introduction, filled with 70s funk and bold sweeping graphics, introducing some of the more prominent female members of Congress. This was a solid premise with great potential that chose to go nowhere, making the introductions of these women – including Alexandria “I Say What I Meme” Ocasio-Cortez (Melissa Villasenor), Maxine “I Don’t Go Chasing” Waters (Jones), Nancy “Madame Clapback” Pelosi (McKinnon), and Rashida “Impeach the Motherfu**er” Tlaib (Halsey). Each gives an introductory catchphrase, then they convene to hear Trump taking credit for there being more women in Congress now over a speaker phone, which they destroy. And then the sketch is over. This felt like a sketch with real promise that was tossed out half-formed.
Bryant, Halsey, and McKinnon decked out in their finest lingerie for a music video (“Valentine’s Song”) about the annoyance of receiving Valentine’s Day gifts from non-romantic people in your life – a parent, a boss, a son – when it’s supposed to be a holiday for romance, and how having these people in your head when you’re horny spoils the mood. The performances here were fine, but is this really a thing? Are people sending V-Day cards that say “I love you” to just anyone? If you’re doing this, stop it. But also, this sketch just didn’t have the relatability it needed to take off.
Thompson brought back Darius Trump in the Empire/Trump mash-up, Them Trumps, which answers the question, “What if Donald Trump was black?” With Jones as his wife Malika, Chris Redd as son Darius Jr., and Ego Nwodim as daughter L’evanka. This is a one joke sketch, but it’s a very effective joke. The family rides in a limo to the State of the Union and expresses concerns over Darius’ many scandals, such as “the taxpayer funded golf vacations with Puff Daddy” and the lawsuits from “Trump Perm Academy.” As he launches into a speech about the greatness of America, since he can rise to such a high position “even though I’m black,” we see sirens, and their limo is pulled over.
The show’s black cast members – Jones, Redd, Thompson and Nwodim – celebrate Black History Month by paying tribute to the many contributions by African-Americans to SNL‘s legacy, from early host Richard Pryor to cast members like Garrett Morris and Eddie Murphy. The four pull off a touching homage before Mooney unexpectedly joins them as the well-meaning white guy who nevertheless tries to steal their thunder. “Did you know African-American contributions to entertainment didn’t start with Saturday Night Live?” he asks, opining about Sidney Poitier and Louis Armstrong as the other four roll their eyes. Beck Bennett soon joins him to pay tribute to African-American women, and Jones barely contains her exasperation.
Thompson plays a mailman who was recently laid off from his job but still manages to take his family out to a nice dinner. After a man approaches the table claiming to be a fan, Thompson reveals that he’s been modeling for CamFansOnly, a site for amateur gay porn. Jones, as his wife, is horrified, until he reveals he’s been making six figures every month. When son Redd asks if he shakes his booty for strangers online, he says, “I don’t shake, I present.” The family’s exasperation, followed by Jones’ encouragement, makes for some solid laughs, as when Jones, after crunching the numbers, tells her children, “You kids need to be more supportive of your daddy’s small business.”
Weekend Update welcomed Alex Moffat back to the desk as Guy Who Just Bought a Boat. He was there to provide politically correct dating tips, which is akin to Donald Trump teaching an etiquette class. I loved this character when Moffat premiered it and I love him now, brimming with unearned confidence as he spews forth unenlightened yet strangely poetic drivel. His introduction – “I’m here to teach you how to score some giny while keeping your tiny-hiney on this side of the liney” – sets the stage for his tongue-twisty efforts at being a decent person. Moffat wisely left this on the shelf for a bit. It’s a funny character, and he’s taken care not to run him into the ground. Valentine’s Day was the perfect excuse for a re-introduction.
Melissa Villasenor has been a conundrum during her tenure on the show, an impressionist who rarely does impressions, and a cast member who hadn’t made her mark. Stepping in at the Update desk to give Grammy predictions, Villasenor came one step closer to doing that as she segued from merely aping Lady Gaga’s fashion to performing a soaring version of “Shallow,” all the while denying to Jost that she was trying to get her Lady Gaga impression on the show. It was a triumphant moment for Villasenor, who performed the song in full voice and with Gaga’s quirks and mannerisms intact.
That said, the show’s aversion to clearing music rights for online use, long a bugaboo for Lorne Michaels, reared its ugly head once again here. Melissa Villasenor’s stunning Lady Gaga impression went viral on Twitter instantly, but the clip is nowhere to be found on any of NBC’s official channels (NBC.com, Hulu, and YouTube). Will this be the moment that finally breaks Villasenor in the mainstream? The lack of it being available to watch on YouTube certainly won’t help, but all SNL fans should certainly watch this clip above while you still can.
Also for V-Day, Mikey Day and Heidi Gardner appeared as Nico and Brie, a hipster Instagram couple there to give dating tips. They have a shared account that showcases their love, and yet barely a sentence into their segment, the mere question of who should speak first provokes a symphony of walking-on eggshells passive aggression. These were great characters for Day and Gardner, who cycle back and forth between anger and mushy love, break-up and reconciliation on a dime, together since first grade but unable to speak in each other’s presence without pushing every wrong button.
Thompson plays the director of the season finale of Riverdale, where Betty and Jughead, played by Halsey and Bennett, are identifying the body of Betty’s cousin in a morgue. Pete Davidson plays the actor playing the corpse, a proper British gentleman – and the most un-Davidson-like character Davidson has ever played on the show – who plays corpses for a living. As such, he’s wise to the realities of corpses, he says, including that they make random noises for days after death, and thrash around wildly. Davidson has fun with this, twisting, turning and moaning on the gurney the way he insists a real-life corpse would.
Day plays an architect showing a couple (Redd and Villasenor) plans for their home when he gets a call from his parents, played by Halsey and Bennett. They called to ask about a grill they bought him, only revealing at the end of a very chatty lighthearted call that Bennett shattered the bones in his legs. What follows is a dance of avoidance, as the parents play “don’t worry about us, how are you?” as an increasingly panicked Day tries tio find out what happened. By the end, the disasters pile up – his mother was shot, and there’s a hole in the middle of their floor – and the couple simply can’t understand what all the fuss is about. A fun character turn for all involved, as the laughs build with the stakes.
Thompson plays a staffer in the office of Virginia governor Ralph Northam, grilling the rest of the staff on whether any of them appeared in blackface pictures in the ’80s. The sketch is a smorgasbord of white people missing the point, as they ask questions like, “But what if it was done as an impersonation of a black person?” and, “What if it was all the way back in the ’80s?” Thompson maintains an admirable patience until Bennett asks if it matters if the costume won a contest, then says the contest was for “Blackest Face.” The sketch portrays a reality that should be too ridiculous to imagine, expect we all know – even more so after this week’s events in Virginia – how real it is.
SNL returns next week with host Don Cheadle and musical guest Gary Clark Jr.
Larry Getlen is the author of the book Conversations with Carlin. Follow him on Twitter at @larrygetlen.
