The ‘Harry Potter’ Reunion Special Once Again Highlights the Myriad Ways the Franchise Hates Hufflepuffs

Confession time: I am a big Harry Potter fan. I loved the books and movies growing up, and the story became an inextricable and joyful part of my childhood experience. With that in mind, unsurprisingly, I also adored Harry Potter 20th Anniversary: Return to Hogwarts, a heartfelt and nostalgic special that HBO Max released on New Year’s Day.

That being said, however, the special reminded me that I’ve got a bit of a bone to pick with the beloved franchise because, well… I’m a Hufflepuff (please, refrain from gasping or booing). I took a 112-question Sorting Hat quiz years ago and was so distraught upon being dubbed Hufflepuff, I took it all over again, only to once again be stuck with that garish yellow House.

For those of you who have forgotten or have no idea what a Hufflepuff even really is, here’s a brief rundown of House history. Hogwarts is divided into four Houses: Gryffindors (the brave ones with a lion mascot), Ravenclaws (the smart ones with an eagle mascot), Slytherins (the ambitious ones with a snake mascot), and Hufflepuff. We’re nice. That’s our Thing. That’s it. Everything else is downhill. Case in point: our House color is a very difficult to pull off bright shade of yellow, our mascot is a badger, and our House founder’s first name was frickin’ “Helga.” We can’t catch a break.

Since I discovered my house in distressing fashion all those years ago, I’ve come to terms with and have even become proud of my ‘Puff status, but the Harry Potter reunion definitely did poke at some old wounds. If you’re wondering what the big deal is or what the heck I’m talking about, A) you clearly aren’t a Hufflepuff, and B) allow me to break it down for ya. A quick quiz for you: Name three Hufflepuffs.

Could you do it? While there are several ‘Puffs listed in the books, the most notable ones in the books and films end up being Cedric Diggory (Robert Pattinson), Nymphadora Tonks (Natalia Tena) and Professor Pomona Sprout (Miriam Margolyes). And if those names don’t ring a bell, here’s a refresher:

Cedric was clearly cool as hell from the get-go when he was introduced in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Finally, Hufflepuff gets a rad hero of our own! He’s going to be important! Oh, what’s that, he’s dying that very same movie? He’s basically cannon fodder so Harry can see a friend die and grow stronger from it? Crap.

Tonks was a delightful figure who joined the party one book and movie later, in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. She’s a Metamorphmagus who can change her physical appearance at will. She’s also known as the wife of Professor Remus Lupin (David Thewlis), and similarly, doesn’t make it out of the franchise alive, dying in the Battle of Hogwarts in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Professor Sprout is there throughout the franchise and survives to the end, but all she does is teach kids about plants, which, sadly, isn’t as thrilling as say, being an escaped (wrongfully convicted) criminal like Gryffindor Sirius Black (Gary Oldman) or even one-time Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Ravenclaw Professor Quirinus Quirrell (Ian Hart), who only appeared in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone but at least made a lasting mark by being the guy who had Voldemort’s (Ralph Fiennes) face on the back of his head.

Were any of these Hufflepuffs there at the reunion, sharing their memories and hanging with old co-stars? No, of course not. Every House had someone there representing them except for us (despite the fact that Robert Pattinson is the biggest star to emerge from the Harry Potter franchise BY A LONG SHOT). I think people sometimes misremember Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch) as a Hufflepuff because she’s quirky, but alas, she is but a wise and misunderstood Ravenclaw. And look at this promo picture for the special. Not a Hufflepuff in sight:

Hufflepuffs come out of Harry Potter looking even lamer than Slytherin, who produced basically every single bully and bad guy in the series. At least they got to DO something. And even Slytherins, who live in a dungeon and have their fair share of unsavory characters, are like “ew, Hufflepuff.” Why is this our lot in life, J.K. Rowling? Merlin? Morgan le Fay? WHO CAN ANSWER ME?! No one? Fine, I’ll do this myself.

Here are just a few small and easy edits I have to suggest to the Harry Potter books and movies so that Hufflepuff can have a bit more presence and impact throughout the franchise:

• Make Voldemort a Hufflepuff: I mean, who would have seen this coming? No one suspects a ‘Puff of anything, so how epic would it be if the darkest wizard of all-time turned evil solely because he was bitter to be sorted into Hufflepuff and wanted to make the wizarding world pay? Instead of a snake, Voldemort talks to badgers and commands an army of them to do his bidding. Who cares if it makes no sense narratively, at least it’d be a fun twist.
• Let Hufflepuff win the House Cup or Inter-House Quidditch: I’m not greedy. One measly victory would have been fine! Is our House not good at anything except eating and smiling and dying?! What gives?!

• Give us a cooler ghost: Gryffindor gets the awesome Nearly Headless Nick (played by John frickin’ Cleese!), Slytherin gets the spooky Bloody Baron, Ravenclaw gets the lovely and tragic Grey Lady, and Hufflepuff gets… the Fat Friar. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! At this point, it feels personal. Give US John Cleese, instead, most comedians are probably Hufflepuffs anyway. Or at least make it the Hot Friar or Charming Friar, we’re not asking for much, here.
• Let. Cedric. LIVE!!! It might’ve even been enough to save Robert Pattinson from doing Twilight. We’d be living in a very different world right now if that were the case, but I guess we’ll never know, huh.

As you can see, from the beginning, Hufflepuffs have been cursed and looked down upon. Maybe one day there’ll be a sequel series, where it’s the ‘Puffs who rise up and take on the rest of the wizarding world for treating them like a joke. Or maybe they just band together and form a magical improv troupe (which would honestly be as frightening as any Death Eater or Dementor). At the very least, let’s hope for more Hufflepuff representation at the next reunion!

Watch Harry Potter 20th Anniversary: Return to Hogwarts on HBO Max