34 Questions For ‘Serenity,’ That Insane Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway Movie

Warning: This post contains spoilers and slightly mean-spirited snark for the 2019 film Serenity.

In early 2019, a little movie called Serenity hit theaters. It was an odd neo-noir thriller written, produced and directed by Steven Knight that starred Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, and Diane Lane, and it absolutely ripped Film Twitter apart. Somehow, I managed to avoid spoilers on this film for seven months, but  I’m sorry to say that while I was skimming the Wikipedia page to write up that the film was now on Amazon Prime, I was spoiled on the “big twist.” (Occupational hazard, just doing my job, ma’am.)

Fair warning, I am about to spoil you, too, so get ready: Matthew McConaughey, a fishing boat captain obsessed with a catching a big tuna, is actually a character in a video game. His ex-wife, played by Anne Hathaway, is also a character in a video game. Anne Hathaway’s abusive new husband, played by Jason Clarke, is also a character in a video game. The weird little man with a briefcase played by Jeremy Strong is not a character in the video game, but he is the rules of said video game. I cannot overstate how wild this plot is.

I tried to forget, I really did. But the harder I tried, the more I thought it about it. Video game, I thought as Matthew McConaughey clenched his fists in rage, his big fish having eluded him once again. Video game, I thought as Diane Lane made a terrible pun about fishing hooks and prostitution. Video game possibly designed by Matthew McConaughey’s on-screen son, I thought as the actor disrobed for his second or third fully nude scene in the film.

But even knowing the twist, I still had a lot of questions as I watched—34 to be exact—and for your enjoyment, I have transcribed them below.

1. Did they just introduce Diane Lane mid-orgasm?
2. The fish’s name is JUSTICE? THE FISH’S NAME IS JUSTICE! I’m so happy!
3. Wait, Matthew McConaughey’s name is BAKER DILL? Wow, I’m even happier. He’s just a man named Baker Dill, standing in front of a fish named Justice, asking that fish to love him. Incredible.
4. Is this going to be a Shape of Water-type of situation? Why do so many people in Hollywood want to fuck a fish?
5. Isn’t Anne Hathaway in this movie?
6. Why does Matthew McConaughey refuse to utter the phrase “big tuna?” Is he not a fan of The Office? What is he afraid of?
7. Did the fish kill his son? Or maybe the fish is his son?
8. Is his son this man with the briefcase, aka Jeremy Strong? Is his son a nerd?
9. Did Matthew McConaughey really just burn this dude for having a dead wife? Are we going to act like that’s normal?
10. Kid? Dead?? Alive??? What is happening!
11. Isn’t Anne Hathaway in this movie?
12. Why is Matthew McConaughey doing so much math? Can math help catch a fish?
13. Also, the “math” he is doing is actually pure nonsense? Is that a little sketch of the moon I see? 

14. Ah, there’s Anne Hathaway. Not a question, but I’m glad to see she does exist.
15. Why is this movie suddenly a Facebook 360 video?
16. Why did Matthew McConaughey do this movie?
17. Why did Matthew McConaughey do a fully nude scene for this movie?
18. Why did Anne Hathaway do this movie?
19. Why did Anne Hathaway do a nude scene for this movie? (It was just a butt, but still.)
20. Why did Diane Lane do this movie?
21. Why did Diane Lane do so many sex scenes in this movie?
22. Does this filmmaker have some sort of blackmail material on all of these actors?
23. Anne Hathaway’s husband thinks Matthew McConaughey is a college professor because he knows the word “proficiency”? What college course would that even be?
24. Wait, did they just reveal the twist 40 minutes into the movie?
25. I’m sorry, did Jeremy Strong just respond “bigger hands” when Matthew McConaughey asked if he could get him anything? “Whenever I’m around fishermen, I wish I had bigger hands.”  What does that mean?
26. Wait, did they just reveal the twist of this movie twice?
27. What are the religious implications of this film? Should we blindly obey god even if he asks us to kill?
28. I still don’t understand what math has to do with any of this?
29. I’m sorry, back to that “bigger hands” thing for a second. Was that a weird dick joke? Do fishermen have notoriously big dicks?
30. How can I ensure that I never hear Anne Hathaway say “Daddy” again?
31. How great would it be if the actual plot twist was that this was all Matthew McConaughey’s new Lincoln commercial?
32. Maybe that briefcase dude thinks fishermen use their bare hands to catch fish? Maybe that’s it?
33. So this kid created a video game where he can spend eternity with a virtual version of his dead dad? That seems incredibly unhealthy?
34. OK, I googled “fisherman big hands,” and found a link to a gadget that makes your hands look smaller so your fish looks bigger. Is that what that Jeremy Strong meant? He wants his fish to look… smaller? This is going to haunt me for the rest of my days. Goodbye.

Watch Serenity on Amazon Prime Video.