Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Crush’ on Hulu, a Queer Teen Rom-Com That Seasons Its Rainbows and Unicorns with a Pinch of Angst

Hulu’s queer teen rom-com Crush is the latest example of the streamer stepping up its original-movie game for 2022 (see also: horror gems No Exit and Fresh, as well as unintentional howler Deep Water, the Affleck-snail-fetish drama we didn’t know we needed). Rowan Blanchard stars as a junior-year high-schooler who’s out-’n’-proud like many of her classmates, and with that out of the way, can get on with all the usual teenage problems, e.g., college angst, sports angst, insane-parent angst, hormonal angst, etc. The question is whether the movie being (in the words of co-writer Kirsten King) “very gay” differentiates it from the usual genre cliches. Hopefully not.

CRUSH: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Puns. Someone keeps surreptitiously spray-painting somewhat clever, occasionally slightly double-entendre-y puns on the walls at Miller High and signing them “King Pun.” Maybe they make you think; maybe they just make you groan. And everyone thinks Paige (Blanchard) is the secret culprit. She’s the meek, awkward art student who dreams of going to art school – but she ain’t King Pun. We know this because she’s the protagonist and speaks to us in voiceover with enough sincerity to render her not yet another untrustworthy narrator. After all, the world has enough untrustworthy narrators, doesn’t it, and this movie is too damn bright and cheerful to pull some sneaky shit like that.

More about Paige: She’s the product of single-mom-by-choice-not-circumstance Angie (Megan Mullally), who congratulated her daughter with great loving supporting sincerity when she came out as gay. Angie is so supportive, she gives Paige dental dams and makes a point to put them on the shelf next to Paige’s Unicorn Wand vibrator. Parents: Whether they’re supportive or not, they’re always mortifying, aren’t they? Paige’s BFF is Dillon (Tyler Alvarez), with whom she shares all her mortifying secrets, e.g., her years-long crush on popular girl Gabby (Isabella Ferreira), who’s also out and it’s not a big deal in this happy-go-lucky LGBTQ+ semi-utopia. Even Gabby’s twin sister AJ (Auli’i Cravalho) ain’t afraid to like girls right out in the open. Paige walks down the hall and voiceovers to us about all the gay girls in school: the Wiccan gay, the horse gay, the gateway gay, et al. Everyone is gay as hell and the world is a beautiful place, and no, this is not snark, it’s idealism! Feel good about it, you cynical jerks!

All is not hunky-dory for Paige, though. Remember how everyone thinks she’s King Pun? Same goes for the principal (Michelle Buteau), who suspends her on no physical evidence whatsoever, but just roll with it. But this isn’t one of those frustrating, enraging movies about cruel injustice. Nope, Paige makes a deal: She’ll find the real King Pun in exchange for not being suspended. It’s a desperate maneuver – Cal Arts would probably drop her like a turd if she got suspended – but the principal agrees to this cockamamie agreement. Paige joins the track team to boost her extracurriculars and get her in a wider social structure to maybe help her find the mad graffiti artist. Of course, Dreamy Gabby runs track, and so does Dillon, and so does Dillon’s girlfriend Stacey (Teala Dunn), who form a hetero PDA couple who happen to be running against each other for class president, which only makes them hotter for each other. And so does AJ, who’s saddled with the task of coaching klutzoid Paige so she doesn’t kill herself on the hurdles – and who deserves special mention because maybe she’s making Paige forget all about Gabby. Oh boy.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Crush is sort of Love, Simon meets Election, but fluffier, and with touches of Booksmart, But I’m a Cheerleader and The Edge of Seventeen.

Performance Worth Watching: Blanchard channels some Big Hailee Steinfeld Energy into her character, as if she studied Edge of Seventeen and Dickinson (o, the mighty and glorious Dickinson!) for the role. That’s a compliment: Blanchard assures Paige is smart and sweet and vulnerable and sexy without being too much of any of it.

Memorable Dialogue: Paige spots Gabby from afar and gets that glazed look on her face:

Dillon: Is she in slow motion again?

Paige: Yeah.

Dillon: Music playing in the background?

Paige: Mmm hm.

Dillon: Funny feeling down there?

Paige: Naturally.

Sex and Skin: Teen smooching; frank sex talk; our lonely hetero couple rolls around in bed all horny from watching AOC on C-SPAN.

Our Take: Crush is a tryhard joke barrage at first and concludes like too many other teen comedies (breakup/make-up maneuvers, sad-song interlude, big speech in front of the whole school), but in between, finds a nice groove: winsome performances, endearing characters, buoyant tone and some good, solid laughs balancing any light-drama plot developments. I’m not sure we’re ever fully invested in anything that happens here; interested, for sure, but keep in mind, not every movie needs to make us churn butter by hand. It’s feathery and enjoyable and content to be just that.

Notably, director Sammi Cohen and screenwriters Kirsten King and Casey Rackham avoid the sturm-und-drang of modern-era anxiety. Where many other movies make gayness and social media plot devices, Crush ingrains them into the fabric of its reality – they’re texture, not structure. You know, we’re here, we’re queer, deal with it (as it should be!). It skirts the edge of satire but, keeping with its modern-optimist sensibilities, maintains its sincerity. It’s yet another movie about high-pressure teenagedom, but such things don’t always have to bear heavy hearts.

Our Call: STREAM IT. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but Crush reminds us that sometimes it absolutely is.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.