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In the 40 years since it first aired, the Star Wars Holiday Special has only grown in infamy. That’s partly because George Lucas and everyone involved denied that the special even existed to begin with and partly because it’s one of the most spectacular train wrecks to air on TV. Trust and believe, the Star Wars Holiday Special makes The Masked Singer look like Chernobyl.
But while I believe that the Star Wars Holiday Special is too bad to watch even ironically around the holidays, there is another ’70s TV special that deserves the same WTF spotlight. As the Star Wars Holiday Special is to Christmas, The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is to Halloween—and unlike that catastrophe from a galaxy far, far away, the Halloween special is one I heartily recommend watching every single October. And unlike the Star Wars Holiday Special, you actually can watch The Paul Lynde Halloween Special whenever you want because a definitely not HD version of it is streaming on Amazon’s Prime Video.
The Star Wars Holiday Special was not an outlier when it comes to ’70s TV. The decade that gave us disco and Watergate was filled with absolutely bonkers variety shows and specials that hit “dear god why” heights of insanity on a weekly basis. Paul Lynde, most known at the time for flinging zingers as the center square on the daily game show Hollywood Squares and for playing a sassy warlock on Bewitched, got a few holiday-themed specials. The Halloween one, though, took the nuttiness to a whole new level when it stunned viewers in 1976. Its weirdness has not dulled with age.
If you wanna know what you’re in for, Mr. Lynde sums up the entire special’s vibe with his introduction:
That’s him, that’s Paul Lynde in a GIF—and I love him.
To call Paul Lynde a gay icon is an understatement. The man did so much to inspire generations of closeted gays while still nominally in the closet himself, and I say nominally because, uh, just watch this special. This is the gayest Halloween special of all time, gayer than a porn parody of Freddy vs. Jason crossed with the Monster Ball episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. How gay is it? In one sketch, Paul Lynde plays a bedazzled macho man known as the Rhinestone Trucker whose wedding to Happy Days‘ Pinky Tuscadero is just an excuse for an elaborate Broadway-style hoedown.
How gay is this special? It’s so gay that the scariest sight in the whole damn thing is when Paul Lynde, playing a definitely not okay caricature of a sheikh, makes out with a stunning Florence Henderson by just smushing his face against hers and moaning.
How gay is this special? It has Florence Henderson draped in a skintight, floor-length sequin gown that Roxxxy Andrews and Alexis Michelle would kill for while belting out a disco take on “That Old Black Magic.”
How gay is this special? It devotes a third of KISS’ screentime to the ballad “Beth,” sung by sensitive kitty cat Peter Criss. Oh—sorry, did I not mention that this special is where America first met KISS? Because it is. Credited as a “rock and roll explosion,” these glamorous, fire-breathing hell-raisers made their big TV debut in an elevator.
KISS aren’t the only big name in this spooky celebration, either. Betty White drops in for a hot sec just to call Lynde a “booby prize” and bounce, and Lynde’s co-host is none other than Margaret Hamilton, the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz. That’s right, the Paul Lynde Halloween Special is so canon that it has the platonic ideal of a witch! Also, because it’s 1976, the other co-host is Billie Hayes as her kids’ show character Witchiepoo.
To paraphrase SNL’s Stefon, himself a 21st century response to the question “What if Paul Lynde lived to see house music and Ed Hardy?”—This special has everything: Betty White reading Paul Lynde to filth, barking vultures, Witch Monopoloy, Donnie and Marie Osmond flashing what is now considered a white power symbol, Gloomsbury Manor, a Halloween parody of “Kids” from Bye Bye Birdie that includes this lyric:
That’s a lot, I know, but I believe all of this discombobulating pop culture madness can be summed up by this picture of the Wicked Witch of the West introducing Paul Lynde to Ace Frehley.
Also, can everyone please make this special as infamous as it deserves so people will get my costume when I eventually dress up in Paul Lynde’s exact outfit for Halloween?
This being a special from 1976, you know it ends with a big disco number.
And after reading to the lyrics, I’m beginning to suspect that “disco” isn’t just about getting down on the dance floor!
The Paul Lynde Halloween Special is just a wonder to behold, 50 glorious minutes of people in costumes, uh, talking and moving. I’d say it’s too bizarre for words, but I’ve already found 800 of them—and I could find 800 more. But really, you only need the one GIF to get it:
