Convincing Funko To Make A ‘Bosch’ Pop Was Way More Difficult Than I Imagined

In July of 2018, I wrote the article “I Texted The Word ‘Bosch’ To 100 People To See What Would Happen.” It’s the post I’m asked about most often, despite the fact that I’ve never actually seen an episode of Bosch. Remember on Lost how Desmond wanted Charles Dickens’ novel “Our Mutual Friend” to be the last book he read before he died? That’s how I feel about Bosch, sans all the death stuff.

I love everything I know about Bosch. First, it’s on Amazon. I love Amazon. That’s where I buy my bubble gum and “Does Running Out of Wine Count as Cardio?” novelty tanks. Second, it stars Titus Welliver as a no nonsense cop. Awesome. I hate nonsense. If anyone dares sings the song “Yakety Yak” in my vicinity, I will openly and unapologetically boo them. I don’t care how old they are.

One sweet day I will consume every single episode of Bosch and bask in the hue of its procedural charms, but that day is not today. I spent the last four months locked in a battle of wits with the Funko corporation. I had one simple request for Funko: Stop whatever you’re doing and mass produce a Bosch Funko Pop.

Back in December, my editor gifted me a Ron Swanson Funko Pop. “Sorry, they didn’t have a Bosch Pop,” he added casually. No Bosch? But people love Bosch. Vanity Fair once referred to it as a “neo-classical procedural that maintains a close shave.” I don’t have the slightest idea what those words presented in that order mean, but it sounds impressive as all get-out.

Bosch fans deserve a Bosch Funko Pop; Titus Welliver deserves a Bosch Funko Pop; and I was going to be the man to convince Funko to do it. How hard could it be?

As it turns out, pretty damn hard.

Step 1: Reach Out To Funko Via The “Suggest A Product” Section

I began my journey by sending a simple request to Funko through the company’s “suggest a product” page. You might be thinking, But Josh, you’re a high-profile journalist who once interviewed Giovanni Ribisi. Why not use your obvious contacts and inherent savviness to go right to the top of the Funko corporation? Great point, but as always, I’m a man of the people.

Unfortunately, the website wouldn’t recognize my email address, so I resent my message a few times — five, six, maybe 50 — just to be on the safe side.

Wanting to cover all my bases, I also reached out to Funko via Twitter DM. Fun fact: If you include a website in your DM, Twitter will populate an image to accompany said website. This, to put it mildly, went horribly awry.

Step 2: Use Twitter To Raise Awareness For My Crusade

My campaign was off to an admittedly shaky start. I needed to show Funko just how passionate the Bosch fanbase could be, which is why I reached out to Bosch himself, Titus Welliver, for help.

The good news? Titus loved it. The bad news? My tweet unintentionally implied that I worked at Funko and was going to produce a line of Bosch Pops. This was made evident by Bosch fans tweeting me to say that they too would like to order a Bosch Pop. This was at best a miscalculation, and at worst accidentally illegal? This is what we journalists in the scribble biz refer to as a “whoopsie.”

I found myself in a real “two steps forward/two steps back” situation, but unlike Paula Abdul, my problems couldn’t be solved by having sex with a mischievous cartoon cat. No, I had to summon the MC Skat Kat within by taking my crusade to the next level and emailing the Funko PR team.

As anyone who’s ever played Connect Four knows, there’s more than one way to connect four. With that sound, not stupid logic in mind, I embarked upon a new path while I waited to hear back from the Funko PR team.

Step 3: Enlist The Help Of Famed Psychedelic Rock Band Blues Traveler

It appeared as if Funko was giving me the run-around. ME! The acclaimed writer behind classic articles like “What Time is Suits on Tonight?” and “Freddie Prinze Jr. Deserves Better Than ONE “Fresh” Movie on Rotten Tomatoes.” Undeterred, I looked to the king of the run-around for guidance: Blues Traveler.

The popular ’90s jam band wrote the definitive song on the topic, so I decided to reach out via Twitter, but once again my plans were thwarted.

Blues Traveler’s DMs were closed, a fact that elicited an audible “Oh that is rich!” from me. You know whose DMs are open? The American rock band Tonic. I don’t need to see the way you love me, Tonic. You showed me with your actions.

