‘Andor’s’ Homes Are So Good We Need a ‘Property Brothers’ Style Spinoff

The Star Wars galaxy is a great place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Not because of the evil Empire or the ridiculously high odds that you’d live on a desert planet or the threat of having your homeworld blown up. All of those are negatives, sure, but I wouldn’t want to live there because real estate in the Star Wars galaxy has always been all or nothing. You either live in hovel or a high-rise — if you live anywhere at all! That’s starting to change with Andor, though. Andor is the first Star Wars show to give us homes that look like homes — and that makes me want Star Wars home renovation shows right now. If What We Do in the Shadows can do it, so can Star Wars!

Seriously — homes in a galaxy far, far away are fascinating. People of all statuses live in the most bizarre living conditions. You can be a once-great Jedi knight who’s living in a shack out by the Dune Sea, or you can be a dark lord, the literal chosen one, and have your own spa/sensory deprivation pod/techno-yurt in your living quarters aboard your massive starship — and also an evil castle on a lava planet. We spend so much time fixating on the battle between good and evil that we never really stop to think about where good and evil hang their hats and helmets after hours.

Andor got me thinking about this as soon as we got to see Timm’s apartment on Ferrix. Yes, Timm is the worst (and also extremely hot), but his home gives us what may be our first indication of how the average Joe lives in this galaxy. He has an apartment in a city that he affords with his job running the floor at a seemingly successful salvage yard.

For one thing, Timm has a bed that looks comfortable. Second: his kitchenette has a visually interesting backsplash, the kind of original feature that you wouldn’t want to touch in a remodel. Maybe you’d change the color with a white glaze, but whatever — it’s way more interesting than run-of-the-mill subway tile! This is why we need the Star Wars version of say, a Trixie Motel — a renovation show that’s as concerned with sprucing a place up as it is maintaining the original vibe.

Compare Timm’s apartment to the most iconic home in all of Star Wars: the Skywalker homestead on Tatooine. Reminder: it’s a literal hole in the ground.

And in that hole is a courtyard with lots of different alcoves that serve different purposes, like dining and living and storing weapons to use against invading Inquisitors.

This layout would push the Property Brothers over to the dark side. It’s an open concept connecting lots of tiny spaces that are so far apart that no amount of wall demolition could ever unite them. And the entire living quarters is one moisture accident away from being a literal mud room.

Like a lot of 19-year-olds who still live at home, Luke spends all of his time hanging out in the garage.

This place has to smell like sweat and oil and feel like an oven, though. There is no way this open-air desert home has a proper HVAC situation. I’d like to see designer Hilary figure out a way to cool this place down and convince Owen and Beru to love it instead of list it.

By comparison, Timm’s apartment looks like the kinda place most working adults could afford in most major cities. It’s definitely more practical than, say, Cloud City.

Imagine the stress of eating or drinking anything in this room.

Timm’s apartment is more realistic than the Star Wars’ most prominent apartment: Padmé’s (and Anakin’s, but you know her name is on the lease). This is some unattainable, Selling Sunset-level opulence. Their living room looks like the lobby of a Marriott!

Their bedroom is as big as Timm’s apartment.

And the view?

This apartment makes Selling Sunset’s $40 million listing look like a generic McMansion.

This isn’t the only home we’ve seen on this planet, though. Andor gave us a look at another apartment on Coruscant, and it makes the Amidala/Skywalker abode seem tacky as hell. I’m talking about Senator Mon Mothma’s absolutely stunning dwelling.

So, clearly we need Lucasfilm and Disney+ to give us Selling Coruscant, a reality soap starring only the fiercest agents in the galaxy — and yes, one of them would definitely use the dark side of the Force to secure listings. She would be played by Christine Quinn as a Twi’lek, obviously.

We also see another home on Ferrix, this one belonging to series lead Cassian Andor. As a refresher, here’s where our previous Disney+ leading men Din Djarin and Obi-Wan Kenobi lived:

A cargo hold and a damn cave. Obi-Wan lives in a literal man cave. And Din Djarin’s had to downgrade to a single-seater fighter since then, after the Razor Crest was destroyed. He’s gone from living in an RV to living on a motorcycle.

Cassian and his mother Maarva, though? They have a legit house (maybe it’s more of a condo?) that has a whole lot of potential. We’re talking accent walls, natural light, unique features — !

Maarva’s home has what they call in the biz “good bones” and would be great for an intergalactic Property Brothers spinoff. Let’s declutter, put down some hardwood floors, paint the ceiling white to open up the space some — and I dunno, probably put some space-shiplap somewhere, which they can get at a discount since Cassian’s friend Bix runs a salvage yard. You can see the possibilities, and now we need to stream the possibilities. Give us Property Pilots or Property Knights or something!

Andor’s totally changed what a Star Wars show can look like. It can be a gripping spy thriller with political overtones! The set and production design is also proving to be as interesting as all the action. Give us what we want now that we know we want it: basic middle class couples of the Mid Rim getting upset about ceiling beams.