Satan Made a Dating Show and It’s Called ‘Singletown’

Sometimes you find the art you need in your life, and other times that art finds you. That’s what happened to me and Singletown, a show so deranged and diabolic it must have been created by the Dark Lord himself. And yet I can’t stop pressing play.

It all started with an innocent enough Slack. “If you want a mindless Love Is Blind-like show, Singletown on HBO Max has sort of similar energy, but British,” my New York Post co-worker Lauren Sarner messaged me one day.

On the surface, that may have seemed like a casual enough suggestion; but there was so much more to those 21 words. All throughout February, Netflix’s unhinged and pod-heavy dating show consumed my free time. When I wasn’t Slacking about work, I was messaging various co-workers (and a few IndieWire writers) about the madness of this trash show. We traded Instagram posts from the cast like trading cards. Love Is Blind even bled into my actual life. It would only take minutes for my bar small talk (remember bars?) to descend into dissecting Jessica and Mark’s relationship. Comparing anything to Love Is Blind is difficult, yet Singletown delivers on the insanity of the Netflix reality show and triples it.

It’s impossible to even summarize Singletown without sounding like a sociopath. A group of couples all agree to break up with each other to test their relationships and try their luck dating other people. What says true love better than hooking up with someone new? But little do they know that “Singletown” is actually two suites right across the hall from one another. That’s right. As one person is flirting and smooching someone new, their ex is just a few feet away.

The celebrity hosts Emily Atack and Joel Dommett try to present this reality show as a sort of confidence-boosting self-help exercise. They are liars. What Singletown actually is, is a carefully constructed hell. It’s not enough that these men and women know their exes could be screwing something new mere feet away from their own empty beds. Oh no. The show has to also decorate each living room with giant stylized glam shots of their exes.

And then there’s the television.

Each dating challenge is planned so that the Riverside contestants and the Cityside contestants never have an event at the same time. “Maybe that’s to make editing easier,” you may be thinking to yourself. You sweet, naive fool. Singletown is set up in this staggered way so that when one apartment is partying with a group of hotties, the other group is forced to see the guest list while they sit bored and alone.

But Singletown takes its ex-tracking technology a step further. When an ex is on a date with someone new, the omnipresent television often flickers on to reveal where he or she is and to show a profile of their new suitor. That’s when Atack or Dommett will typically pipe up, asking in a soothing voice how the rejected and oh-so-alone contestant feels. They frown and make sad noises like they’re these people’s friends. But they are not their friends. Like the demons ruled by Lucifer himself, they are these people’s romantic torturers.

Everything about this show is a flaming garbage fire of terrible decisions and deeply shallow people. When asked for their ideal man or woman, most contestants spend a full minute listing physical traits before mentioning anything having to do with morals or a personality. And yet I can’t stop watching. Much like Love Is Blind, Singletown has become part of my trash identity. My free time is now spent slacking about George and his countless number of sad lad baths. He often takes them after going on a horrible date that ends after he brutally insults the woman. I find myself rolling my eyes at Selin or yelling at Jeremiah, a couple who clearly doesn’t want to be together and yet keeps trying while also flirting with new people out of revenge. I cringe at Elliott’s longwinded monologues about love, and cheer when his ex Charlie finally gets some action for himself. I spent one joyous afternoon pouring over my friend Lauren’s deep dive into these patently insane contestants.

As a fairly educated woman, I know that all of this is deeply stupid. And yet nothing can stop me from gleefully pressing play on the next episode. I don’t know what prompted someone to look at the hell that is a breakup and make it 666 times worse. What I do know is that they’re doing the Devil’s work. Singletown is the balm that’s making my own personal singledom look like bliss, and you need it in your life too. All hail Satan, and his greatest creation: Singletown.

Watch Singletown on HBO Max