Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Malibu Rescue: The Series’ on Netflix, a Beach Sitcom That Wants to be ‘Baywatch’ for Tweens

Last month, Netflix rolled out the Malibu Rescue Television Universe, sure to be the hottest tween franchise since, I dunno, Bunk’d? Mako Mermaids? Dog with a Blog? Anyway, the MRTU debuted with a 70-minute pilot/TV movie —also titled Malibu Rescue— introducing us to a mildly motley group of kids working as lifeguards on the California shore. Now, it’s an eight-episode sitcom series that I fully expect will expand into a marketing juggernaut: dedicated MRTU Walmart aisles with dolls, breakfast cereals and toiletries; its own MRTU streaming content service; and a branded MRTU theme park on the moon.

MALIBU RESCUE: THE SERIES: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: A static shot of the four principal characters, a four-kid lifeguard team known as… the Flounders!

The Gist: Don’t call them “ragtag” — please. Tyler (Ricardo Hurtado) is a class-clownish type with hair that curves like a choptop 1950 Mercury coupe. Gina (Breanna Yde) is the tough girl. Eric (Alkoya Brunson) is a positive pollyanna. Lizzie (Abby Donnelly) surely has a defining trait, but I didn’t notice it, although she smiles a fair amount. They’re the Flounders, the misfits populating Tower 2 on the Malibu Beach, and led by their resourceful captain, Dylan (Jackie R. Jacobson).

It’s their first day on the job. They take the short bus to the beach, driven by Vooch (Jeremy Howard), a joke generator who curated his fashion sense by watching TV commercials for Freedom Rock cassette compilations, and who surely smells like rotting bong resin. Brody (JT Neal) is their rival, the captain of Tower 1 — and he’s in charge of doling out assignments. D’oh. So, sand-in-your-underpants personality that he is, Brody gives the Flounders all the absolute worstest jobs on the beach, laughing all the way at their crestfallen expressions.

Tyler, however, wants to prank the living crap out of Brody, to prove the Flounders won’t be pushed around. Dylan thinks they should grin and bear it, and not allow Brody the satisfaction of their discontent. Soon enough, other Flounders defect to Team Tyler. They concoct a plan to capture Brody in a net and use an ATV to drag him through dog excrement, launch him into the air on a parachute, then slam him into a cliff face. It works! Brody’s only mildly injured and/or psychologically traumatized, but he totally deserved it, and apparently is susceptible to being strongarmed into treating them with respect.

Our Take: A throwaway one-liner in which Tyler says he wants to run in slow motion on the beach is a clear indication that Malibu Rescuewants to be Baywatch for the pre-teen demographic. Sure, the series is aimed at young audiences who don’t yet have fully formed cognitive faculties, but it’s only slightly more sophisticated than Garbage Pail Kids fanfic. Gags wholly unrelated to the plot or character development are randomly pasted in. It also features multiple dog-doo jokes, a scene in which two characters are blasted in the face with squid ink and one-liners such as “Ew, what is that? Eel barf?” and “Ow, I fell on my whistle!”

It also seems to be sending a mixed message to kids: if someone isn’t being fair or nice to you, using TEEM WURK to exact cruel revenge on your enemy is your only option. Or maybe it’s teaching a lesson about standing up for yourself? Who knows. Either way, this series seems about on par with any other Disney Channel/Nickelodeon original populated with a young, diverse cast doing their best with a crummy script and flimsy characters. Oh, and one glance at the set design has one assuming the budget is tighter than a 4T Speedo on King Kong. You’ve seen better; you’ve seen worse.

Sex and Skin: No inappropriate Baywatch jiggles here, although there’s a questionable joke about using tongue on a CPR dummy.

Parting Shot: A shot of the junky ol’ short bus belching exhaust as Vooch drives the kids back home. “I’m not lost — but I might be,” he cracks.

Sleeper Star: It’s pretty clear Jeremy Howard is trying the hardest to be funny here — and that he rips off- er, models his character on Otto Mann from The Simpsons.

Most Pilot-y Line: “They didn’t exactly succeed, but they didn’t fail,” booms a voiceover, recapping the events of the Malibu Rescue movie, and possibly reviewing this series.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Unless you’re 11, and want to torture your parents while they’re in the room, or drive them out of it.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Malibu Rescue: The Series on Netflix