Stream It Or Skip It: ‘The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee’ on VOD, Paul Hogan’s Meta-Commentary on Has-Been Fame and Other Random Crap

Now available on demand, The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee prompts one to ponder if any franchise will go unexhumed. But this isn’t the third sequel to the 1986 smash Crocodile Dundee — no no, it’s far worse than that, a meta-comedy in which Paul Hogan plays Paul Hogan, and cheeky ’80s references abound. I jotted down the words “Bio-Dome extended universe” only moments before the movie made a Son-in-Law reference, so it beat me to the hacky Pauly Shore joke. Frustrating. But that’s not frustration — THIS is frustration, the “Paul Hogan” persona in this movie insists, because he’s an old man caught in a new day ruled by that old bugaboo, political correctness. I think I can hear your teeth clenching from here.

THE VERY EXCELLENT MR. DUNDEE: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: “That’s just a character I played in a movie,” Paul Hogan (Paul Hogan) insists. See, he’s standing in front of a crowd of grade-schoolers who expect him to wrangle a large, terrifying snake, which is played by stock footage. His game attempt ends up making shameful slow-news-day Entertainment Tonight headlines, since Paul ends up accidentally throwing the snake in a poor schoolteacher’s face. Did it bite her? Was she poisoned? Rushed to the hospital? Did she lose a limb or die? We never find out, because this movie is about how Paul Hogan is sad.

Anyway, Paul Hogan goes home to his mansion to kick off a running joke about how his adult son is really talented, although clueless moronic dumbass smoothie-sucking movie producers keep pitching a Son of Crocodile Dundee where his son is played by Will Smith — and when he points out that a Black man playing a white man’s son isn’t believable, he’s labeled racist. THOSE LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD ELITES JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND REALITY AMIRITE. Paul Hogan’s manager is on his case to work more, but he just wants to watch Ellen, take naps and chat with his adorable granddaughter, who lives back in Australia. He’s about to be knighted for being a comedy legend, and he tries to ho-hum his way out of it.

For no discernible reason other than to fruitlessly generate comedy, Paul Hogan hangs out with some of his ’80s contemporaries. Olivia Newton-John (Olivia Newton-John) wants him for a fundraiser. He hops in an Uber, and his driver is John Cleese (John Cleese). He hangs with Reginald VelJohnson (Reginal- you get it by now). Wayne Knight moves into his house and drives him crazy with his singing and tap dancing. He has lunch with Chevy Chase, and everyone in the scene says what a nice guy Chevy is, toying with his reputation for being a notorious a-hole. Meanwhile, Paul Hogan keeps experiencing accidental mishaps that sully his own rep — almost killing a nun, getting in a car chase with cops, etc. The tabloids are eating him alive and his knighthood is in jeopardy, but Paul Hogan remains unflappable.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: I was going to say Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, except the movie already beat me to that joke too, when someone confuses Paul Hogan with late Aussie animal-botherer Steve Irwin.

Performance Worth Watching: I’m frankly shocked that Chevy Chase emerged from hiding to do this.

Memorable Dialogue: “HE’S KILLED A NUN!” shouts a bystander after Paul Hogan appears to have accidentally killed a nun

Sex and Skin: Nun. Er, none.

Our Take: What a mess. The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee (nonsense title, by the way) is an 88-minute antidote to comedy full of dimwitted inside-Hollywood-baseball jokes and People Falling into Swimming Pools. It takes a comedy-ain’t-no-fun-anymore anti-P.C. tack for a minute, but doesn’t even have the cojones to follow through with it. It doesn’t follow through with anything, to be honest — Paul Hogan’s inner life, his outer life, his family life, his professional life. The film stages a violent encounter with a Crocodile Dundee impersonator, indulges a random “that’s not a knife” musical number and puts Paul Hogan on stage singing Grease showtunes to a horrified audience, and the laughter, it does not come.

“Paul Hogan” is blase about all the newfound attention, and Paul Hogan looks bored, obligated, detached. The whole endeavor is hacked up for barbecue — the writing, the editing, the intent, the characters. The film’s meta-whatever and curdled satire mingles with slapstick and a big toxic slab of microwaved Velveeta in the third act. None of it works. The Crocodile Dundee character was beloved for his big fish-outta-water personality and the type of comedy that would be deemed insensitive today (grabbing a trans man’s crotch, etc.), and maybe his bland persona in The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee is reactionary commentary on his inability to do that in the 21st century? I grasp at straws. The movie does too.

Our Call: SKIP IT. The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee couldn’t make us laugh even if it was holding us at knifepoint.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Where to stream The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee