Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Saint Seiya: Knights of the Zodiac Part II’ on Netflix, in Which the Reboot Soldiers On, Repetitively

Netflix’s 2019 reboot of the beloved anime series Saint Seiya: Knights of the Zodiac was not met kindly by fans, who clearly consider the original to be sacred text. Yet Netflix soldiers on with the CG-animated series, debuting its second half, which picks up with the title heroes not-quite-but-almost-literally dangling by their fingertips from a cliff. (They actually appeared to be killed when an erupting volcano crumbled around them. I HATE when that happens.) Meanwhile, Netflix added four seasons of the 1980s series, giving those who dislike the new series an opportunity to watch something else without hopping over to another streaming service. It’s just Netflix playing chess, but also owning the board.

SAINT SEIYA: KNIGHTS OF THE ZODIAC PART II: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: Misty and Marin walk along a rocky landscape while the volcano oozes lava in the distance behind them.

The Gist: QUICK RECAP of the Part I finale: Seiya looked like he died (but probably didn’t). And the same goes for the rest of his fellow Bronze Knights, who appear to have eaten the wrong side of some falling rock.

END RECAP: Silver Knight Misty (voice of Corey Hartzog) gloats over the apparent corpses of the Bronze Knights. But: “Didn’t you see the rays of light coming out of the volcano?” asks his compadre, Marin (Maggie Flecknoe), who appears to have gone turncoat on her Bronze Knight pals. Misty is nonplussed, and I hereby paraphrase him: There’s no way they could have survived such a majestic attack from Misty, the most gorgeous and powerful knight we’ve ever seen, now where can he get some Dapper Dan for his hair?

And it’s true! They’re not dead, I think! Seiya wakes up a slight amnesiac on a beach. A small red-haired girl named Kiki (Kira Vincent-Davis) explains that Master Mu (John Gremillion) saved everyone except the Phoenix knight. She recaps the recap, reiterating how Seiya got his butt kicked. Marin and Misty arrive on the scene; Misty calls Seiya a FOOL approximately 736 times; and every character gets at least one-to-three opportunities to voice how a Silver Knight like Misty is forever and ever more powerful than a Bronze Knight like Seiya, not at all setting up a highly dramatic gut-twisting conclusion to the episode.

So Misty and Seiya face off. Misty the Fop blasts Seiya the FOOL with pink energy balls. Seiya’s counterattacks just bounce off Misty’s impenetrable hairspray-and-Covergirl armor. Seiya dies, except he doesn’t — Marin turned coat again, casting a glamor spell on him. But Misty knows what’s up, because, according to Misty, nothing gets past Misty’s gorgeous eyes and superior intellect and extraordinary power, he saysr He digs up Seiya, and blasts him with more pink energy balls. But Seiya achieves the impossible, stopping one of the pink energy balls with his hands. He summons all his cosmic gumption, blasting Misty with a comet (yes, a comet), then swooping up his dazed opponent and plunging into the ocean. Seiya emerges triumphant! He digs up the graves of the Bronze Knights, just knowing Marin also cast a glamor spell on them — but the graves are empty. Where does Marin’s loyalty lie? With the Silver Knights? The Bronze Knights? Or to the plot, which uses her as a convenient device? Cliff hanged!

Our Take: The first episode of Saint Seiya: Knights of the Zodiac: Reboot: Part I: The First Part of the Reboot was just fine, I guess, at establishing the scenario. But that’s not the end of the exposition — not at all. The first 22 minutes of Part II: The Second Part of the Reboot consists of about 98 percent stultifyingly dull explanation of what happened, is happening or will happen, as if our eyes and ears are incapable of processing it ourselves.

Of course, it also tends to hurt our eyes and ears with the uninspired, repetitive visuals and uninspired, repetitive dialogue. There is no drama, wit or anything of interest in anything the characters say, which sounds like the recitation of narrative blocks in a comic book, and is so repetitive, it makes a spinning merry-go-round look dynamic. If there’s a plot point to be delivered verbally even though it’s also being delivered visually, it will be delivered verbally multiple times. It’s repetitive, and then it’s repetitive, and then it’s repetitive again. Did I mention it’s repetitive? Seiya reviews the episode in his own dialogue: “What was this all about?” he asks, like a FOOL! Well, clearly, it was about what it was about, and it also wasn’t about what it wasn’t about. Duh, you FOOL! That’s what it was or wasn’t about! Who’s in for another episode? Only a FOOL would be!

Sex and Skin: None.

Parting Shot: Standing next to the empty graves of the Bronze Knights, Seiya stares down Marin, demanding to know where they are.

Sleeper Star: This is Marin, mostly by default. She wears an expressionless metal mask throughout the episode, making it impossible to read her mood. Which means she’s the only character who doesn’t state her motives with an obviousness that any fool can plainly see, over and over and over again.

Most Pilot-y Line: Mu explains how Seiya manages to beat Misty: “Seiya focused the power of his meteor punches into one! Like a comet with 100 times the force!”, which is something I do at least three times every day before breakfast.

Our Call: SKIP IT. Those already invested in a half-dozen episodes of the Saint Seiya reboot may want to see it through to the end. The rest of us will feel as if we’re being run over by a comet so many times, being run over by a comet has no meaning at all anymore.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Saint Seiya: Knights of the Zodiac Part II on Netflix