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First finding fame as a Disney tween star, Selena Gomez entered adulthood at the top of the pop music charts and is one of the most followed people on Instagram. Somewhere along the way, everything went pear-shaped. Battling the autoimmune disease lupus and undiagnosed bipolar disorder, she retreated from the public eye and was eventually hospitalized following what’s been described as a psychotic break.
Premiering today on Apple TV+, the new documentary Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me chronicles life before and after the breakdown and her uneasy climb out of multiple health crises. At times intimate, at other times sensational, it was directed by Alek Keshishian, most famous for the influential 1991 tour-doc Madonna: Truth or Dare.
SELENA GOMEZ: MY MIND & ME: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
Opening Shot: We see Gomez in a Paris hotel room in 2019. As makeup artists paint her lips and tease her hair, her thousand-yard stare implies she would rather be anywhere else. We next see her in the backseat of a car, her head in the lap of best friend and travelling companion Raquelle Stevens. “I’m very tired,” Selena says. “Do you want to do your morning meds?,” Stevens asks before answering herself, “I know the answer but…you should.”
The Gist: In 2016, Selena Gomez was one of the biggest stars in entertainment. The world had watched her grow up on such Disney programs as Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place but like other child stars of her generation, she was eager to prove she was now an adult. As the film gets underway, Gomez is preparing for a withering tour in support of her 2015 album Revival. From the start, she is plagued by insecurity and doubt. Some of it is the result of lingering health problems from her battle with the autoimmune disorder lupus. Some of it seems to come from psychic wounds deep within her soul.
While Selena cries in disgust at her appearance and performance backstage, her management and record label offer only platitudes. The 26-year-old woman complains about having the body of a “12-year-old boy” and is haunted by the perception of her as a child star. “I want nothing more than to not be my past,” she says. To cheer her up, her managers give her a bag of charms, one for each day of tour. It’s the kind of gift you’d give a child.
The film is free and easy with the actual chronology of events. We speed through an exhausting loop of hotels, rehearsals, concerts and meet and greets with fans who are both devoted and entitled, while paparazzi hounds her, screaming questions like, “Did Justin Bieber make you go to rehab?” After three months on the road, the remaining dates are canceled. Somewhere in the middle of it all she has a kidney transplant and is later hospitalized after talking about harming herself. Gomez’ mother Mandy says she first learned about the episode from the gossip website TMZ.
When we next see Gomez, it’s 2019. She lethargically paces around her mansion and speaks about regrets and her recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder. She credits friends and family for pulling her back from the brink and worries about sinking into depression again. To keep her fears at bay and give her life purpose, she endeavors to learn more about her condition and raise awareness of mental health issues globally.
Seeking a firm center of gravity, she returns to her Texas hometown where she visits her cousin and former neighbors on the street she grew up on. “After I got out of the last treatment center, I knew what made me happy was connection,” she says. She later travels to Kenya to visit a women’s school she funded through the WE Charity. Though she came from similarly humble origins, that was long ago and she seems out of place but is also invigorated by the experience and sees a path forward.
The good times don’t last. Afterwards, a European press junket triggers traumatic memories of her past. “I’m having fun,” she says unconvincingly to Stevens while discussing a grueling professional schedule that gives her no days off between travel and work commitments. She heads into the 2020 pandemic shutdown with her lupus flaring up but somehow she survives and grows stronger. The film ends with Gomez exhibiting a renewed sense of mission to help others. “I am a work in progress. I am enough. I am Selena,” she says in closing.
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: My Mind & Me follows in the path of documentaries like Machine Gun Kelly’s Life in Pink and Gaga: Five Foot Two, films which strive to present their subjects as important artists at a personal or professional crossroads, their youth on one side, and a more mature version of themselves on the other. At the same time, its frank discussion of mental health issues reminds one of the recent Sheryl Crow documentary Sheryl and Charli XCX: Alone Together, though this one travels to far darker places.
Performance Worth Watching: It’s Selena Gomez’s show and while the film is not a performance per se, her willingness to share her story, warts and all, is admirable and should be applauded.
Memorable Dialogue: “If I was a guy I could wear jeans and just switch up my T-shirt and put a beanie on and nobody would care,” she says during a costume check, before adding nonchalantly, “Actually I think the breasts are good. I don’t know, I do need a little breast.”
Sex and Skin: I mean, sure, there’s a couple moments where we see Gomez getting dressed but that’s REALLY NOT WHAT THE FILM IS ABOUT ya big perv.
Our Take: If you ever were wondering why being a child actor isn’t a good career choice or why all the glitters is not gold, Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me makes it all quite clear. Few documentaries have made being a celebrity seem more miserable, and keep in mind, I review music documentaries about nearly hopeless drug addicts on the regular. The failings of hangers on and management also feature prominently in the film. Here’s a piece of advice: cliche words of encouragement and over-scheduling don’t relieve anxiety and depression, in fact, they usually make it worse.
Besides her many talents, Gomez has always been extremely likable. She’s down to Earth and willing to poke fun at herself. None of that is on display in the film. This is not a puff piece. That’s the point. By showing Selena at her lowest moments, perhaps others suffering from mental health issues will recognize something of themselves and realize they’re not alone.
Our Call: STREAM IT. Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me is not easy viewing and may be especially hard for those who have experienced mental illness first hand. However, you can’t address a problem if you don’t acknowledge it. By shining a light on her own struggles, Gomez can hopefully assuage the stigma that surrounds mental illness and makes treating it more difficult. As the the film convincingly asserts, help often comes one step and one person at a time.
Benjamin H. Smith is a New York based writer, producer and musician. Follow him on Twitter: @BHSmithNYC.
