‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Tattooine Locals are in Dire Need of Some Sunscreen

When Obi-Wan Kenobi premieres on Disney+ this Friday, Star Wars fans will be introduced to a slightly older version of Ewan McGregor‘s Jedi Master. Set smack between Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope, this Obi-Wan is about ten years more mature than he was when he had the high ground on Mustafar, but he’s not nearly as over the hill as Sir Alec Guinness‘s wizened old hermit. To put it bluntly: Obi-Wan looks good for his age in Obi-Wan Kenobi, but totally over the hill and slouching towards the grave in A New Hope. 

The thing is, Obi-Wan Kenobi isn’t the only Tatooine local who seems to deteriorate rapidly between the events of Obi-Wan Kenobi and the original Star Wars movie. Somehow in just about 8 years’ time, Uncle Owen goes from looking like Joel Edgerton to a torn up, grease-covered brillo pad destined for the trash. I haven’t yet gotten a good look at Aunt Beru in Obi-Wan Kenobi, but actress Bonnie Piesse also looks to have aged far slower than her 1970s counterpart.

What is going on? Will the events of Obi-Wan Kenobi be so traumatizing that Obi-Wan, Owen, and Beru will age twenty years in under a decade? Or is something far more mundane aging these characters?

I think the answer is obvious. The characters based on Tatooine age faster because of the planet’s iconic twin suns. Their skin not only is being dried out by the lack of moisture in the air, but these characters are also walking willy nilly out under two suns without a lick of sunscreen. I mean does anyone ever mention SPF or any kind of skin care routine in Star Wars? They don’t. It’s “the light side of the Force” this and “the dark side” that, but never a single mention of the force of UVA or UVB rays on your skin!

Look at the photos above. On the right, we have a forty-something Obi-Wan Kenobi thriving in his natural linens under Tatooine’s twin suns. On the left, that’s the same guy 8-10 years later, but looking 30 years older. The evidence is clear and overwhelming. Just as prolonged exposure to sunlight can prematurely age those of us hum-drum humans hanging out on earth, it’s clear that these characters in a galaxy far, far away are also struggling with sun damage. And keep in mind: Tatooine — the place where people seem to decline the quickest — has two suns. Double damage!

So it’s clear that living on Tatooine isn’t just lame (according to Luke Skywalker) or terrible (as evidenced throughout The Book of Boba Fett). It’s bad for your skin. Like, you will look like the crypt-keeper well before your time bad.

The one question is will Obi-Wan Kenobi confirm that the people of Tatooine are suffering from epic amounts of skin damage from the twin suns? Or will we continue to hear gross silence on this point.

The characters of the Star Wars universe have mastered light speed, blue milk, and even becoming one with the Force. Still, they haven’t figured out how to slap some Banana Boat on their skin before they ride their eopies across the Dune Sea.