‘Daily Show’ Correspondent Discusses His “Make Guns Gay” Plan: Guns Are “Long, Hard, and the Best Ones are Black”

Move over, Elizabeth Warren, The Daily Show‘s Jaboukie Young-White has a plan to solve gun violence. On Wednesday night, the correspondent revealed his unconventional idea to “decrease gun ownership” in America: “make guns gay.” Daily Show host Trevor Noah was slightly skeptical about the plan, but Young-White addressed each one of his concerns with a sensible counterpoint. Plus, as the correspondent put it, guns are already gay. “Right off the bat, guns are what? Long, hard, and the best ones are black,” said Young-White.

After skewering lawmakers’ inaction on gun safety measures, Noah introduced his “senior gun safety correspondent” Young-White. “Clearly Americans can’t count on the government to take gun control seriously. So, what can be done to address gun violence?” asked the Daily Show host. “Trevor, you silly little bitch. We don’t need gun control. We just need to decrease gun ownership,” replied Young-White. Noah was clearly confused. “How do you decrease gun ownership without gun control laws?” he asked. “Easy, Trevor. We just need to make guns gay,” said the correspondent.

Young-White explained that studies show that “a lot of straight men don’t recycle because they’re worried it makes them look gay,” so if that “same toxic masculinity” can be directed towards “sweet, gay guns,” firearms ownership will drop. “But how do you get guns to seem gay?” asked Noah. “I mean, ’cause guns are gay,” said Young-White. “Right off the bat, guns are what? Long, hard, the best ones are black. And where do people keep their guns, Trevor? In the closet.”

“I get what you’re trying to do, but for Americans who own firearms, guns aren’t just like guns. They’re a community of masculine hunters and freedom fighters,” said Noah. “Yeah, and we need to point out how gay that sounds,” replied the correspondent. “Like, the right to bear arms? I love bare arms, too … Even the names of gun laws sound gay. Concealed carry? That’s like every username on Grindr. The law might as well be called, ‘Assbreaker37.’ And Stand Your Ground? That sounds like a Kelly Clarkson gay anthem.”

Noah admitted that he finally understands the plan, adding, “You’re going to make guns gay. So then straight men won’t want them anymore, so they’re going to give the guns to gay people, and gay people are going to hand them over to the government.” Not quite, dude. “No, no, no,” said Young-White. “Gay people keep the guns, and then we run the country. You know what I’m saying?”

Watch Jaboukie Young-White lay out his “Make Guns Gay” platform in the clip above.

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