Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Slasher: Solstice’ on Netflix, Which Delivers Sex and Slaughter With Impressive Regularity

Netflix sex-‘n’-guts anthology-horror series Slasher returns for a third season with Solstice. The eight-episode arc plays out during a 24-hour period, during which all the characters will surely keep their clothes on and/or not get killed in lurid and grisly fashion, because who wants to watch that?

SLASHER: SOLSTICE: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: A late-night raver party: A woman wearing clear plastic fairy wings wiggles and sways to techno-dance music.

The Gist: In the opening scenes of season-debut episode “6am to 9am,” Kit (Robert Cormier) wears devil horns and a spangly silver outfit to a rave. He dances and does drugs and scrumps with a hottie against a post, then heads home. He’s followed by a mysterious character in a hooded cloak and wearing a mask adorned with a creepy, abstract face in blue neon: THE DRUID, all caps necessary, I assert. Before you can get the “rrr” of “Run!” out of your mouth, Kit’s on the receiving end of a butcher knife. Bleeding profusely, he pounds on doors of his apartment building, but nobody will help him. THE DRUID chases Kit outside and into the road, where a car slams into him. Sorry, Kit — barring any flashbacks, you only get to be in one episode this season.

Subtitle: 1 YEAR LATER. It’s 6 a.m., the anniversary of the slaying. The apartment building residents go about their business like something bad might not happen to them at all. It’s the last day before summer vacation for 17-year-old Saadia (Baraka Rahmani), who assures her parents she’ll be just fine by herself while they’re gone for a week. Her schoolmate Cassidy (Genevieve DeGraves) loudly mashes pelvic regions with a random dude, and before he completes his refractory period, she’s scrolling through a dating app for her next partner. Dishy blogger Violet (Paula Brancati) posts a new narcissistic video about her breakfast. JUST A NORMAL DAY LIKE ANY OTHER.

Some other characters are introduced: Cassidy’s dad, an alcoholic white supremacist, posts a fresh manifesto online. In the parking lot, a mentally troubled lesbian woman douses herself with a gas can — full of water. Violet’s boyfriend is secretly gay. Saadia’s teacher sexts with a hunky guy. A snotty barista with a waxed mustache and suspenders talks down to his customers. Which of these people will be sadistically slaughtered next? How about a bald fellow who threatens violence on his wife, then leaves for work, which apparently has something to do with stolen cars? Before long, his bald head is a hood ornament on a Mercedes, courtesy THE DRUID, who has no problem using an axe to decapitate someone in broad daylight. Detective Roberta Hanson (Lisa Berry) investigates the morbid scene.

Photos of the decapitation get e-passed around, and because people are dumb and racist, rumors circulate that the perp is a terrorist. Cassidy blames Saadia for the murder, and attacks her in the school hallway because Cassidy is a bigot and Saadia is Muslim. Before you can say “Hey it’s been like 17 minutes since somebody gurgled their last breath in a puddle of corn syrup,” THE DRUID shoves Cassidy’s face in a toilet bowl full of acid. It’s 9 a.m.

Our Take: We’re clearly watching Slasher for the social commentary and character development and not just THE KILLS, right? Uh huh. The first episode of Solstice clocks three gut-churning murders in 46 minutes, so unless this season picks up the pace, it’ll offer a disappointing 24 kills over eight episodes. Then again, maybe we should consider the subjective value of the kills, and grade their quality — and I have to say, turning Cassidy’s face into an undercooked tooth-and-eyeball pizza sure was something.

In other words, come for the gore, stay for the mediocre acting, dingbat dialogue, crummy stereotypes and a discourse on racism that’s as subtle as a plane crash.

Sex and Skin: I’ve already mentioned the softcore schtupping, which shamelessly showcases plenty of jiggling and thrusting.

Parting Shot: THE DRUID lurks wordlessly in a blurry shot at a canted angle — presumably the last thing Cassidy ever sees.

Sleeper Star: So far, Rahmani is the only character given a character of any depth. As Saadia, a victim of cruel bigotry, she’s sincere and empathetic and surely isn’t being telegraphed as the hero survivor of this season of Slasher.

Most Pilot-y Line: “It was a year ago!” Saadia says, pointing out how long it’s been since someone was gruesomely stabbed to death in their apartment building, assuring her parents that she’ll be absolutely fine and not at all in danger of being murdered to death while they’re gone.

Our Call: SKIP IT. It’s exploitative dreck — and not even good exploitative dreck. Avoid unless you’re one of those insatiable horror fans who watches every piece of crap show or movie propped up by its numerous and regular depictions of murder.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Slasher: Solstice on Netflix