Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Pinocchio’ on Amazon Prime, a Version of the Classic Story That’s So Visually Bizarre, It Might Put You Off Your Popcorn

This week in Adventures in the Public Domain (Non-Disney Chapter) is director Matteo Garrone’s Pinocchio, now on Amazon after debuting recently in theaters and on demand. It’s the umpteenth iteration of the classic Italian fairy tale about the magical wooden puppet who comes to life and wishes he were a real boy, and the second to star Robert Benigni. The Oscar-winning director and actor of Life is Beautiful fame played kiddie dress-up for 2002’s Pinocchio, but this time, he’s more palatable as Pinocchio’s father-creator Geppetto. Every version of this well-worn story faces an uphill climb in justifying its existence — even the next one, directed by Robert Zemeckis and starring Tom Hanks for Disney+ — but Garrone’s take might make a case for itself just because it’s so unapologetically weird.

PINOCCHIO (2020): STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Geppetto (the Beneenz!) is living the freelance woodcarver’s lament in late 19th-century Italy. His extreme poverty prompts him to visit the local inn, trying to fix things that don’t need fixing; out of pity or irritation or both, the innkeeper gives the lonely, annoying old man something to eat. In a neighboring hovel, Mastro Ciliegia (Paolo Graziosi) props up a log to carve, and it moves on its own. Curious, because logs don’t usually move by themselves, and also, what is this, the woodcarving district? Frightened, and possibly also drunk off his ass, he gives it to Geppetto, who’s inspired by a traveling puppet show to carve his own marionette. His plan is to join the tour and maybe make enough money that he won’t have to continue wearing his grandfather’s pants, which is a fact of the movie that I report, not a joke. Times are hard.

Geppetto chips away at the enchanted log and hears a creaky heartbeat beneath the surface. He isn’t even creeped out by it. He chisels and carves and, soon enough, there in front of him is the uncanny valley. It’s alive! Aliiiiiiiiive! Sort of! He names it Pinocchio, and is proud to bursting that this, the most disturbing-looking puppet this side of a Tool music video, is his son. (Perhaps he should visit the psychoanalysis district?) Geppetto insists Pinocchio should attend school, where nobody will bat an eye at a wooden boy who moves and speaks and maybe has an emotional life, but can’t feel pain, although it’s becoming prevalent that they might not care too much, because the magical qualities of this reality are met with many a blasé attitude. Did I mention a freaky-looking humanoid cricket-being (Davide Marotta) lives in Geppetto’s ceiling, and occasionally pops his head out to give Pinocchio some advice? Just another day ’round here, I guess.

Pinocchio’s instinct is to cut school on the first day and check out the puppet show. He’s wowed, then invited to join his fellow puppets, who, unlike him, have strings, although who’s operating them, and how, is anybody’s guess, because they live even when the puppetmaster (Gigi Proietti) isn’t hovering above them. Pinocchio rides off with them, leaving poor Geppetto lonely again; inspired to embark on a journey to find the kid, Geppetto heads out, and we don’t see him for an hour. We stick with Pinocchio, who’s more interesting anyway because of his queasy quasi-humannness. He begins a series of misadventures in which he meets an array of bizarre characters: The sneaky and manipulative Cat (Rocco Papaleo) and Fox (Massimo Ceccherini), a giant snail-woman (Maria Pia Timo), a tuna with a man’s face, a gorilla who’s also a judge, some circus performers, misc. bird-men and, most importantly, a fairy with blue hair (Marine Vacth) who gives him opportunities to fulfill his wish of becoming a real boy, but, in his youthful folly, he keeps blowing it. I think you know how the rest of this goes.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: The VFX here err on the artsy side of the monstrosity that is Tom Hooper’s Cats (all together now: RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT!), which I know isn’t flattering, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles, I’m afraid.

Performance Worth Watching: Oh, that wild and crazy Beneenz — who’s always so wild and crazy! — is actually very good as Geppetto, using a tamed version of his loosey-goosey, flailing style to give the character a deep, desperate sense of loneliness and yearning.

Memorable Dialogue: “I’ve become a father!” Geppetto bellows, and the other townsfolk are so blandly accepting of his siring a wooden puppet, it makes one wonder if human reproduction in this reality is a far more alien procedure than ours.

Sex and Skin: None, thank god.

Our Take: Carlo Collodi’s 1883 story includes a scene in which Cat and Fox noose up Pinocchio and hang him from a tree and wait for him to die. He doesn’t, of course, because he’s made of wood, but that only makes it an iota or two less disturbing. This scene isn’t in the squeaky-clean Disney version, but it’s definitely in Garrone’s film, which illustrates his desire not to pander to younger audiences. For better or for worse, I might add. Garrone’s visual aesthetic is distinct and very much a consistent artistic vision, albeit one that’s easier to admire for its technical mastery and imagination than to actually, you know, like. It seems inspired by illustrations from pre-20th-century books that look grotesque to the modern eye. It’s as if Tim Burton pounded his aesthetic with a shillelagh and ran it through a filter that’s decidedly more… European.

“Matteo Garrone’s Pinocchio seems inspired by illustrations from pre-20th-century books that look grotesque to the modern eye. It’s as if Tim Burton pounded his aesthetic with a shillelagh and ran it through a filter that’s decidedly more… European.”

Garrone manages to effectively tap an emotional vein, but we’re often too distracted by the slippery mucus oozed by a gigantic snail, the cricket’s grody alien face or the horrific tuna that makes a blobfish look like Flounder from The Little Mermaid. The filmmaker frequently forgoes CGI for prosthetics and makeup, and the Film Critic’s Little Handbook dictates that all practical effects must be praised, but in this case, I beg for an exception. It’s about 30 percent more off-putting than it needs to be. It sort of works better for Pinocchio himself, who’s realized as such an eerie, magical-realist sight that his desire to become a real boy instead of Whatever The F— This Is becomes all the more credible. I’d wager that some images exist merely to terrify us, and they often feel like transparent provocation — you know, look ma, I made some ugly stuff that doesn’t look like anybody else’s stuff. In this case, the art’s an imposition on our hearts.

Our Call: SKIP IT. This Pinocchio looks like no other Pinocchio, that’s for sure, but it’s appeal is limited. As far as family movie night goes, well, keep in mind it’s closer to Antichrist than Disney cartoons on the overall creepout spectrum.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba.

Where to stream Pinocchio (2020)