Since Tonic doesn’t have a song about how to handle a run-around, I turned to Instagram to procure the advice I so desperately sought.

You know the saying “Don’t meet your heroes?” Well, don’t reach out to them on Instagram either because they will straight-up ignore you. Also, regarding Blues Traveler’s closed DM situation: Look, I’ve never hired a skywriter, but if there’s ever been a more apt opportunity to spell out the word R-E-L-A-X in a giant bubbly font above whatever shanty John Popper and his merry band of social degenerates currently dwell this is it.

Fun fact: Blues Traveler is not a current member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Step 4: Apply For A Job At Funko

Still smarting from Blues Traveler’s complete and utter lack of social decorum, I devised a new scheme: I would infiltrate Funko from the inside. The company was looking to hire a Business Operations Analyst, a job title that sounds made up despite the fact that it consists of three real words.

You don’t need to know who or what a Business Operations Analyst is or does to be successful, so naturally I applied.

Two weeks later I received an email notifying me that the position had been filled. Apropos of nothing, here’s a link to Sarah McLachlan’s tender 1995 single “I Will Remember You.”

Step 5: Send A Few Breezy “Just Circling Back” Emails to Funko

I didn’t hear back from Funko for about a week. I was beginning to think this nationally traded multi-million dollar company might not be super jazzed about partnering up with a compete stranger to produce thousands (millions?) of Bosch Pops. I wouldn’t normally double email someone, I’m not a graceless goblin, but I promised Titus Welliver a Bosch Funko Pop, a promise I intended to keep.

Once again, crickets. Maybe using terms like “prototype,” “Q2,” and “posthaste” made me seem too corporate? I needed to demonstrate to Funko that I was an average Joe, a normal guy who had never seen a single minute of Bosch but was still desperately compelled to spend countless hours advocating for this character to come alive in Pop form.

I sent a breezy follow up email that touched on current events before organically transitioning into Bosch.

Did it work? Kinda. But we’ll get to that.

Step 6: Engage In A Civil Twitter Exchange With Fellow Bosch Boys Max Silvestri and Richard Marx

Max Silvestri is an immensely talented comedian, actor, writer, and performer. Richard Marx is an accomplished singer/songwriter known for performing a string of hits including: “Endless Summer Nights,” “Should’ve Known Better,” and “Right Here Waiting.” More importantly, Max, Marxy, and I are all connected through our mutual, undying love of Bosch.

Back in January, I noticed Marx and Silvestri playfully bantering about Bosch on Twitter. Under normal circumstances I, a normie, would never interfere in a Twitter convo between two celebs. It’s uncouth. If The Rock and Debra Messing are chatting about how much they enjoyed last night’s episode of the hit CBS series Bull, I’m not gonna pop in and add my two sense.

But I just couldn’t help myself.

Look at that photo. If you would’ve told me three years ago that one day I’d be chatting with Richard Marx while posing in head-to-toe Bosch swag and holding an autographed Burn Notice DVD, I would’ve said, “Wow, so I guess I really whiffed on that Fox development deal, huh?”

I never truly understood Sheryl Crow’s “Everyday is a Winding Road” until this exact moment.

ANYWAY, chatting with Max and my boy Marxy only strengthened my resolve. One point was made absolutely clear to me: I was going to get my Bosch Funko Pop or burn the entire Funko corporation down to the ground trying.

Step 7: My Phone Call With Funko

After weeks of emails, Twitter DMs, and being blatantly ignored by Grammy award-winners, Funko responded to my campaign:

“I manage Funko’s social team and we really admire your grassroots campaign for the show,” the email read. “If you’re interested in learning more about what it takes to have a figure created, I’m happy to answer any questions.”

I had done it. I was a mere phone call away from achieving my goal. I felt like Neil Armstrong moments before he (allegedly) walked on the moon, or the Hamburglar seconds before he swiped his first hamburger. Funko was going to produce a line of Bosch Funko Pops. I could feel it in my bones. I got on the phone with Funko’s Senior Manager of Social and said, “What’s stopping us from making a little bit of history, friend?”

