Naughty or Nice: Can You Guess How Many of These Hallmark Channel Christmas Movies Are Fake?

Synopsis: “Single mom Maggie is facing Christmas alone until Lucas crashes into her life and becomes an unexpected houseguest. Together they overcome Christmas while finding comfort in their growing bond.”

Starring: Ashley Williams and Niall Matter

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Real!

Synopsis: “Wedding planner Jessica Perez travels to a remote town in Alaska to find a rare flower for a celebrity client and is charmed by the small town during Christmas, as well as the handsome local helping her.”

Starring: Julie Gonzalo and Ronnie Rowe Jr.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Real!

Synopsis: It’s the most wonderful time of the year… because Santa’s divorce is finally official! It’s December 26th and Kris Kringle (Chris Kattan) is officially off the clock. Fun, flirty, and single for the first time in over 1,700 years, Kringle is the most festive bachelor on Santa Swipe. But the North Pole’s jolliest resident meets his match when he encounters Ann T. Halladay (Holly Robinson Peete), a former record executive turned city council zoning expert who informs Santa that his permits have lapsed.

Forced to move his workshop next to Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom in Allentown, Pennsylvania, Santa and his trusty elf Rusty adjust to theme park adjacent life, while Annie learns there’s no such thing as a proper permit when it comes to love.

Starring: Chris Kattan, Holly Robinson Peete, Daniel Dae Kim, Lacey Chabert, one of Air Bud’s puppies, a country singer you vaguely recognize from Live with Kelly and Ryan, and former two-time NBA Sixth Man of the Year Detlef Schrempf as Rusty the Elf.

When Does it Premiere? Kris Kringle: License To Mingle is streaming exclusively inside Christmas-themed Hallmark greeting cards before moving to the company’s upcoming streaming platform Hallmark After Dark on January 1, 2021.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Fake!

Synopsis: “A week before Christmas, Dr. Alicia Wright is offered an assignment away from home. A mysterious man from her past journeys to find her before Christmas and brings with him a revelation that could change Alicia’s life forever.”

Starring: Holly Robinson Peete and Adrian Holmes

When Does it Premiere? Sunday, November 15 at 10:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Real!

Synopsis: Frank Capra’s beloved holiday classic It’s a Wonderful Life finally gets the shot for shot remake it so richly deserves. Starring the small screen dream team of Judd from Real World: San Francisco and Psych star Maggie Lawson, the jukebox musical rendition of this holiday staple combines the cinematic gravitas of It’s a Wonderful Life with the audio jambalaya of Swedish techno music maestros Ace of Base. George Bailey’s existential crisis and an endless stream of early ’90s synth-pop unite to answer the age-old question “What’s the true meaning of Christmas?”

Starring: Judd from Real World San Francisco, Maggie Lawson, a country music star you’ve never heard of but your sister has seen in concert four times, Bill Simmons, the Big Show, Chris Redd, Jerry Ferrara, the dulcet tones of Ace of Base, and Lacey Chabert

When Does it Premiere? It’s a Beautiful Life (Oh Oh Oh Oh!) will air for 24 consecutive hours during a Christmas Day special hosted by a yet to be determined cast member from Chrisley Knows Best on Hallmark Channel Express.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Fake

Synopsis: “After 15 years, Pat moves from Hawaii with his two sons and through a series of coincidences, or Godwinks, ends up stuck in traffic next to his high school sweetheart, Margie, at Christmas.”

Starring: Brooke D’Orsay and Sam Page

When Does it Premiere? Sunday, November 22 at 10:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

Real or Fake? This is somehow, someway a real film that exists in our current universe.

Synopsis: Former 1600 Penn scene stealer and one time Royal Pains guest star Jenna Elfman is fed up with the holiday season. Living next to Santa’s West Coast distribution center has its ups (free cocoa, lots of extra Scotch Tape floating around) and downs (early morning singalongs, rogue reindeer routinely disrupting traffic), but her issues with Santa’s elves just reached their boiling point.

During her annual Edtv cast reunion picnic, Elfman and a gaggle of grumpy elves become embroiled in an argument over the use of a BBQ pit that snowballs into a legal dispute. If the elves lose, Santa’s West Coast operations will be forced to move to Silicon Valley! Yuck! Sparks fly when Jenna discovers that her lawyer, Ernest L. Fenton (October Road star Bryan Greenberg), used to be an elf. Can these two coexist without strangling one another… or perhaps falling in love?

Starring: Jenna Elfman, Bryan Greenberg, Casey Wilson, the other guy from ABC’s What About Brian? (not Brian, not Rick Gomez), Joe Pera, Mina Kimes, Wayne Brady, Lacey Chabert, and a special musical appearance by Boyz II Men

When Does it Premiere? Monday, November 16 at 7:35 a.m. ET on Hallmark MAX.

