Ellen DeGeneres’ Birthday Feud with Dakota Johnson Is the Internet’s Favorite Thing

This past week daytime television delivered on what the internet loves: two rich, famous ladies throwing down over a petty argument. Dakota Johnson, Fifty Shades star and overall underrated actor, went on Ellen to promote who knows what. The important thing is that DeGeneres tried to make Johnson feel guilty for not being invited to her birthday party and Johnson was having none of that nonsense.

The clip gained attention after Twitter use Chicks in the Office posted it. “You turned 30. And how was the party? I wasn’t invited,” DeGeneres snidely joked.

But Johnson was three steps ahead in this game of birthday chess. “Actually, that’s not the truth Ellen. You were invited,” Johnson said. “Last time I was on the show, last year, you gave me a bunch of shit for not inviting you.”

Anastasia Steele then delivered a truly spectacular gut punch, claiming that not only was Ellen absolutely invited, she wasn’t even sure if DeGeneres liked her. DeGeneres tried to fight back, claiming that she wasn’t really invited, but you can’t argue with facts. Ellen was invited and didn’t go.

“Ask everybody,” Johnson sweetly said, dangling her victory in the daytime host’s face. Her pursed smile alone should earn her an Oscar for best WASP throw down.

Johnathan the producer confirmed the truth. DeGeneres was invited to Johnson’s birthday party and missed it because she was out of town. After trying to argue with reality for far too long, the comedian finally faced the facts and apologized.

But DeGeneres’ shame, it is only just beginning. Earlier this year DeGeneres was heavily criticized for a photo showing her palling around at an NFL game with George W. Bush and Laura Bush. DeGeneres’ Twitter followers were outraged, largely because of Bush’s long-held beliefs against the LGBTQ+ community.

What game did they go to, you may be asking? The Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers game on Sunday, October 7. That’s also known as one day after Johnson’s birthday bash on October 6.

That’s right; not only was Ellen DeGeneres invited to Dakota Johnson’s birthday. She skipped it to go to Texas to hang with the Bushes in a move that would later be savaged on Twitter. We would say that DeGeneres owes Johnson a late birthday present for all this nonsense but the taste of a sweet moral victory should be enough.

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