Turns out, there were many things stopping us from making history, including but not limited to:

• I don’t have a sales account with Funko
• It would take months to complete the order
• I’m unable to place an order for the minimum amount of units for an exclusive Pop figure
• While the Funko corporation appreciates the Bosch fandom, the series is not in their future immediate Pop plans
• I don’t “own the Bosch name”
• I don’t currently “possess the Bosch licensing rights”
• I don’t have the “marketing rights to the character of Harry Bosch”
• I am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with Amazon, Bosch, or any reputable manufacturing company

I was dejected. I was crestfallen. I was a third synonym for sad. I had failed in my quest to convince the Funko corporation to mass produce a Funko Pop of Harry Bosch. I thought to myself, What would Bosch do in this situation? Since I’ve never seen the show, I didn’t have the foggiest idea, but something in my gut told me that he wouldn’t give up, and neither would I.

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” — The Great Gatsby and also this article

Step 8: A Custom Made Funko For A Custom Made Fella

I can’t stress enough how friendly and helpful the Funko corporation was in dealing with my bold font hogwash, but it was time to forge a new path. I decided to reach out to an artist on Etsy who specialized in making custom Pops. But there was one tiny problem: I didn’t want to pay for it.

Look, let’s call a spade a spade here: If this Bosch Funko Pop idea is the type of content I’m bringing to my editors, I’m basically one bad day away from a pink slip. With that in mind, I hatched a plan to use all the items on my work desk to barter Oregon Trail-style with the Etsy artist.

Shockingly, I never received a response, which was a blessing in disguise. Do I really want to barter with someone who’s not a fan of the critically-acclaimed IFC series Brockmire?

Running out of options, I turned to an old frenemy…

Step 9: Maybe Applebee’s Will Pay For This?

Last September, I successfully convinced the CBS series God Friended Me to follow me on Twitter. I’m just going to move on like that’s a normal sentence. During that quest, I repeatedly contacted Applebee’s for assistance. They ignored me, officially confirming the death of a folksy little piece of Americana called customer service.

I reached out to Applebee’s with a mutually beneficial and very normal business proposition. Please ignore the previous message in which I gloated about my God Friended Me success and strongly implied that Cracker Barrel was a superior restaurant.

Did I spend Valentine’s Day 2019 DMing Applebee’s? No. Of course not. I spent a portion of Valentine’s Day 2019 DMing Applebee’s. Anyway, they ignored me. Again. Long live Cracker Barrel.

Step 10: End of The Road

I felt like I had let Titus down. Despite all my bravery, selflessness, and modesty, I failed at convincing Funko to create a Bosch Pop. But then it hit me: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I didn’t need Funko. I sure as hell didn’t need Applebee’s. I would craft my very own Bosch Funko Pop with my own two hands and send it to Titus Welliver!

After a minute of googling, I discovered that I don’t possess the artistic ability, drive, or basic intelligence to create my own Bosch Pop. Instead, I reached out to artist Brian Blocher from All Star Custom Figures and he provided me with the gold at the end of the rainbow: a beautiful custom Bosch Pop.

With the help of the most patient human being in the world, Bosch publicist Allie Lee, I was able to send this custom Pop to Titus Welliver, who graciously called to thank me for the gift. My new friend Titus and I talked about many things during our conversation — best friend stuff, mostly, I won’t bore you with the details — but the topic we discussed most was Funko. Welliver is a genuine Funko collector and a true ambassador of the brand. I’m sincerely happy he enjoyed the custom Pop, but now more than ever it’s become clear to me that Titus Welliver, as well as the entire Bosch fandom, deserves a Bosch Funko Pop.

If you agree, take half a minute out of your day to let your voice be heard. Funko has a “Figure and Product Submission” section on their website where you can suggest a product. It literally takes less than 30 seconds.

I want to reiterate that Funko was very kind and extremely patient when dealing with my tomfoolery, so if you want to see a Bosch Pop let them know, but like, be cool about it, ya know? I had some technical issues with the Figure and Product Submission section, so if it’s not working, you can always contact Funko via Twitter or their website.

One day in the not too distant future, I, Josh Sorokach, will watch the hit Amazon series Bosch in its entirety. When that beautiful day arrives, I hope to have an officially licensed Bosch Funko Pop standing right next to me. No thanks to Blues Traveler.

The fifth season of Bosch is now streaming on Amazon. Enjoy it! I know I will (eventually).

Where to stream Bosch