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Good morning, and welcome back to another week of college football action. Every Saturday morning this season, we’re previewing the biggest storylines and hottest dramas of the college football slate. This weekend? Hooo boy. It’s gonna be a rowdy one. So tuck your pants into your socks, tell your pets you love them, and let’s dive on in.

#6 Oklahoma vs. #11 Texas (Noon, Fox)

SOONER OR LATER

Texas Cheerleaders — Photo: Getty Images

Unlike some lesser weeks, we don’t have to wait around through a staid early slate of Big 10 also-rans today. Nope, college football’s kicking down the door early with the Red River Shootout (or whatever they’re pretending it’s called these days), live from the Texas State Fair in Dallas. It’s always a festive affair, and the relative strengths of the teams don’t always have much bearing on the result — despite Oklahoma being stronger for most of the last decade, the Longhorns have gotten in a few lucky punches in recent years.

This year, though? It’s actually a great matchup, and will no doubt go a long way to determining the Big 12 frontrunner. Texas’s secondary is likely going to be stretched by Jalen Hurts and the prolific Sooner offense — one that’s averaging over 50 points in its first five games. This won’t be the first time the Longhorns have faced a scorching aerial attack, though, and they almost outrun Joe Burrow and the new-look LSU Tigers earlier in the season. (More on them later.)

If Sam Ehlinger and company can turn this into a boat race (like last year’s down-to-the-wire 48-45 shootout win), they’ll have a shot at derailing the playoff hopes of Lincoln Riley’s crew.

And if not? They can always grab some of that deep-fried Coke on the way out.

HOW TO STREAM: If you have a valid cable login, watch on Fox.com and the Fox Sports app (available on iTunes, Amazon, and Google Play). Depending on your location, you can also access a FOX live stream with an active subscription to fuboTV, Sling TV, YouTube TV, Hulu + Live TV, PlayStation Vue, or AT&T TV NOW.

#1 Alabama at #24 Texas A&M (3:30pm, CBS)

IT’S A GOOD THING THE AGGIES KNOW MEAT, BECAUSE THEY’VE ALREADY BEEN TENDERIZED

Nick Saban Leatherheads — Photo: Getty Images

Being an Aggie can be a thankless job. Sure, they seem to have fun with it, cramming 100,000 plus into the concrete pit of screams that is Kyle Field, roaring with unnerving precision. The thing about playing in the SEC West, though, is that you’re not going to have an easy go of things. It’s a murderous gauntlet for anyone to go through, and the win-loss record doesn’t quite reflect all they’ll have gone through.

The top-ranked Crimson Tide come to town to visit a team that’s already lost twice to top competition — first to defending national champion and then-#1 Clemson, and two weeks later to eighth-ranked Auburn. For their part, Alabama hasn’t faced much of a test yet — cruising to five easy victories over unranked teams.

There’s two ways this could get interesting.

The hallmark of Alabama teams over Nick Saban’s legend-making tenure in Tuscaloosa has been a stifling defense — it’s been like playing against a boa constrictor, just a slow, suffocating death, with the Tide offense not being asked to do much. Saban’s managed to modernize his offense around Tua Tagovailoa, and gone are the days of those dry, workmanlike 24-3 victories. This team can light it up, but they’ve lost a bit of edge on the other side of the ball. If Tua has an off game, a Tide defense that hasn’t had to work for it this season could suddenly find themselves playing from behind.

The other way it could go wrong? It’s in College Station. Crazy things can happen there, especially when the 12th Man gets in the game.

HOW TO STREAM: CBS All Access, Hulu + Live TV, fuboTV, YouTube TV, AT&T TV NOW, or PlayStation Vue.

#25 Cincinnati at Houston (3:30pm, ESPN2)

LET’S HAVE A BACKUP PLAN, THOUGH

You shouldn’t ever put all your eggs in the “what if Bama’s tested” basket, if you’re a scrupulous college football viewer — you might find yourself raking leaves by the second quarter. So just in case that boa constrictor shows itself, we’ve got an under-the-radar exciting American Conference matchup to flip to.

The Cincinnati Bearcats have been one of the winningest programs in college football over the last dozen years, even including a recent two-year black hole left by Tommy Tuberville’s neglect and eventual departure. Former Ohio State assistant (and briefly, head coach) Luke Fickell has the Bearcats’ machine humming again, though. Coming off a surprising 11-2 campaign in 2018, they’ve brought back most all of their weapons, including second-year quarterback Desmond Ridder and junior running back Michael Warren II. Even with a, ahem, stumble against Ohio State, the 4-1 Bearcats proved they’re right back at it with a Friday night win against recent Group of Five darling Central Florida last weekend. Their path to the New Year’s Six isn’t entirely in their own hands — undefeated Boise State has something to say about that — but they’re entirely in the mix.

