Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Tell Me Who I Am’ On Netflix, A Gripping Documentary About Twin Brothers, Memory Loss And Abuse

The brain and memory are both endlessly engrossing topics, especially for documentarians. But Tell Me Who I Am isn’t just about someone with a brain injury who doesn’t remember anything but his twin brother. No, it’s about family secrets and what responsibility the brother who knows about those secrets has to tell the brother who doesn’t. Read on to find out more about this must-watch film…

TELL ME WHO I AM: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: In 1982, 18-year old Alex Lewis woke up from a horrific motorcycle accident and didn’t remember anything or anyone. He didn’t know where he was, what country he was in… he didn’t even recognize his mother. The only person he did recognize was his identical twin brother Marcus. When Alex came home to the Lewis family’s sprawling house, Marcus took it upon himself to teach him basic skills, like how to make toast, and how to ride a bike.

When Alex started asking Alex starting asking Marcus about their life and their childhoods, Marcus would show his brother pictures of the two of them on vacations or building snowmen or hanging out with the family in the backyard. Alex, for his part, accepts everything Marcus tells him as fact and for one reason or another doesn’t press any further. But Alex starts to wonder about things, especially when there are areas of the house they are not allowed to go in. And when their father asked for forgiveness on his deathbed, Marcus refused to give it, which left Alex puzzled.

Alex became close to his mother over the intervening 14 years, and when she died, he was distraught. But Marcus felt nothing, not even guilt for not grieving. While they were cleaning out the house, the various weirdness of their parents, especially their mother, would be apparent. But when Marcus found a bizarre photo in a secret hutch in the closet, he confronted Marcus with a question that would change the nature of their relationship.

Marcus confirmed that their mother had done horrible things to them, and he had been sparing Alex those details since the accident. And, while they remained close, over the intervening 20 years, Marcus just couldn’t bring himself to give his brother the details of just what their mother did. But on camera, with lights everywhere, Marcus finally decided to give a “fuck you” to his mom and give his brother the details, as difficult as it was for him to dredge up. But they were so horrible, he’d only do it to the camera, and wait for Marcus to watch the video of it, before moving on.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: There are plenty of movies about seemingly normal families with deep, dark secrets, especially when it comes to abuse. Capturing The Friedmans comes to mind. We were also reminded a bit of Three Identical Strangers, another recent doc about the mysterious connections between twins (well, in this case, we actually mean triplets, but you get the point).

Performance Worth Watching: Both Lewis brothers are amazing in this film. They both run through their emotions on this issue, with Alex in wonderment and anguish that his brother won’t tell him about what his mother did to them, and Marcus in a different sort of anguish, having the firsthand knowledge of what happened but not wanting to tell Alex, for both of their sakes. And when the truth finally does comes out, the two of them are emotional but composed enough to talk to each other about the level of closure this gives Alex, despite the pain this gives Marcus.

Memorable Dialogue: Marcus on why he continued to lie to Alex about their childhoods: “Lying to my brother has a toll on me, and it alters the way you feel about yourself. I was lying to my best friend, my partner, my other half, every single day. And the guilt of doing that was so big. But telling him the truth was 1,000 times worse than telling him a lie. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.”

Sex and Skin: Marcus’ description of what his mother did to him and Alex made us recoil in horror at more than one point. Considering Marcus is now the only one of the two Lewis brothers who has firsthand knowledge of what happened, it’s amazing that he’s reached his mid 50s living a relatively normal life.

Our Take: Tell Me Who I Am, directed by Ed Perkins, is a documentary that’s simple in structure, but unbelievably complex in content and meaning. The only people interviewed are Alex and Lewis Marcus. There are archival photos and videos of their childhoods and young adulthoods — Alex took myriad pictures of the friends he once had and had to get to know all over again, afraid his memory will fail one more time.

While the brothers wrote a book about this extraordinary circumstance back in 2013, Marcus had never told Alex about the details of what went on until this film. And while the first two parts of the film, where we hear Alex’s side of how his brother filled him in on their lives after the accident, and the conflict Marcus went through keeping these details from him, the film really comes together in the third part, where Marcus finally tells his brother what actually happened.

That part is fascinating for many reasons: We see the true love these brothers have for one another, despite what’s happened between since the accident, and we see Marcus’ multi-layered guilt and anguish at not telling his brother the details over the past 20 years. He had done a lot to lock the past away, even to the point where he built a somewhat functional relationship with his mother before she died, and he knew that telling Alex the truth would open “Pandora’s box” for both of them. Alex would be horrified at the truth but at least okay with the fact that he got the answers he wanted. But because of the accident, he no longer has the memories of living through it. Marcus still does, and the horror of it all was something that he just couldn’t face.

To say that the film is gripping, riveting and remarkable does Tell Me Who I Am a disservice. Perkins expertly leads both brothers through their stories, and lingers on each face as their emotions get the better of them. And through his camera we can see Alex’s puzzlement and pain at the fact that his brother continues to omit information he so crucially wants. And we also see how much Marcus has been holding on to over the years in the furrow of his brow, the sadness in his eyes, and the overall slump of his shoulders.

By the time the film is over, you’re emotionally wrung out, sad that the brothers lost time to both the accident and these lies, but happy that they’re starting a new chapter with everything out in the open.

Our Call: STREAM IT. Tell Me Who I Am would be remarkable if it was just about the bond between identical twins despite the tragedy of memory loss. But it becomes truly profound as you hear more about the abuse the Lewis brothers suffered at the hand of their mother. The fact that they’re functioning humans with families despite everything makes the film actually quite hopeful. And that by itself makes it one of the best documentaries we’ve seen in 2019.

Your Call:

Joel Keller (@joelkeller) writes about food, entertainment, parenting and tech, but he doesn’t kid himself: he’s a TV junkie. His writing has appeared in the New York Times, Slate, Salon, VanityFair.com, Playboy.com, FastCompany.com, RollingStone.com, Billboard and elsewhere.

Stream Tell Me Who I Am On Netflix