29 Times I Screamed “HOT!” While Watching ‘The Gray Man’

Less than a minute into The Gray Man we have EYES on Gosling, which immediately lets me know this film knows what it’s doing. It’s 2003 and Gosling’s character is wearing a blue uniform, chatting with a man in Florida State Prison who offers him some gum. Gosling’s character asks what kind, and we learn it’s Bubblicious Watermelon Wave. “There is no other kind,” he replies, then adds, “If you think I’m gonna rat someone out for Bubbilicious, you’ve got another thing coming to you. Watermelon or not.” HOT! He proceeds to chew the gum while carrying on conversation, and oh my gosh it’s good day for gum??? Every gum reference in this movie is pure gold, so for the sake of this list I’ll only thirst over the major ones.

The film jumps from Florida State Prison to Bangkok. 18 years have passed since we first watched Gos invent chewing gum, and he’s now wearing a stunning red suit with a freaking white t-shirt, flexing some extra facial hair, and looking dapper as hell. HOT!

Watch out, Gosling, you’ve got some serious competition. I dare you not to yell “HOT!” when Ana de Armas hits the screen with that short hair, eyeliner, floral power suit, and blue tie. She even makes sliding a water gun across a table sexy.

As if COURTLAND GENTRY wasn’t a hot enough name people start referring to him as “Sierra Six” and then SIX for short?! Are you kidding me? I can’t stress enough that we’re literally a single letter away from sex! Say it with me: HOT!

This hallway is gorgeous and he knows it. He’s clearly hamming up that strut by spinning that water gun on his finger, and you know what? It’s working.

I’m pleased to announce that Bridgerton‘s loss is STILL our gain. The Gray Man gives the world Regé-Jean Page as Denny, a handsome CIA director with glasses and a perpetually furrowed brow. HOT!

A wild toothpick appears in Six’s mouth while he’s prepping to attack a target, and honestly? I think someone’s messing with us at this point. Also can we talk about that shot of his arm? HOT!

When Ana de Armas kicks ass amongst balloons and Ryan does his first big jump to slide down those poles? HOT! Then he disarms his target, flashes a little smile, and does a little Mr. Darcy hand flex before fighting, all while fireworks are going off in the background? Swoon!

Immediate HOT! when we hear Chris Evans’ voice for the first time. Unfortunately, when we finally get a visual he’s in the middle of brutally torturing someone. Also, his haircut and mustache aren’t great. But he’s still Chris Evans. And when he takes a break to put in a single AirPod and have a little snack, his personality shines through. Mmm!

Loafers with no socks, light tight-fitting pants, a yellow shirt with brown and white stripes, and a pair of sunglasses? Lloyd’s ready for his GQ cover shoot. And don’t worry, I didn’t forget the most important part of this scene. He’s sucking on a lollipop that ties his whole outfit together, which he casually TOSSES AWAY once he starts speaking. I am anti-littering, but I’m pro-whatever just happened here.

From Lloyd and Six’s first phone call, it’s clear these two were made to verbally spar. Whether Lloyd’s saying “Hey, sunshine!” or inviting Six out for sushi (to which Six responds, “No thanks, I just had some Skittles”) I could watch these two characters talk for hours. The sheer idea of Gosling and Evans sharing a phone call, much less a screen? HOT! And Six ending the call with, “Hey, Lloyd? I immediately don’t like you” was so charming.

From the movie that brought you The Red Suit comes The Gray Suit! In present day, Six is wearing a hideous red and black hoodie and looking understandably disheveled after surviving a plane crash. But The Gray Man flashes back two years earlier and shows Six looking dapper as heck at London’s CIA station. The Gray Man in The Gray Suit? It’s giving Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love, aka HOT!

A man who is good with kids is capital H, HOT, which is one of the many reasons why watching Six’s scenes with Claire (Julia Butters) was so delightful.

Back to Vienna we go where Gos is standing shirtless in front of a mirror while hand-washing some bloody clothes. Woof.

Carmichael and Miranda? Talk about sexual tension! “Remove yourself from my personal space, please.” Phew! And another gorgeous outfit.

What a freaking duo. The action. The banter. Six calling out Lloyd’s white pants and “trash stache.” Lloyd saying “Nice try, pumpkin.” All hot!

Just as Lloyd is about to shoot Six, Miranda comes and saves his ass. Then she shoots him with a dart and pushes him into the trunk like the boss she is. Sorry, Six. It’s hot.

Six is running from the police, which is hot until he gets hit by a car. But the sexiness returns when he gets handcuffed to a bench and later hops over it to hide. Quick thinking, king.

The absolute scene I made upon hearing Evans’ character say, “An extra $10 million to the first guy to put a bullet in this Ken doll’s brain,” in reference to Gosling’s character. Why? Because Gosling IS playing Ken in Greta Gerwig’s 2023 film, Barbie. Llyod is right and he should say it. A hot little Easter egg.

Ana de Armas driving like a badass? Ryan Gosling jumping off moving a train onto her car and simply saying, “Thanks”? We love to see it.

Six and Lloyd aren’t the only two with a charming back and forth. Six and Miranda have a fiery love/hate thing going and as you probably guessed, it’s hot. From Six’s speech about his bruised ego or when he said, “I’m gonna bleed out while we have this conversation, so can we unpack this somewhere else?” to Miranda giving him shit for tossing her an unloaded gun, we’re here for this dysfunctional friendship.

911? I’m burning up over this scene.

This story is absolutely brutal, but it’s nice to see a character in this action-heavy film show EMOTION and discuss their BACKSTORY while simultaneously tending to his physical wounds.

An iconic quote from a snarky little shit followed by alcohol? Perfect. Not everyone knows this, but “You want to make an omelette, you gotta kill some people” is actually the hot cousin of Succession‘s “You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Greggs.”

After Six goes through hell and back he finally makes his way to rescue Fitz and Claire, but rather than opt for a dramatic entrance he gently kicks open the door and winks. WINKS! So hot and he absolutely knows it. He’s torturing us!

Before The Gray Man ends we get our ultimate Evans/Gosling throw down in a courtyard. There’s nothing sexy about other people’s physical pain, but this fight had some real hot moments in the beginning before Lloyd went all Knives Out and they really started hurting each other.

I mean, there are no words. Oh wait, there’s one: HOT!

Who gave this man the right to be so charming? Six ending the scene with a gum reference and a perfect callback to when he met Claire? Someone get me Gosling’s parents on the phone and also some ice.

I don’t know how they did it, but even The Gray Man‘s end credits are sexy. Like, hands down the hottest end credits in memory. And don’t think that reference to Chris Evans’ butt went unappreciated. Thank you, Russo brothers.