Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Animal Crackers’ on Netflix, an Animated Movie About Magic Cookies and the People Who Eat Them and Turn Into Animals

After an ordeal that might be more compelling than the movie itself, animated kiddie flick Animal Crackers has finally debuted on Netflix. A labor of love by co-director and writer Scott Christian Sava, the movie is a lowish-budget, independent production that managed to wrangle a roster of significant talent — voice-cast members John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Danny DeVito and Ian McKellen; Mulan director Tony Bancroft; Huey Lewis, Michael Buble and Howard Jones contribute original songs — before the whole shebang hung in limbo thanks to a bevy of financial hangups and lawsuits. As we speak, the movie’s Netflix release is being disputed by a seafood magnate-slash-movie investor and an Australian distributor, so you can’t help but wonder if it’ll get yanked smack in the middle of watching it.

ANIMAL CRACKERS: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: SAN JOSE, 1962: Horatio P. Huntington (McKellan) is a mega-ego circus ringmaster performing a majestic number exalting in the glory of himself. To his chagrin, his brother Buffalo Bob (James Arnold Taylor) marries the lovely Talia (Tara Strong), daughter of the (warning: pending offensive stereotype) Gypsy fortune teller — and then they take over the circus, as a clown named Chesterfield narrates with the voice of Danny DeVito. This has very little to do with anything, so just hold on, because 30 years of the narrative will pass, and then another 20 or so, before the story really starts.

Buffalo Bob and Talia had a favorite nephew who wasn’t Horatio’s offspring (who’s offspring was he? No clue), and his name is Owen (Krasinski). He met his lifelong love Zoe (Blunt) at the circus, and they grew up to get married and have a daughter of their own. He abandoned his beloved circus to work at his dingus father-in-law’s (Wallace Shawn) dog-biscuit factory because a gig taste-testing canine snacks was the responsible thing to do, it seems.

So I think it’s near about the modern day by now, because people have cell phones. Owen has been working on a secret project with Binkley (Raven-Symone) to make dog biscuits taste like people food because dogs like people food so much, waging war against douchey salesjerk Brock’s (Patrick Warburton) attempts to sabotage it. If you anticipate this subplot having something to do with magic animal crackers, well, you’d be wrong, but it does exist for some reason. A fire breaks out at the circus, killing Buffalo Bob and Talia. Owen inherits a little box of animal crackers, and when he eats one that’s shaped like a hamster, he turns into a hamster. He eats one shaped like a bear, and turns into a bear. Etc. This seems unfortunate, but hey, at least we’ve finally reached the heart of the doggone story here.

The good news: There’s an Owen biscuit that allows him to return to his original human form. The bad news: Without Bob and Talia, the circus folds. But Zoe decides a life as a dog-biscuit heiress sucks rocks, and she takes over so all the clowns and trapeze artists and a guy named Bullet-Man (Sylvester Stallone!) can remain employed as beloved entertainers of children and families. Meanwhile, Horatio wrings his bony 80-year-old hands because he no doubt has some diabolical plan to dominate the circus he lost. And some shenanigans with magic animal crackers that turn people into animals happen. Monkeyshines, lionshines, gorillashines, giraffeshines, rhinoshines and other assorted -shines ensue.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: The animals have a ca.-2005 Madagascar visual design ethic; the people have a ca.-2010 Despicable Me chunkiness; the movie clips along at an almost-Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs zaniness; and it has the generic comfort-foody story of forgettable animated fare along the lines of Wonder Park and Igor.

Performance Worth Watching: McKellan puts all manner of gusto into his voice performance, including a couple of bellowy singing numbers (!), making us wonder if this strange mishmash of a movie actually deserves his effort.

Memorable Dialogue: The following dialogue passage is repeated by two different characters in an attempt to create humor via repetition: “A baboon! A talking baboon! (Pause.) A lion! A talking lion!”

Sex and Skin: None, although there’s maybe something weird happening when magic animal cracker consumption goes into overdrive and Zoe wakes up one morning next to Owen in octopus form?

Our Take: Let’s face it: Animal Crackers is kind of a mess. The animation reflects its modest budget. It adheres to a 20-year-old animated-feature formula. It has enough story for a trilogy or two. And it’s not really about much of anything, relegating any potential themes, simple or otherwise, ill-defined amongst a lot of plot rubble.

But it’s also kind of admirable in its ambition, considering it’ll likely be the only movie Sava ever makes, and it isn’t a thinly veiled corporate marketing device designed to sell branding opportunities for fruit snacks and lunch boxes. It holds tight to the old-fashioned belief that forms of poorly ventilated tent-based entertainment (with clowns) are still viable amusements for 21st-century children, which I found sincerely refreshing and quaint. And I enjoyed how its blend of musical sequences and occasionally problematic depictions of circus artists reminded me of both The Greatest Showman and Tod Browning’s Freaks.

“A lion playing a guitar. Very funny,” my amused five-year-old said, and please take note of his earnestness, as he’s incapable of cynicism (yet). But he couldn’t quite hang with the overabundant story bric-a-brac for 105 minutes. (“What happened to that guy and girl?”, he asked. “The ones with the blue and purple hair?”, I replied. “No, the ones from the beginning of the movie.” “You mean the aunt and uncle?” “Yeah!” “They died in a fire.” “Oh.”) We did enjoy scenes with monkeys and gorillas, and he liked how Bullet-Man only says “Bullet-Man!”, just like Groot only says “I am Groot,” and I chuckled at the thought of monosyllab-master Stallone taking a paycheck for that. The movie’s a mixed bag, is what I’m trying to say.

Our Call: STREAM IT, he said, with enough reservations to occupy the Holiday Inn for a weekend, but one must acknowledge the dearth of feature-length kid fare in the current state of things. The classic Gene Siskel assertion that the movie isn’t as interesting as watching a documentary about its making doesn’t quite hold up, because Animal Crackers is a special case. That said, if someone makes a documentary about the making of Animal Crackers, I’d watch the hell out of it.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Animal Crackers on Netflix