What It’s Really Like Writing About Reality TV

“That’s so fun, you get to watch Bravo for your job?” is a question I’ve been asked once or twice before. And as I reflect on my time here at Decider as it is coming to a close, I wanted to emphasize a few things about writing about reality TV. (And, also, to have a link to send people when they undoubtedly ask me this question again in the future.)

While “Bravo” is a keyword here, so is “job”. Were we, as human beings, meant to write about reality TV? And as a job? What happens when what was once considered a guilty pleasure becomes your livelihood? I’ve done it for the better part of a decade now, and for nearly six years at Decider. It’s a role I feel privileged and lucky that I got to do. And this is what it was really like.

The main thing you need to know is that the way most reality stars are portrayed on TV is very, very close to what they are like in real life. “Is so-and-so nice?” is a question I’ve gotten a lot. I’ve done my best to scan the faces of those who have asked me this, and figure out if they really, truly want the answer to that question or if I should let them continue to enjoy their Bravo shows in peace. In all honestly, the answer is usually yes. I’ve dipped into the Bachelor universe, done art projects with the cast of Jersey Shore, and spent literally days (dear god, does it add up to weeks?) watching British shows such as Love Island and Celebs Go Dating. But I’ve been embedded in the World of Bravo and can say there is truly no place like it. 2019’s BravoCon will remain a special memory for all who were there, as the fan event will only get bigger in the years to come.

If anything, I’ve only gained more respect for the people that sign up to put their lives, and the spectrum of intimate moments that can include, on television for the world to see. I don’t like when people comment on what I order at a restaurant or watch me as I apply my makeup, yet I’ve been transfixed by others that do this with a camera (or three) in their face and can only applaud their willingness to put it all out there — and yes, in some cases, mention it all. Sure, it also takes a specific kind of person to open up their whole lives to the world, for scrutiny and for followers, and to actually believe they are interesting enough for people to watch on a weekly basis. But often? They’re right.

Throughout recaps, interviews, and their social media interactions, I have gained respect for so many people as both entertainers and in some cases even as friends. I’ve seen some really grow up: they’ve learned from mistakes, they’ve become parents, they’ve eaten an entire bakery’s worth of humble pies and digested it all. And I’ve also seen some who are otherworldly levels of self-centered or truly only think with their dicks, with no signs of changing, but many signs of ensuring they stay on TV for a long, long time.

I’ve heard entirely unpublishable off-the-record stories that will simultaneously make your jaw drop and have you thinking… yeah, that’s about right. Some have mistaken me as a cast member on their show, welcoming me one minute and then offering only icy, one-word answers to my questions the next because they didn’t like something I wrote about them (which was true, fair, and not even that scandalous). In new levels of petty, one person made snippy comments about me behind my back, and honestly, I’m honored.

Yes, reality TV does include people with just the right cocktail of egotistical, delusional, and thirsty as hell qualities, but not to burst any bubbles: most people are really nice. They aren’t dramatic weirdos. They feel like people you would be or want to be friends with — that’s why we keep watching! They like to have a good time (which includes smooches and drinks alike), they care about justice (both in their friend groups and the world at large), and ultimately, they have conviction and believe in their truths. It’s why we’re fascinated by them. It’s a confidence not all of us possess.

Some reality TV stars are total pros: they understand the press side of their job and they tolerate it well. A lot also bask in it and love the continued attention and admiration, and I don’t blame them. Some are so savvy about stirring the pot it’s been hard to even grasp it as a civilian. Some have become my friends, some have slid into my DMs with gripes, and some have teared up over the things I’ve written. I won’t lie, I also love that attention and admiration. It makes me feel nice when anyone reads what I write, and throughout my time in this job, I have done my best to write things that I would have no problem saying to anyone’s face. Because if there are any lessons to be learned from reality TV it’s that whether it’s the reunion or sooner, you will have to have a confrontation.

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Visiting Southern Charm matriarch Patricia Altschul’s house in Charleston was glamorous (I’m pretty sure it’s beautiful but I was too worried about breaking something to truly enjoy it), hearing the tea spilled in the makeup trailer ahead of a reunion was exciting, and even meeting some of their pets was adorable, but writing about reality TV remains a job. And one that a lot of people do. Some do it in the form of hosting podcasts and others do it as content creators on social media. But somehow, and thankfully, thinking about and expressing feelings about reality television programs is a job. An interview over drinks (fancy!) also means editing ramblings (oh, and there are ramblings) down at 5am to make a deadline (fml!).

And because reality figures are paid/rewarded in not only air time but also internet space, so many of them make these journalism jobs a grind. Like the reality shows themselves, it’s fun but it’s also dramatic. It’s not like writing about the latest Marvel show, unless Captain America was posting a scandalous Instagram post while Black Widow was announcing her pregnancy and Loki got arrested and Hulk was getting a divorce and Hawkeye was rumored to be dating Captain Marvel and Spider-Man was totally on DeuxMoi, all in the same day. Oh, and all while we’re watching them living their lives on TV in events that happened nine freaking months ago but it’s just airing now. It’s a lot!

HBO dramas are meant to be thought-provoking, encouraging tweet threads, in-depth follow-up interviews with creators, and, ultimately, generators of hot takes all throughout the internet. But reality TV shows tell us just as much — if not more! — about ourselves, our friends, and our worlds. It’s fun to break down all the biggest moments over brunch, but doing it every day on the internet, well, let’s just say it’s not often quiet or boring. Though, firing off a thousand-word hot take sure does feel good.

Unlike actors, even the method ones, reality stars are real people with real hearts and real intentions, for better or worse. Sometimes, even when we’re not recording, they will still want to talk about their shows. At first this confused me. Did they feel like that was the only thing I wanted to talk about or the only thing we have in common or do they feel pressure to continue talking about it? But you also realize (while somewhat heightened and certainly edited), that is still their actual life. Most don’t go out of their way to ask me about who I’m dating or how my work or friendships are doing, but is that just because they haven’t spent hours of their life watching it on TV (and in my case, jotting down notes along the way)?

Reality TV makes us think about what we would do in certain situations, what kind of partner we’re looking for in a relationship (and decidedly NOT looking for), and what we value in our friendships. It’s taught us what not to do when getting absolutely hammered and to make sure you always have receipts. And I like to think these shows, and not just my experience with them, ask us to consider having compassion and empathy for the people we’re watching and spending so much time with on our screens. Sure, I’ve met their friends, family members, pets, and personal attorneys. I’ve rolled my eyes at their gripes in my DMs and I’ve saved lovely, praising emails. I’ve had slight crushes and I also know who will absolutely unfollow me the second I can’t do anything for them. I love a little bit of gossip, but I also love a touch of grace. And so for as scandalous as these shows can be, watching and writing about them has served as an important reminder that none of us have it all figured out, but shoutout to the people who own that, agree to have it broadcast, and also help us to realize that about ourselves.