‘Schitt’s Creek’: A Real Review Of The Fake Film ‘The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening’

In 2011, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson invigorated the Fast and Furious franchise with a healthy jolt of what industry insiders refer to as “razzmatazz.” The character of Luke Hobbs changed the trajectory of the action movie genre as subsequent sequels dominated the box office. Did The Rock help stave off cinematic extinction? That’s a question for another day. But one immutable truth is that former Sunrise Bay standout Moira Rose has resurrected the once floundering Crows franchise.

Now streaming on Interflix, The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening is a sense-tingling viewing experience that will make you question the very idea of cinema. Directed by Hollywood enigma Blair and starring the aforementioned Rose as respected ornithologist Dr. Clara Beatrice Mandrake, the third installment of the series is an artistic outlier — and not just because the movie blatantly contradicts much of the narrative that’s been established in the two previous films. On first glance, The Crowening is an “apocalyptic fantasy about mutant crows,” but after you scratch the surface, you’ll find a timely allegory about prejudice that transcends both space and time.

Watching The Crowening is a true one-of-a-kind viewing experience. From minute one the film imbues you with a sensation similar to gliding through a barely legal haunted house after exceeding the daily recommended dose of NyQuil. It’s a dizzyingly disorienting jaunt that will make you feel like you stumbled upon the meaning of life while simultaneously giving you the bewildering notion that you plum forgot how to do long division. The undisputed star of the picture is Rose, whose desire for piercing authenticity resulted in 1,200 real crows feathers being hand-sewn into her costume.

The actress doesn’t so much portray a crow as she becomes a crow, injecting the role with a gentle pathos that combines the emotional complexity of a murderous perching bird with the steady reliability of a trusty grandfather clock. While the film first gained national attention thanks to a viral video of a real-life crow attack during the movie’s small-town premiere, it’s evolved into a bonafide hit. Rose’s publicist — who just so happens to be her daughter, former A Little Bit Alexis star Alexis Rose — told us that the viral incident wasn’t so much of a “crow attack” as it was an “immersive experience” meant to convey the plight of the crow.

Alexis, who during our conversation repeatedly mentioned her new position as CEO and founder of Alexis Rose Communications, was kind enough to provide Decider with some behind-the-scenes photos of The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening.

Moira Rose’s return to the spotlight was an unexpected surprise for the revitalized star. Rose memorably took a step back from Hollywood’s siren call, moving to the quiet hamlet of Schitt’s Creek after her family fell victim to a high-profile embezzlement scheme. Over the past few years, the actress has eschewed big budget productions for the simple pleasures of giving back to the local music scene and directing a well-received rural performance of Cabaret.

But that was before Crows became the most popular film in Interflix history.

Before the unexpected success of Crows, Interflix’s biggest claim to fame came after frantically snatching up the last remaining crumbs of the streaming war. While Netflix and HBO Max haggled over Friends, Interflix scooped us the global streaming rights to ghosts of Must-See TV’s past like Suddenly Susan, Michael Chiklis’ dad-com Daddio, the fourth season of Just Shoot Me, The Single Guy, and all three seasons of the Téa Leoni vehicle The Naked Truth. The network suffered a now infamous black eye after prematurely announcing the acquisition of all 32 episodes of the Anthony Clark laugher Boston Common before Pluto TV famously secured the streaming rights during a frantic last minute negotiation session with Castle Rock Entertainment.

To say that the third installment of the Crows franchise saved Interflix wouldn’t be an exaggeration. Before Moira Rose’s big screen return injected the brand with an influx of social cache, the company’s top three programs were the short-lived Saved by the Bell spinoff Mr. Belding M.D., Werner Herzog’s controversial dystopian Parker Lewis remake Parker Lewis Can and WILL Lose, and Edward Burns’ mildly-popular early 2000s NBC series Five Towns.

No longer content to live in the shadow of streaming giants like Netflix, Hulu, and Tubi, Interflix is embracing an aggressive acquisition strategy.

Last week, it was announced that the company acquired the exclusive streaming rights to one of Hollywood’s most elusive properties: James Cameron’s Aquaman. The successful 2006 superhero film starring Vincent Chase and Mandy Moore had long been considered streaming’s white whale before being wooed by the ascendant media company. Unsurprisingly, Interflix is also going all in on Moira Rose. The streamer recently surprised subscribers by not only adding the actress’ hit soap opera Sunrise Bay to their service, but by also releasing Rose’s cult Lifetime movie Not Without My Cousin, which, as a bonus, includes an audio commentary option featuring co-star Joyce DeWitt.

There’s no denying The Crows’ impact on Interflix, but the film would be just another title without the theatrical splendor of its star. There’s a section in The Crowening in which Dr. Mandrake says, “I am but a tail-feather away from finding the cure. So please… quiet your caws so that we may take up our cause: Redemption.”

Today we spell redemption: M-O-I-R-A.

The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening is now streaming on Interflix.

Where to stream Schitt's Creek