Happy Birthday Olivia Newton-John: Thank You For The Absolutely Chaotic Musical ‘Xanadu’

Australian national treasure Olivia Newton-John turns 72 today, and it’s not so much a question of if, but how you will celebrate Olivia Newton-John‘s birthday. Well, might I humbly suggest a viewing of Newton-John’s greatest musical of all time, which is now streaming on HBO? No, I don’t mean Grease. (Though Grease is streaming on Netflix, if you want to be boring about it.) I’m speaking of the iconic roller-disco fantasy film, Xanadu, starring Newton-John and Gene Kelly in the most bonkers movie you will ever watch.

When Xanadu first premiered in theaters in 1980, it was panned by critics and audiences alike. Variety called it “stupendously bad.” Time Out felt it was “an experience so vacuous it’s almost frightening.” Even famed critic Roger Ebert, who I thought could appreciate a good time, declared it “mushy and limp.” Xanadu was, in fact, so universally hated, it was one of two films that year that inspired John J.B. Wilson to create the Golden Raspberry Awards, or Razzies, for the worst film of the year.

Folks, I’m here to tell you that the haters are wrong. This movie—which was written by Richard Christian Danus and Marc Reid Rubel, and directed by Robert Greenwald, and features music from music by Newton-John, Electric Light Orchestra, Cliff Richard, and The Tubes—is nothing short of a masterpiece. I know a few of you out there agree. The film has developed a small cult following over the years. There’s enough us to prompt Newton-John to make a short video message for Xanadu‘s 40th anniversary last month, but not enough us to host Rocky Horror-level annual screenings. But we need far more people on this Xanadu roller-skating Conga line, and Newton-John’s birthday is the perfect excuse for a screening.

To be clear, Xanadu is bad. But it’s bad in the best way. It’s bad in the way Cats (2019) wishes it were bad—the zany, campy, totally-off-the-rails-but-nevertheless-delightful way. Imagine the “wtf” feeling you get at the end of Grease, when the car suddenly starts flying, and multiply that by a billion. Every scene in Xanadu will have you shrieking with incredulous joy, starting from the moment you meet the film’s protagonist, whose name is—I kid you not—Sonny Malone (Michael Beck).

Sonny Malone is a down-on-his-luck artist forced to speed-paint album covers in some kind of artist sweatshop, rather than paint what’s in his heart. One day, while he’s roller-skating moodily alongside the California coastline, he encounters a mysterious woman (Newton-John)—also on rollerskates—who kisses him, then disappears. She is, quite literally, a Greek muse who has (maybe?) been sent to inspire him, just as she once inspired an old man that Sonny meets played by Gene Kelly. Yes, that Gene Kelly, who had to be talked into doing the film, which then ended up being his final role before his death in 1996.

While some may remember the titular song, I think too many have forgotten the true beauty of Xanadu. It’s impossible to explain just how delightfully weird Xanadu is using only my words, so allow me to paint you a portrait of GIFs.

Newton-John first appears by stepping out of a wall mural of the Nine Muses of Olympus (with roller skates, of course).

Not for nothing, but the song for this scene—”I’m Alive,” by Electric Light Orchestra—actually slaps.

Then Gene Kelly makes his entrance as an old man playing clarinet on a cliffside.

“Hope you don’t mind a little noon-time music, kid,” is Gene Kelly’s first line in this movie. “A little lunch-time serenade,” is his second.

Kelly and Newton-John share a ’40s-inspired tap number that’s kinda normal… except for the fact that one or both of them are ghosts.

Not weird enough for you yet? Did I mention there’s an animated sequence…

…done by animation legend and The Land Before Time filmmaker Don Bluth?

No explanation is given for this. Sonny Malone and his muse just suddenly turn into cartoons. Is this movie great, or what?!

The finale is 20+ minutes long and features 4 or 5 outfit changes for Newton-John…

…including an abrupt transition from ’80s punk to country western…

…and dizzyingly chaotic choreography of trapeze artists, tight-rope walkers, roller-skaters, and more.

(Most of which you can’t actually see because the cinematography is so terrible.)

Can you honestly look at the above GIFs and tell me that this movie doesn’t look like an absolute blast? Tom Hooper wishes he could make a movie as fun as Xanadu! Now that’s what I call camp! In conclusion, Xanadu is the greatest bad movie of all time, and it’s streaming on HBO for you to enjoy right this second. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Newton-John’s birthday. Sandra Dee can keep her poodle skirts; Kira from Xanadu has a sparkly jumpsuit and a cowgirl jacket with fringe.

Where to watch Xanadu