Jenna Elfman Meets a Gentle Elf, Man Fun Fact: This film marks Justin Guarini’s directorial debut.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake? Fake!

Synopsis: “As Christina prepares her restaurant for its busiest time of year, she gets back a DNA test revealing that she’s Jewish. The discovery leads her to a new family and an unlikely romance over eight nights.”

Starring: Mia Kirshner, Shawn Hunter’s best friend, and Marilu Henner

When Does it Premiere? Sunday, December 20 at 8:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Channel

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake? How, Is This Real, Life-ukkah?! It’s real. Of course it’s real. Why not? Go nuts, Hallmark.

Will I watch this movie? No. No, I will not. But I love that we live in a world where Mia Kirshner, Ben Savage, and Marilu Henner are starring in a film together. If you placed a million headshots on a giant dartboard, which is how I assume most Hallmark movies are cast, you couldn’t create a more random trio of actors. This film could just as easily star Gabrielle Carteris, Ecco the Dolphin, and Pat Sajak and I’d be like, “Sure! That tracks! Whatever you say, Hallmark!”

Synopsis: George Bailey Academy of Higher Learning is in desperate need of funding. If the theater program’s Christmas show — a modern retelling of the Seinfeld “Festivus” episode… but with jazz! — doesn’t win the lucrative “Deus Ex Machina Excellence in Middle School Theatrical Arts” scholarship, the beloved academy may be forced to shut its doors. And this time… for good.

The academy desperately needs a good review from notoriously selective NY Times middle school arts critic Candy Lane (Bethany Joy Lenz). When Candy begins a romance with recently divorced George Bailey Academy math teacher Anna Haas (Melissa Joan Hart), well, let’s just say the theater department isn’t the only place specializing in drama.

Starring: Bethany Joy Lenz, Dule Hill, Melissa Joan Hart, Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat, one of the kids from The Haunting of Bly Manor, the actress who played Brad on Hey Dude, Arrow star David Ramsey, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Lacey Chabert

Fun Fact: Sophia Bush was offered the role of Anna but turned it down because she “didn’t want to do it.”

When Does it Premiere? I Saw Mommy Kissing Anna Haas… My Math Teacher! eventually premieres on Hallmark Movies Later.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake? Fake!

Synopsis: I don’t know. Something, something, Christmas, probably? I’ll put the same amount of energy into typing out the synopsis as the production team did in choosing a title for this film, which, interestingly enough, is somehow a sequel?!

Starring: Lacey Chabert and Stephen Huszar

When Does it Premiere? Sunday, December 6 at 10:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

Why does the title of this movie sound like it was written by a robot pretending to be a human? I have no earthly idea.

Real or Fake? Real. This film, which includes emboldened text on the Hallmark website promoting that it’s executive produced by Blake Shelton, is a real movie written by, presumably, an actual, non-robotic human being.

Synopsis: Liz and Neil Cohen are known for throwing legendary parties. In 2018, they booked Edwin McCain to perform an a cappella version of “I’ll Be” at their daughter Alli’s “Second Marriage/First Love” wedding reception. Like we said, legendary. But their next event, the bris of their grandson Bradley, promises to take the cake. Brad’s bris is going to be the social event of the year. Seth Meyers is hosting, John Legend is performing, and Milo Ventimiglia is a firm maybe to make an appearance, which means it’s the perfect opportunity for the Holiday sisters, Summer and June Bug (Tia and Tamera Mowry), to finally find love.

Having both been fired from vague editorial jobs in New York City, Summer and June Bug have moved back to Waterfall Ridge in the hopes of falling in love… and because they have one month to find husbands in order to claim their late Uncle Cecil’s fortune. It’s a long story, don’t worry about it. Both Summer and June Bug independently decide to surprise one another with a date while also stumbling upon their own dates. It’s a classic two dates/one party scenario multiplied by two! Oh, Cupid. Why are your arrows so crooked?

Starring: Tia and Tamera Mowry, Chad Michael Murray, Mario Lopez, Scott Wolf, Donald Faison, the actress who played Alex Mack, poker person Phil Hellmuth, 7 Up’s Cool Spot, and Lacey Chabert

When Does it Premiere? Hallmark created a whole new channel for this one. ‘Twas The Night Before Brad’s Bris airs 24/7 on Hallmark’s recently launched ‘Twas The Night Before Brad’s Bris channel.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake? Fake!