(Full disclosure: I’m a Cincinnati alum and fan and completely biased here, but everything I said above is true. Also, Skyline Chili is delicious if you keep an open mind, and WKRP in Cincinnati holds up great in syndication. Pete Rose is a jerk, though.)

A trip to Houston could prove a perilous trap for the Bearcats. The Cougars, 2-3 coming into the weekend, haven’t been the power challenger of the Tom Herman years, but if anyone’s capable of pulling off an upset (or a diamond heist, or smuggling a timberwolf into a casino), it’s newly-imported head coach Dana Holgorsen. Heck, he surprised most everyone just by taking the Houston job this winter after an eight-year run with West Virginia.

There have been growing pains to start his AAC tenure — namely, Cougars starting QB D’Eriq King opting to take a redshirt and sit out the rest of the year. Sophomore Clayton Tune stepped in and looked steady in a win over North Texas — maybe Holgorsen will find he went all in on a bluff and flopped a nut straight. (I had to look up a gambling term for that.)

HOW TO STREAM: You can live stream on ABC via the “watch live” section on the ESPN website or the ESPN app, which you can download on iTunes, Google Play, and Amazon. To access an ESPN live stream, you’ll need a proper cable login or a subscription to an over-the-top internet service that carries ESPN (Sling TV, Hulu + Live TV, YouTube TV, AT&T TV NOW, and PlayStation Vue).

#10 Penn State at #17 Iowa (7:30pm, ABC)

TECHNICALLY THIS IS IMPORTANT

Penn State has a chance to prove they’re for real in the evening’s undercard match. Technically the Nittany Lions are undefeated. Technically they’ve got one of the best defenses in the country so far this year. Idaho-Buffalo-Pittsburgh-Maryland-Purdue isn’t a resume, though, it’s a route I once took on a MegaBus fare. Penn State’s not in the national conversation yet, and few experts predict them to press Ohio State for the Big Ten East title. A night game at Kinnick Stadium, The Graveyard of Empires*, is a true test of their mettle.

(*okay I looked it up that’s actually Afghanistan but Ohio State did get upset there that one time…)

The Hawkeyes boast a top-tier defense of their own — hey, they held Michigan to only 10 points last week! (The bad news: they only scored three points.) Both Penn State’s Sean Clifford and Iowa’s Nate Stanley look to be in for a long night against these fierce fronts, and this might be a “first to 14 points wins” endeavor.

If only there were a concurrent game that proves to be a barnburner…

[thoughtfully scratches chin]

[looks pensively out window]

[flaming couch crashes through window]

Ah. Right. That.

#7 Florida at #5 LSU (8pm, ESPN)

TIGER, TIGER, BURNING BRIGHT

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: OCT 05 Utah State at LSU — Photo: Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

You couldn’t ask for a better main event than this. Two undefeateds, both showing unexpected new gears, clashing under the lights in front of a crowd that’s going to have been tailgating and marinating all day long. It’s going to be loud, it’s going to be angry, and it’s going to be an absolute blast.

Dan Mullen might not have been Florida’s first choice when they brought him over from Mississippi State a year ago, but he’s got the Gainesville rebuild ahead schedule — bolstered by a defense that’s been the SEC’s best so far this season. Ed Orgeron, similarly, felt like a compromise choice when he moved from interim to full-time head coach in 2017, but he’s steadily been building the Tigers back into an SEC West threat. Orgeron’s worked to modernize and upgrade the offense — often an afterthought in Baton Rouge — but few expected the explosion they’ve seen so far this season. The addition of passing game coordinator Joe Brady and Ohio State transfer QB Joe Burrow has unleashed a sleeping giant in the bayou. Burrow’s looking like a top Heisman contender, with 22 touchdowns in only five games so far this year.

Neither’s the frontrunner in their division — if you ask the bookmakers, Alabama and Georgia look to be meeting in Atlanta this December for the league championship — but it’s looking like less and less of a surprise if one of them turns the corner and becomes a real playoff threat.

Now, I’m not a betting man, myself. But if I were? Well, I’ve eaten alligator in Louisiana before. They sure know how to cook one down there.

Enjoy the games, and try the gumbo.

Scott Hines is an architect, blogger and internet user who lives in Louisville, Kentucky with his wife, two young children, and a small, loud dog.