Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Greenland’ on HBO Max, in Which Even Gerard Butler Can’t Save Us from the Apocalypse

Hot on the heels of Werner Herzog’s penetrating hooray-for-meteors documentary Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds — in which the enigmatic filmmaker calls a scene of CGI cataclysm from Deep Impact “beautifully done” — comes Greenland, a movie in which Gerard Butler dodges apocalyptic space rocks as they pepper the earth. The disaster movie was punted down the theatrical release schedule several times thanks to COVID, before STX threw in the towel and dropped it on VOD in late 2020; the movie is now playing on HBO and HBO Max. But as it turns out, this disaster flick might make fit the home-viewing experience nicely.

GREENLAND: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: John Garrity’s (Butler) finger hovers over the doorbell. He used to live in this McMansion, but now he doesn’t, and he’s not sure if he should just use the key and let himself in or what. He ends up using the key. He and Allison (Morena Baccarin) have been separated for a bit, but he’s moving back in now, I think, which livens up their seven-year-old son Nathan (Roger Dale Floyd), who’s diabetic, a plot point that will come into play once a massive interstellar comet dubbed Clarke, which appeared almost out of nowhere from another solar system, begins raining hell and fire upon Earth. And lo, I worried that this would be the type of movie where Clarke would be the most interesting character.

But I’m getting ahead of things. Chunks of Clarke are scheduled to break up harmlessly over the planet the next day, during John and Allison and Nathan’s barbecue party. John and Nathan are at the grocery store putting some specific name-brand potato chips, label side toward the camera, in a cart, and then picking up some specific name-brand light beer, identified in the dialogue, when John’s phone blows up. It’s one of those national-emergency alerts. Then he gets a phone call from the Dept. of Homeland Security, delivering an automated message saying he and his family have been chosen for shelter, and they have to show up at an airbase the next day. He looks around the store, and nobody else is getting this call. They’re just going about their day, buying specific name-brand grocery products.

As it turns out, Everyone Was Wrong. Clarke is not harmless at all. He’s actually probably jealous of the space rock that murdered every dinosaur, and he’s going to do something about it. A massive chunk of the comet slams into Florida, turning Tampa to burnt toast. The shockwave shakes the Gerrity house, all the way in Atlanta. And there’s more space debris to come, including a PLANET KILLER meteor, which is totally gonna kill the planet in less than two days. And TV news continues, steadfast and true, aiming for those post-apocalypse sweeps-week ratings, keeping people watching this movie informed of the state of the plot. So John tosses the fam into the SUV and tears ass to the airbase, which is a scene of pandemonium, and he gets separated from Allison and Nathan, because the kid left his insulin in the car, and all sorts of mayhem occurs as civil society goes to pot and the kid still needs insulin and the Gerrity family seems destined to never be reunited or make it to [TITLE OF MOVIE] in time to jump into a bunker and survive the end of the world.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Greenland exists in a slightly uneasy space among Emmerichian dreck 2012, Bayish dreck Armageddon, halfway-decent dreck Deep Impact, artsy dreck Melancholia and, somewhat possibly interestingly, Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, but, somewhat possibly disappointingly, minus the aliens.

Performance Worth Watching: What can I say, Clarke makes a hell of an entrance, and has tangible screen presence even though we never get to see him up close.

Memorable Dialogue: When Gerard Butler says, “I SWEAR I’M GONNA GET MY FAMILY INTO THAT BUNKER,” we pretty much believe him.

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: Well, this ain’t Geostorm, and I might be a little bit upset about that. Truth is, Greenland works surprisingly well as a smallish-scale thriller, the story of a family making an arduous journey through dread catastrophe, clinging to a tiny shred of hope for survival. Director Ric Roman Waugh (Angel Has Fallen) mostly sticks with the Gerritys’ point-of-view from the ground — we get no extravagant CGI shots of tidal waves, no indulgent destruction porn, no zillion-mile-an-hour cometcams, etc. Sure, the plot is full of contrivances to amplify the tension, but the film’s emphasis on earthbound drama is a modest boon for the disaster-flick genre.

Granted, these are very much generic movie characters, half-developed and reduced to the barest-bone characteristics: Protective mother, very protective father, vulnerable child. No time for even the slightest eccentricity when you’re dodging fireballs or fighting off desperate, and possibly evil, fellow citizens who don’t have the congrats-you’ve-been-chosen wristbands, and can very much see those congrats-you’ve-been-chosen wristbands on your wrist. But Greenland, unlike many films of this type, frequently pauses for earnest and effective moments of humanity. Take the scene in which Allison and Nathan are informed that they shouldn’t have been selected for sheltering because of his medical condition. She pleads with a woman soldier to reconsider, to sneak them on the plane anyway. Think of her own family, Allison asks her. “My family wasn’t chosen,” she says. “I’m just doing my job.”

There are a few such instances balancing out action and intensity, rendering the story just credible enough to be involving. Waugh nurtures a few eerie-still moments, tosses in a heartfelt scene with Allison’s father, and generally asserts that death in this narrative pretty much has meaning. I wasn’t exactly moved to tears, but that I gave two or three rips about what happens to these people speaks volumes for the film.

Our Call: STREAM IT. Greenland isn’t going to change anybody’s life, but it elevates disaster-movie tropes just enough to make it worth a watch. Now fingers crossed for GEOSTORM II: GRAUPEL’S REVENGE.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Watch Greenland on HBO Max

Watch Greenland on HBO