Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Hot Gimmick: Girl Meets Boy’ on Netflix, a Baffling Adaptation of a Teen-Romance Manga

Netflix movie Hot Gimmick: Girl Meets Boy adapts a popular shojo (“young woman”) manga stretching over 12 volumes published between 2000 and 2005. Director and co-writer Yuki Yamato aims for the same demographic with the film, which was released in Japan last summer and now debuts internationally via the streaming service. Will it transcend its target audience, or only appeal to teen-ish females?

HOT GIMMICK: GIRL MEETS BOY: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Hatsuni (Miona Hori) is a meek teenage schoolgirl. Her older sister, Akane (Hiyori Sakurada), believes she may be pregnant, and buys a pregnancy test. The test ends up in the hands of their neighbor, Ryoki (Hiroya Shimizu), who drops it in their family’s mailbox for their mother to discover. She finds it, there are denials, etc., but she never learns which of her daughters is in trouble, or if it was a joke, or for a friend, or what. But Ryoki uses this information to blackmail Hatsuni: If she doesn’t agree to be his personal slave, he’ll spill the beans to their mother.

If this seems convoluted and strange, don’t worry, because it’s barely mentioned again. I’m pretty sure they never even divulge whether Akane is actually pregnant or not, and we can’t tell via her physical appearance, because the movie makes it difficult to discern the passage of time. Anyway, Ryoki taunts Hatsuni and calls her stupid, and she agrees, because she has the backbone of a jellyfish. She lugs his stuff to the train station for him, all the while absorbing his cruel verbal abuse. She says she’s stupid and clearly not as cute as the other girls at school. Does Ryoki think she’s cute? He never says, but he definitely says she’s stupid at least 30 times a minute. Of course, they’re destined to fall in love. Or are they?

Meanwhile, Hatsuni’s childhood friend Azusa (Mizuki Itagaki) moves back into the apartment complex; he’s a famous model, with his face on billboards, TV and magazines. Azusa pursues Hatsuni, asking her out on a date and telling her she’s cute, even though she doesn’t think she’s cute, not even remotely as cute as the other girls at school who are mean and gossipy, and there’s much discussion as to her cuteness or lack thereof. Is she cute? Sure. Why can’t we move on from the cuteness debate? No clue, people. No clue. Anyway, Azusa proves to be a cad who deserves to be arrested. But hey, he thinks Hatsuni’s cute!

The rest of the movie mostly focuses on Hatsuni and her willowing unpersonality tormenting herself over whether she loves Ryoki or Azusa, even though they both treat her like dirt — but I guess this is what happens when the main character believes she’s lower than millipede dung and doesn’t deserve a boyfriend who isn’t a complete shitheel. Oh, there’s also a subplot involving Hatsuni’s older brother Shinogu (Shotaro Mamiya) finding out he’s adopted, and if you think about where that kind of development might lead, well, yes, it kind of goes there. Ick!

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: I’ve seen many movies, very few of which are as inscrutable as Hot Gimmick. Loss for words here.

Performance Worth Watching: You know that gif of Sylvester the Cat drinking so much coffee he’s bug-eyed and jittery and probably near death? I’m pretty sure that’s the editor of this film.

Memorable Dialogue: “You’re the idiot with the most potential in the universe,” Ryoki says, summoning the nicest compliment for Hatsuni as he possibly can.

Sex and Skin: Some smooching and a couple scenes of seductive whatnot that end in tears.

Our Take: This movie is unwatchable. It’s two hours long, repetitive, emotionally impenetrable, irritating, written by someone who can’t find a synonym for “cute,” incomprehensible and edited by Screwy Squirrel with a power chisel. Its idea of romance appears to be from the perspective of a space alien who studied mating banana slugs and adapted the data to human behavior. It has little narrative flow, and functions like a series of vignettes that are impervious to human logic.

The Hatsuni character takes the idea of teenage confusion/uncertainty and stretches it into such implausible territory, it defies the laws of the natural world. Ryoki is a stump fence; Azusa is a criminal; Shinogu is a creep. Everyone broods and shouts their dialogue, and the scowl-to-smile ratio among this collection of miserable people is roughly a billion to two. What happens at the end of this humorless, pancaked melodrama is preposterously undramatic. You can tell which is the climactic scene by how the shouting intensifies and the editing devolves into a tornadic frenzy. Maybe I’m not the target demographic; maybe the best movies don’t limit their appeal to specific audiences; maybe some movies are just bad no matter who’s watching it.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Just to be absolutely crystal clear, Hot Gimmick: Girl Meets Boy is not particularly good.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Hot Gimmick: Girl Meets Boy on Netflix