Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Fatman’ on VOD, in Which Mel Gibson Plays a Weary and Gritty Santa Claus

This week’s yeah-sure-why-not option is VOD movie Fatman, which casts Mel Gibson as a grizzled, lunchpail Santa Claus who packs a pistol and a flask on his hip every Christmas Eve. Sounds about right — or sounds about very, very wrong? Hard to tell, so I fired up this crazyass thing to see if it’s a Noel or a hell-no.

FATMAN: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Little Billy (Chance Hurstfield) is the biggest little shit you ever did smell. A spoiled rich kid with an absentee father and housekeepers at his beck and call, he smirks as he forges his grandma’s signature on a check he writes to hire an assassin to threaten a little girl who beat him at the science fair. In fact, the assassin, a chilly screwball known only as the Skinny Man (Walton Goggins), seems to be the kid’s regular associate, like, maybe they text memes to each other or something. Fittingly, when Xmas morning rolls around and Billy cracks open his gift, he finds a lump of coal — and now, Santa must die. Coincidentally, the Skinny Man also carries an old grudge against the Jolly Old Elf, manifest in his collection of Santa’s Workshop original toys, all acquired via harsh bartering and kept under glass. One assumes he got coal, too, long ago. He accepts his new contract from Billy all too happily.

And then there’s Chris Cringle (Gibson) himself. He’s crusty as a pizza that’s all crust and no cheese, no sauce, no pepperoni. He drives his perclunkity red pickup into North Peak, Alaska to check the mail and hit the bar; he drops an Alka Seltzer tablet in his shot of whiskey and cockblocks the bartender, because the guy hitting on her has a wife and kid. Santa knows this. He knows when you’ve been sleeping, etc., remember. When the big night comes, Chris deep-sighs and suits up for the sleigh ride. He comes home with a bullet wound — coupla kids with a deer rifle, he grumbles. His wife, Ruth (Marianne Jean-Baptiste), calms him, talks sense to him, bakes him cookies, and that’s all that’s keeping him from the downward toilet spiral, it seems. Business is shit. The U.S. government subsidy supporting his toy-delivery operation is half what it used to be. HALF. There are too many bad children and not enough good children these days. I bet it’s a Trump thing.

The feds pitch Chris a contract to turn the elfworks into a temporary manufacturing facility for military hardware. He grumbles and simmers. He has no choice. Ruth supports the idea. Meanwhile, the Skinny Man makes his way north with a trunkful of guns and explosives; finding the legendary Pelznickel requires him to threaten and intimidate postal workers, which feels like a metaphor if you’ve been warped by current events. It’s shit like this that’s gonna bring this situation to a head, man.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Fatman exists somewhere between the ribald pleasures of Bad Santa and the innocent comedy of Elf.

Performance Worth Watching: I’m frankly surprised by the performances in this gritty B-movie dark-comedy take on the Santa Claus legend. It’s right in Gibson’s wheelhouse (assuming you can work your way past the problematic-creep factor) and Goggins is the ideal choice to play an amoral killer. But it’s Jean-Baptiste who’s strongest here, the calm, reasonable source in a movie that has every reason to fly off the rails, but doesn’t (for better or worse, perhaps).

Memorable Dialogue: “The Fatman’s got his eye on you, kid.” — Chris Cringle

Sex and Skin: None, but some may be disturbed to see Santa proposition Mrs. Claus a few times (and engage in a little postcoital snuggling).

Our Take: The world has gone to hell and Santa has followed suit, it seems. So I guess that means we need a new variation on the old saving-Christmas routine? There’s something about watching Santa work the heavy bag out in the barn that’s kind of funny, the old fella blowing off some steam and putting in a heavy workout, getting a testosterone rush then going inside to Mrs. Claus and raising an eyebrow like, hey, who wants a spoonful of this bowl full of jelly? He’s not just Santa anymore — 2020 needs the Fatman, a tough-as-tundra sonofabitch who can shrug off a bullet and make sure all the good and bad little kids get what they f—ing deserve. “You think you’re the first?” he snipes at the Skinny Man when he arrives with a sniper rifle, the implication being, others have tried to take Santa out of this mortal coil, an increasingly weary mortal coil that needs him and his brand of steel-wool diehard hope, now more than ever.

That said, Fatman’s reach exceeds its grasp. It’s funny only in fits and starts, steals a couple jokes outright from Elf and never quite comes together conceptually. Sibling writer-directors Eshom and Ian Nelms nurture an amusing conceit in which Chris Cringle clomps across his battered floorboards in heavy boots, subsisting heavily on frosted gingerbread and showing fatigue in the implied never-ending battle against cynicism and indifference; it’s his grit that keeps his bells jingling and jangling. The idea of Santa being a component of the military-industrial complex is a juicy idea but ultimately an underripe tomato, sliced green and tough atop the narrative salad. And considering how much time we spend with the Skinny Man, the film overestimates our interest in an underdeveloped character that doesn’t come close to matching Goggins’ charismatic aptitude. The movie isn’t destined to be a perennial holiday classic, but it’s still worth at least a curiosity watch, though.

Our Call: STREAM IT. Fatman is outrageous on paper but surprisingly level-headed in execution. It needs to be a little looser and crazier to attain cult status, but as it stands, it works more often than it doesn’t, and boasts enough ho-ho-hos to warrant a watch.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Where to stream Fatman