Synopsis: “When Kayleigh, a romance writer, has her column canceled right before Christmas, she heads home to reconnect with her family. Kayleigh gets an unexpected visit from the man who canceled her column who fights not only to bring her back to the publisher but also for her heart.”

Starring: Danica McKellar and the guy from Hyperion Bay who isn’t Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Obligatory Pithy Comment: Watch it, I won’t!

When Does it Premiere? Sunday, December 6 at 8:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Channel

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Real!

Synopsis: Well, well, well. It looks like former Dead Man on Campus star Mark-Paul Gosselaar doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas this year. NOT ON RAD SANTA’S WATCH. Hallmark Channel’s highest-rated holiday movie (a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes!) is back, and this time it’s personal.

Mort Plum (Ziering) is on a roll. Not only has he won the right to have supervised visits with his children on the second Saturday of every month, but he also found love. With the myriad legal charges against him all but dropped, the raddest Santa in Winchester Grove wants to make this holiday season the best one yet… and it’s not optional. He sees you when you’re sleeping, and he doesn’t care if you starred in Saved by the Bell: The College Years. EVERYONE CELEBRATES CHRISTMAS. Even you, Mark-Paul Gosselaar. 2020 is going to be the best Christmas yet… or else.

Starring: All your favorites from Rad Santa are back: Ian Ziering, Gina Torres, Jamal Mashburn, and Lacey Chabert! Plus, introducing Mark-Paul Gosselaar as himself and either Rizzoli or Isles as Samantha, a sassy new friend of the female protagonist who works “in business” and excels at quippy comebacks (“Um, okay. Tell me how you really feel”) and organic exposition (“You mean George, George? Recently divorced ex-boyfriend you haven’t seen in ten years who’s back in town and working at your dad’s lumber yard George?!).

Also Starring: Ken Griffey Jr., Amber Ruffin, that online fitness instructor your one friend’s always talking about, and Gunther from Friends

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Fake!

Synopsis: “When Lila is hired by the Royal Family of Marcadia to repair a carousel, she must work with the Prince to complete it by Christmas.”

Wait… say that again: Sure. I get it. “When Lila is hired by the Royal Family of Marcadia to repair a carousel, she must work with the Prince to complete it by Christmas.”

Starring: Rachel Boston and Neal Bledsoe

Why Is This Happening To Us? No clue.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

When Does It Premiere? Saturday, December 19 at 8:00 p.m. ET on Hallmark Channel

Real or Fake? Real!

Synopsis: In a misguided effort to help fund his new podcast, “Stop, Collaborate, But Most Importantly… Listen,” Vanilla Ice hatches a daring plot to steal Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s luxurious Christmas tree. But if he’s going to return to a life of crime for one last score, he’s gonna need his old crew! It’s a heist, heist, baby.

Starring: Vanilla Ice, Trishelle Cannatella, Pacers guard Victor Oladipo, the main guy from Everwood (not the dad), Tony Reali, Alf, Lacey Chabert, Diana DeGarmo, and Bronson Pinchot in a career-defining performance as veteran safe cracker “Handsome” Eddie Canteen

When Does it Premiere? Vanilla Ice and the Christmas Tree Heist premieres Tuesday, December 8 at 12:45 p.m. ET on Hallmark’s new music app Hallmark JAMZ.

You’re really proud of the name “Handsome” Eddie Canteen, aren’t you? Absolutely.

Vanilla Ice and the Christmas Tree Heist Fun Fact: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were unable to appear in the film due to a scheduling conflict and extreme lack of interest.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Fake!

Synopsis: Franklin & Bash, an early 2010s TNT series that I’m 90% sure was about Breckin Meyer and Mark-Paul Gosselaar playing fun lawyers, is back! And guess what, Bashheads, these two unconventional lawyers (probably) are about to meet their most outrageous client yet: Santa!

Starring: Franklin, Bash, Santa Claus, Lacey Chabert

Really? Another Mark-Paul Gosselaar One? Yes! The man was/is Zack freaking Morris.

Off The Record, Here’s What Happened: On October 27, a Hallmark Channel production assistant noticed there were only 349 holiday films slated to premiere in 2020 instead of the promised 350. Having won the rights to Franklin & Bash in one of those high-profile Hollywood backgammon games you’re always reading about, Hallmark Channel CEO Wonya Lucas decided to seamlessly insert Santa into an old Christmas episode of the series USA Today once called “the kind of original programming that makes you reconsider your antipathy toward reruns.”

When Does it Premiere? Monday, November 30 during halftime of the Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and Philadelphia Eagles on the newly-launched Hallmark Bro app.

Is Candace Cameron Bure in This Movie? Nope!

Real or Fake: Fake!

Merry Christmas to all (even though it’s early November) and to all a good night!