Stream It or Skip It: ‘The Bitch Who Stole Christmas’ on VH1, ‘Drag Race’s’ Campy Sendup of Hallmark Movies

Drag’s pop culture reign continues with VH1’s The Bitch Who Stole Christmas, a TV movie that riffs on Hallmark’s holiday romcom format and amps up the camp. A who’s who of Drag Race alumni appear in the film, but is The Bitch Who Stole Christmas just one long acting challenge or is it the holiday moment? 

THE BITCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Krysta Rodriguez (Halston, Smash) stars as Olivia St. Lapel, a put upon reporter at the fashion magazine Gorge. To snag the big promotion of her dreams, HBIC Hannah Contour (RuPaul) sends Olivia on a mission to the tiny Christmas town of Tuckahoe in order to dig up dirt, smear the town’s merry reputation, and get her hands on Tuckahoe’s crown jewels.

Olivia goes undercover as Maggie Zine and, once in Tuckahoe, aligns herself with the broads from the wrong side of the tracks. If she can make these hot messes (played by Drag Race stars Ginger Minj, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Peppermint, and Jan) into superstars, they’ll be able to win the annual Winter Ball contest. Then the crown—and that promotion—will be within reach.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: The production style, with all of Tuckahoe’s cast singin’ and dancin’ on an otherwise empty Main Street U.S.A. set feels reminiscent of Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square. The overall tone is like an R-rated cut of the iconic holiday film The Mistle-Tones and the rapid fire lunacy and irreverent gags really reminded me of A Very Brady Sequel.

Performance Worth Watching: I gotta give it up to Jaymes Mansfield, the queen who went home first on RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9. Jaymes is essentially the villain of the film, and this role finally gives viewers the chance to see the kinda campy, vampy comedy queen she really is! Who needs All Stars when you can play the bitchiest, perkiest housewife in Tuckahoe in a Christmas movie that can be rewatched year after year?

Memorable Dialogue: After hearing what her boss wants, Olivia replies, “So you want me to write an expose on a Christmas town?” It’s just so deliciously, knowingly Hallmark—and that’s just the tip of the parody iceberg.

A Holiday Tradition: Uh, only the annual Winter Ball where all the ladies of each street in Tuckahoe compete to see who has the most Christmas spirit! Get into it!

Does the Title Make Any Sense?: Not at all. The title works as a satirical gag and it’s the kind of brash humor Drag Race excels at—but no one actually steals Christmas in this particular picture!

Our Take: Drag Race and the holidays are a dubious pairing after 2018’s unjustly maligned Holi-Slay Spectacular. Fans tuned into that expecting an actual, legit competition episode and instead got an old school variety show wrapped up in format of a Drag Race episode. So the success of The Bitch Who Stole Christmas with the at times persnickety Drag Race audience depends on what they expect to see when they tune in.

Fortunately for the franchise’s first foray into the holiday TV movie genre, The Bitch Who Stole Christmas gives you exactly what you want when you think of when you hear “Drag Race holiday movie.” The plot is a preposterous sendup of Hallmark tropes—like friendships between townies and a newcomer that are built on lies, an eviction that will be staved off if our heroes win the Winter Ball, a makeover montage, and a whirlwind romance between Olivia/Maggie and a perpetually shirtless hunk.

The movie has slightly more coherence than a Drag Race acting challenge and about as many Drag Race Easter eggs. There are close to two dozen appearances from Drag Race alums, and catching them all would make for a fine drinking game with all of your vaxxed and boosted buds.

If you’re worried that all the Ru girls will just appear in cameo roles, there’s good news! A lot of the queens actually get a lot to do in this film. In fact, there are very few speaking roles in this movie that aren’t played by a queen. There is so much fun to be had watching our faves—like Peppermint, Brooke Lynn Hytes, Ginger Minj, and Jan—disappear into new roles!

The movie doesn’t, however, have Hallmark’s budget—okay, it doesn’t have the budget of a top-tier Hallmark movie, the ones headlined by ’90s-child-stars-turned-mommy-influencers. It’s kind of a hodgepodge affair, with some green screen backgrounds and a handful of sets—but, like, isn’t that the whole vibe? Isn’t that the point? The queens know how to make anything work, and the script is filled with so many one-liners, puns, non sequiturs, and razor-sharp moments of parody that any of the film’s stylistic shortcomings end up not mattering. The Bitch Who Stole Christmas defies that old saying by being fast, cheap, and good.

Our Call: STREAM IT. The Bitch Who Stole Christmas might be a tough sell to those who don’t speak Drag Race, but it’s a gorge gift for those of us who do.

 

Where to watch The Bitch Who Stole Christmas