Happy Birthday Ellen Page and Kelsey Grammer: You Were Both X-Cellent in ‘X-Men 3’

As an X-Men fan, there’s definitely a lot to hate about 2006’s X-Men: The Last Stand. Storm’s wig, Cyclops’ slapdash off-screen murder, Jean Grey’s wig, Colossus being relegated to a special effect, Professor X’s incineration, that wasted Psylocke cameo, Callisto not even having an eyepatch (WTF), the complete lack of stakes (the “cure” DOESN’T EVEN WORK?!), Brett Ratner not knowing how to direct action scenes, Brett Ratner not knowing how to direct emotional scenes, and Brett Ratner not knowing how to treat his cast with respect. It’s a bad movie, a movie so bad that the X-Men braintrust had to reroute a whole prequel trilogy to erase it from canon. Also that braintrust involved Bryan Singer’s brain and, ugh ugh ugh ugh.

There are, however, two parts of X-Men: The Last Stand that were not absolute trash: Ellen Page and Kelsey Grammer. And in uncanny coincidence, today just so happens to be both of their birthdays. As if I could let the opportunity to praise both of their attempts to pull something worth saving from the wreckage of X-Men 3–!

These! Two! Were! Perfectly! Cast! And you can’t tell me anything different! Both of them perfectly embody exactly who these characters were on the printed page, and they took on the roles naturally, effortlessly. Unfortunately for fans, they were two passengers on a crashing Blackbird jet–and no level of daredevil piloting could stop the crash.

Grammer, fresh off two decades playing psychologist Frasier Crane on two mega-hit sitcoms, was actually cast by initial Last Stand director Matthew Vaughn (you know, the guy who eventually made X-Men: First Class, one of the very few X-Men movies you can still enjoy without feeling a little icky). It was a no-brainer. A little shade towards Nicholas Hoult, the Beast we had for three prequel movies, but Grammer was absolutely the perfect Beast. Beast is not young or meek, and yes that applies to the younger version that Hoult played. Even as a 20-something, Beast should always carry himself like a cheeky college professor with a gregarious but quizzical nature. Always. Grammer took to the role so readily because he’d basically played Hank McCoy on TV for years; Beast has a lot in common with the sarcastic Frasier Crane on Cheers.

And then there’s that voice! Beast is a hero that requires an actor to emote through layers of paint and fur. You need a guy who can project through the blue with booming authority. That’s! Grammer! Quick: can you hear Nicholas Hoult’s voice in your head? And now can you hear Kelsey Grammer’s? Do you hear what I’m writing about?

The only good thing Brett Ratner did was cast Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde, the teenage X-Wunderkind. Kitty had actually appeared in the two previous X-movies, played by two different extras, but The Last Stand required Kitty to be a fully-formed character (at least as fully-formed as any character not named Wolverine, Xavier, or Magneto could be in these movies). Of course Ratner ruined his one good decision by harassing Page on set and not letting her be the perfect Kitty Pryde that she totally is.

Page is so close to being an IRL Kitty Pryde. First of all, she really looks the part of the brainy girl-next-door. Second, Page grew up like Pryde, surrounded by adults in high-stress situations. Battling the Hellfire Club, being the lead of a feature film, basically the same thing. And she worked hard and achieved excellence at an early age. She scored an Oscar nomination at the age of 20, y’all!

Ellen Page has also grown up to be the exact kind of woman that Kitty Pryde is in the comics. I mean, for one thing, Kitty’s always had lots of queer subtext (which always remained subtext in the ’80s due to the restrictive comics code) and Page has grown into an out and proud champion of LGBTQ+ rights. Now that Kitty’s no longer the teen on the team, she’s a vocal mutant rights activist and at times leader of the X-Men. Ellen Page not only looks the part, she lives the part.

The movies didn’t do either of them justice. They got some standout scenes in X3, like Kitty’s clever face-off against an inexplicably British Juggernaut, but it wasn’t enough. And when they both came back in 2014’s X-Men: Days of Future Past, Wolverine took Kitty’s place as that story’s lead and Beast got a post-credits cameo. So much potential wasted.

But it being both Kelsey and Ellen’s birthday today, I wanted to give them the shout out they deserve for doing the best with the worst and defining two X-Legends on screen. You both deserved better, but I’m glad us fans at least got what little we did.

Where to stream X-Men: The Last Stand