Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Wonder Woman 1984’ on HBO Max, a Superhero Sequel That Might Be Too Ludicrous for This World

Warner Bros. punted Wonder Woman 1984 down the theatrical release schedule at least a half-dozen times before they said OK fine, it’ll be a Christmas 2020 present for HBO Max subscribers. After its initial 30 day window on the service expired in January 2021, the film retreated to premium VOD, but now it’s back on the Max for any and all to watch (again?). Anyhow, the film reunites the principals from 2017’s Wonder Woman, stars Gal Gadot and Chris Pine, with director Patty Jenkins, a winning combination that ratchets up anticipation for the overdue sequel. Kristen Wiig and Pedro “Mando” Pascal hop aboard this wing-ed horse of a franchise, and the result is… something else. That’s probably the best way to describe it.

WONDER WOMAN 1984: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Once upon a time before the nineteen-teens when Wonder Woman took place, and therefore before Wonder Woman 1984 takes place, as this isn’t a warped-reality movie, at least not yet, because it kind of becomes one, Wonder Woman, who’s not really ever referred to as Wonder Woman, was a child, Diana Prince (Lilly Aspell), on the lost, unpronouncable island of Themyscira. Even though she’s small, she competes against adult women in the Amazon version of the Olympics. The main event starts at a big ceremonial Quidditchy set-up, then becomes a multi-tiered race involving horses, archery, a cross-country trek, swimming, jumping and other assorted feats of agility and strength. She wins, but she fudged it a little, so she actually lost, and gets a lecture about the importance of truth — important, because as an adult, she’ll be wielding the Lasso of Truth, which knows the truth and makes whoever’s touching it tell the truth, and yet it has not changed the entire fabric of the world. Curious.

Now it’s 1984: Diana (Gadot) lives in a world of LEG WARMERS, CAMAROS, AEROBICS, MALLS, VIDEO ARCADES, NEON and SHOULDER PADS! Some creeps try to knock over a jewelry store in the tri-level shopatorium because the back room is a storehouse for crazy ancient artifacts, but they’re thwarted by You Know Who with some hot and crazy lasso action. Despite the occasional superheroing, not much seems to have happened for Diana in the last six-plus decades. She pines for the character played by Chris Pine, dashing pilot Steve Trevor, who, you’ll recall from the last movie, was her BF, and sacrificed himself for the good of Everything. Nobody in the 1984 now knows she’s WW. She works at the Smithsonian and has not succumbed to the permed-hair craze. She goes out to dinner by herself. She’s lonely. I want to be her friend. You want to be her friend. WE ALL WANT TO BE WONDER WOMAN’S FRIEND.

One day at the museum, she meets dorkus malorkus Barbara Minerva (Wiig), the new hire tasked with ID’ing an ancient stone, coincidentally the same whatchajiggit the aforementioned creeps tried to snatch. Both gals need a pal, so they pal up. They think the stone is junk, but it actually grants wishes, for moronic, dissatisfying reasons revealed later in the movie. They don’t figure this out until after they’ve seen the wishes they silently wished come true: Steve returns to this mortal plane in another man’s body, except he looks like Steve to Diana. And klutzoid Barbara wishes she was like Diana, cool and collected and gorgeous, but she doesn’t know Diana is actually bummed out and strong as shit. That guy who tried to assault Barbara on the street earlier? Well, she can dropkick him down the block now.

Then there’s this greedy guy, Maxwell Lord (Pascal), whose name suggests a certain inevitable destiny. He’s a junk-TV personality who owns a failing oil company. His desperation led him to hire the creeps to steal the stone, because he knows it’ll grant him wishes. He does a thing and another thing and ends up with the thingy and becomes a supervillain who will own the world as he laughs maniacally. He’s like Jordan Belfort on ALL the cocaine. Meanwhile, Diana helps Steve accustom himself to a world full of PARACHUTE PANTS, FANNY PACKS and FUTONS! And Barbara comes to grips with her newfound confidence but maybe not its corrupting influence. Has an hour gone by without even seeing Wonder Woman in costume and action? Yes! Well, that’s about to end. And will her invisible jet be worked in here somehow? Jesus H. man, no spoilers!

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: WW84 takes the sheer ludicrousness of Aquaman and crosses it with the least-bad Fantastic Four movie and the crazy gems of Uncut Gems. (If only Howard Ratner had a stone that granted him a wish!)

Performance Worth Watching: Gadot’s sober, confident screen presence acquits her from some of this stoopid dialogue, but the film’s overwhelming ridiculousness frequently makes her look silly.

Memorable Dialogue: “Wanna see my futon?” — Steve. Steve Steve Steve. Steve. Your girlfriend is Wonder Woman. Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeve.

Sex and Skin: Whaddaya think this is, fan fiction? Just some postcoital morning snuggles here. On the futon, of course.

Our Take: A magic stone that grants wishes? OK, sure, and it has potential, especially as Max Lord uses the hell out of it, with grave consequences; I’ll say no more and let the movie’s pervasively dumb execution of the concept surprise you. Jenkins takes a major gamble on a daffy-ass concept and a jovial tone that’s all frivolity boosted by blasts of color. It’s so wild, it just might work — but it never really does, as the plot quickly hits ludicrous speed and routinely fails to make a half a lick of sense. Meanwhile, Diana’s emotional arc never gets a foothold; our earnest protagonist’s earnest earnestness is but a brittle leaf in WW84’s zany gale.

Did I mention that this thing is 2.5 hours long? And that the entirety of an hour goes by without seeing the lasso or the headband or the wristbands deflecting the bullets pang pang ping? Yes, I did. You wouldn’t feel the movie’s bloat so much if the comedy wasn’t so obvious, all the usual ’80s references so wearying and the villains didn’t make Villain Speeches and then leave the scene through a plot hole. Decent ideas are strewn about: The overall careful-what-you-wish-for theme carries some heft when the state of the world devolves into extreme unrest, here resolved when a lot of hysterical noise just drops out so Wonder Woman can whisper something quasi-profound. The bittersweetness of Steve’s otherworldly return might prompt an ethical crisis in a better screenplay, but instead clashes mightily with the general Not Rightness of him roosting in another man’s vessel and testing the structural verisimilitude of the futon with the big dubya-dubya.

But the big “but” here is, I rip apart WW84 almost affectionately. It’s hard to resist a tidal wave of upbeatedness, especially compared to Batman and Superman’s past DC beatdowns, especially in a state of the world that pushed this decidedly big-screen extravaganza to our TVs. The action is Just Fine, I Guess; the tease of WW’s gold-winged new costume earns an adequately zippy reveal; its sturdy eff-the-boys-club feminist assertions are necessary. Yet I assert that we should hold our superhero movies up to high standards, and the cringe factor is far too high for even a steadfast and righteous character like Gadot’s Wonder Woman to survive. The first Wonder Woman was a joy despite its flaws. WW84 is often too flawed to enjoy.

Our Call: I’ll skip a second viewing, thank you, but recommend you STREAM IT, because the will of the pop-cinephile’s superhero movie obligation is too strong, and you’re gonna watch it regardless of what anyone says. If you’re disappointed, well, don’t forget you read it right here.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Stream Wonder Woman 1984 on HBO Max