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I wasn’t gonna do it. I heard enough out of this year’s Sundance Film Festival about Leaving Neverland, the documentary chronicling Michael Jackson’s alleged abuse of child actor James Safechuck and young dancer Wade Robson, to know it would be a rough watch. Then I decided I’d just watch a little bit and duck out if it got too horrific. Oh, and it does. But it also earns its nearly four-hour runtime as the doc is split into two two-hour segments that will air Sunday, March 3 and Monday, March 4 on HBO. You will need that full day in between to recover from what you hear, but you won’t be able to turn away. And you will want to discuss it.

Leaving Neverland has of course been met with a lot of dissent and passion from MJ fans, and that’s for a reason. The allegations here, the experiences told, and with viscerally uncomfortable graphic detail, are major. They’re life-changing, of course most of all for the victims and their families, but for anyone who will now get involuntarily sick when the beat of “Billie Jean” kicks in on the dance floor at a wedding. It is impossible to sit through this entire film and not have your mind changed about Michael Jackson, certainly as a man but as an artist as well.

Again, I was skeptical. These allegations have floated around for years, but never like this before. What director Dan Reed has compiled here are two highly personal and emotional accounts from the men and their families that will shake you to your core. Part one details how these boys and their families got involved with Jackson and exactly what happened at their sleepovers at the Neverland ranch. It’s impressive the amount of footage the doc has to supplement the boys’ meetings and interactions with Jackson (outside of his bedroom), and it is horrific what they remember of their time with him, while also providing context for what they at the time considered to be a caring relationship, and why it wasn’t until much later in their lives that they realized it was abuse.

Part two focuses on Jackson’s child abuse trials, why the boys didn’t say he touched them, and how it has affected them and their families as they’ve grown into adult men with sons of their own. Safechuck and Robson also explain when and why they finally decided to open up and tell the truth about these gruesome experiences. You can’t help but flinch when you see the pain on their faces as they speak, and you’ll be unable to forget their words long after the documentary is over.

It’s nearly impossible to say you’ll never listen to another Michael Jackson song again, and much harder to escape than it was to #MuteRKelly after Lifetime’s six-part series aired in January. The two projects certainly and sadly share many themes and will make you feel just as terribly for the people who not only went through this, but were brave enough to recount it for the world. So if you’re someone who wants to live unaware of these allegations and not watch Leaving Neverland, I do understand that impulse. But know it’s not the right move. Hear what these people have to say. If you don’t believe them, you’re likely to be in the minority but that’s up to you. If you want to be a Michael Jackson fan for life, that’s your prerogative, but it will be earning you a lot more concerned looks after this airs.

Leaving Neverland ultimately focuses on Jackson but is a much larger commentary on celebrity and fame and how that warps the thinking and emotions of good, smart people. The doc doesn’t explicitly blame MJ’s network of people who knew and were involved (even inadvertently) from allowing this to happen, but it is reiterated how money and power and fame can have intoxicating effects on people. Even though Jackson had a rough childhood of his own, what is claimed here only suggests he was a sick and deeply disturbed man, but one who knew what he was doing. Accept that you will never listen to his music the same way again, you just won’t. Even if you can separate the artist from the art, it will be impossible not to see the faces of these traumatized men flash inside your mind.

It’s not just the curiosity and the fact that millions of people WILL be chatting about the revelations presented here that should encourage you to watch this. It’s important to know this side, hear their perspectives, and most important, be sure to process and think twice about your own involvement in celebrity culture. Leaving Neverland is well done, especially with a score that is hopeful yet ominous and sad when called for, but it is undeniably heartbreaking, upsetting, and creepy as hell, and you won’t want to miss a minute of it. Have a partially open mind going into this one. There will be a lot of unanswered thoughts and questions you’ll wrestle with along the way and afterwards, but use your feelings (about the claims or the parents who allowed this or abuse culture) to have thoughtful conversations with your friends to process it all.

Leaving Neverland airs March 3rd and 4th on HBO.

Where to stream Leaving Neverland