Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Into the Dark: They Come Knocking’ on Hulu, in Which Creepy Kids in Hoodies Torment a Family on Father’s Day

Blumhouse and Hulu’s holiday-themed Into the Dark anthology continues with They Come Knocking, a vaguely Father’s Day-centric story in which a daddy-and-his-daughters vacation is ruined by some creepy, possum-faced kids in hoodies. Some films in this series are funny; this one is dead serious, for better or worse.

INTO THE DARK: THEY COME KNOCKING: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: The dad in They Come Knocking is named Nathan (Clayne Crawford, formerly of the Lethal Weapon TV series). We know this because his daughter Clair (Josephine Langford) calls him Nathan in the sneering, derisive tone of angsty, disrespectful teenagers. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan. Later in the movie, Nathan is replaced with NATHAN! as things get more intense. NATHAN! NATHAN! NATHAN!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Nathan piles Clair and his younger daughter Maggie (Lia McHugh) into his vintage Airstream trailer for a weekend trip. Where’s their mom? Glad you asked: She’s in flashbacks. Val (Robyn Lively of Teen Witch fame!) fought a protracted battle against cancer, and Nathan made the difficult decision to take her off life support. Angry Clair hasn’t forgiven him for pulling the plug; grieving Maggie copes by crafting little dolls representing each family member, keeping the Mom doll for herself.

So they eventually park the Airstream in Mom’s favorite spot in the desert hills, where Nathan proposed. In what surely won’t be an important plot point in the future, the place is so remote, there’s no cell service. Before they can even think about spreading Mom’s ashes, the creepy hoodie-kids tap on their door, invoking the title. Nathan won’t honor their request to come in, so they tear the guts out of the truck. What does the hoodie gang want? Why are they tormenting this poor family? Haven’t they suffered enough? Does the Evil Hoodie Squad have something to do with the bulletin board crammed with missing-children flyers that Clair spotted at the gas station? How does all this tie into Mom’s death? Who gave the Hoodie Squad their Nosferatu manicures? Don’t get your hopes up for any satisfying answers!

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Every movie that ever littered its set with mangled severed doll parts, or took place in an abandoned junkyard, or featured creepy children who scribbled unsettling drawings in crayon giving clues as to what’s going on. In other words, too many to list.

Performance Worth Watching: I guess Langford says Nathan with enough disdain to make her characterization reasonably convincing.

Memorable Dialogue: “Please let us in!” chitters the Evil Hoodie Squad with menacing snicker-giggles.

Single Best Shot: Sunlight streams into a suspicious bullet hole in the wall, and Nathan fingers it.

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: Atmospheric nonsense. Good horror films are vague and suggestive; bad ones randomly assemble bits and pieces stolen from the good ones and call it a plot. The Hoodie Squad somehow has access to the inner workings of the protagonists’ minds so they can exploit past traumas in order to… I dunno. Get us to the end of the movie?

Director Adam Mason (Into the Dark: I’m Just F*cking With You) stirs up some suspense here and there, but with little payoff. The conclusion is dissatisfying and grossly underwritten. This is the type of horror film where things cross the foreground of the frame as if they know exactly where the camera is. The soundtrack is filled with so many sound effects, you can never tell whether the noise is the score we should be hearing or the sounds the characters should be hearing; a large section of the movie sounds as if it was composed by the roofers pounding shingles into the neighbor’s house at 6:30 a.m. while you’re just trying to sleep off a hangover.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Don’t bother to buy the inevitably overpriced vinyl version of the soundtrack, either.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Into The Dark: They Come Knocking on Hulu