Stream It Or Skip It: ‘We Have a Ghost’ on Netflix, a Patience-Taxing Genre Mash Starring David Harbour as a Mute Ghost

We Have a Ghost (now on Netflix) is some serious capital-C Content, a 127-minute supernatural-horror-action-family-comedy anchored by Stranger Things guy David Harbour, Marvel guy Anthony Mackie and too-talented-for-this-junk young guy Jahi Di’Allo Winston (who was extraordinary in little-seen 2020 drama Charm City Kings). The film is veteran director Christopher Landon’s follow-up to another, leaner, smarter, funnier genre mashup, 2020’s Freaky, which amused us in all the ways that We Have a Ghost doesn’t. Because what we have here is something that lures our cynicism from its miserable and dingy little corner: This movie is a tedious mess that nevertheless seems destined to be no. 1 on Netflix for a week or two.

WE HAVE A GHOST: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: The previous owners ran screaming from the house, sped off in their minivan and never looked back. Now, ONE YEAR LATER, a caricature of a real estate agent gives the Presley family a tour of the place. The yard is a tangle of weeds, the siding is filthy and the cobwebs inside indicate that there had to have been 10,000 spiders in there working overtime. Looks more like 10, maybe 15 years of dilapidation, but never mind, it’s a fixer-upper, and the Presleys are up for it. Dad Frank (Mackie) and mom Melanie (Erica Ash) are sold on the place, but their teenage sons Kevin (Winston) and Fulton (Niles Fitch) aren’t convinced. The place is old and “historical” and looks reasonably sized on the outside but once you get inside, it’s cavernous, with giant staircases, high high ceilings and a massive attic. I’m not sure how physics work in this particular reality, but they seem a bit warped compared to our true physics.

Of course, the legit nature and properties of matter and energy are inevitably upended in a movie about ghosts, which for damn sure aren’t real, so let’s move on from our hang-ups of science and logic. Fresh off a verbal tussle with Frank – “How many fresh starts are we at now, Dad?” – Kevin ventures up to the attic and meets Ernest (Harbour), the resident poltergeist. Ernest, an aging fella wearing a terrible, greasy combover and a yellow-cab-yellow bowling shirt, tries to scare the kid, but it doesn’t work. Kevin’s unflappable, and would rather make friends with the guy. Former guy? Thing? Let’s just say he’s a guy. And he’s a nice guy once you get to know him. At this point, it’s crucial that we learn the movie’s Ghost Rules: Ernest can walk through walls and stuff and when you try to touch him, whoosh, you can’t. But he can touch you if he wants, or sit on a chair, so he can solidify at will. He can moan and groan, but can’t talk, a crucial plot point, because if he could explain what happened to him, most of the plot of the movie wouldn’t happen at all. Oh, and he also has no memory of what happened to him, so I guess they could’ve let poor David Harbour talk in this movie after all, since it seems pretty silly that he doesn’t?

And oh, there’s so much plot here. Kevin shoots a video of Ernest and he soon becomes – you may sigh deeply here – a viral internet sensation. The world is convinced the ghost is real and not fake, and Frank wants to exploit the living frick out of the situation by monetizing their internet content, going on talk shows and inviting famous supernatural medium Judy Romano (Jennifer Coolidge) over to film an episode of her TV show. Press and fans camp out on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, ghost story author and CIA agent Dr. Leslie Monroe (Tig Notaro) de-mothballs the U.S. gov’s X-Files-ish program, hoping to capture Ernest and bring him in to do whatever with him, probably turn him into a weapon to fight the Commies or something. None of this sits well with Kevin and his new friend Joy (Isabella Russo), the goth-ish trombonist computer-hacker big-personality love-interest girl next door; they just want to know why Ernest is stuck here on this mortal plane, so they get to digging and road-tripping and being chased by inept cops, stuff like that. Will Ernest find closure? Will the Presley family mend their rifts? Will we give a damn about any of it? Sure, yes and probably not, in that order.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: Ghost, Ghostbusters and The X-Files all get run through this cliche machine. 

Performance Worth Watching: Winston finds the heart of this story – a heart that’s absolutely buried in unnecessary junk – and carries it. He’s the chemical catalyst for thoughtful interactions with Harbour and Russo, and is the movie’s strongest redeeming quality (among far too many non-redeeming ones).   

Memorable Dialogue: Melanie tries to subvert the fatal flaw of the Amityville Horror protagonists: “We are NOT gonna be like every stupid White family in every horror film! We’re leaving!”

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: We Have a Ghost is quite the bloated sack of ectoplasm. It mooshes together the stuff of supernatural yukfests, awkward teen rom-coms, heavy family melodramas, road comedies with local yokels and gross motel rooms, car-chasey action-comedies, amnesiac mysteries and cheeky social satires. The only thing holding it all together is gooey-gluey sentimental drip which, despite Winston’s attempts to elevate it with his charisma, has all the appeal of sticking your face in a big jar of rubber cement and inhaling. All you do is get dizzy and regret your decision.

The too-muchness of this movie is its undoing. The predictably zesty Coolidge cameo enlivens the proceedings but feels unnecessary, as if satirizing social media frenzies, federal authoritarian meddling and breathless media scrums wasn’t enough, so Landon – who also wrote the screenplay – decides to spoof basic-cable reality-TV junk too. Mackie’s character is a flimsy irritant and we get so sick of his ass, you’ll wish the story deployed some single-mom cliches instead. And the product placement is egregious – if you need a chain organization to aid you with your tax prep, boy, does this movie have a recommendation for you!

The film is chock-full of characters who act like Movie People – you know, they’re either plot devices or sources of comedy. (Comedy that rarely hits its mark, mind you.) The exception is Winston’s thoughtful characterization of Kevin, a sensitive kid who’s empathetic rather than fearful in unusual situations. That’s a nice example to set for younger viewers. But Landon mires Kevin’s story in patience-taxing wackiness and heavily sugared earnestness, and resolves this conglomeration of subplots in the stupidest manner possible. Boo? Yes, boo.

Our Call: SKIP IT. We Have a Ghost is really really dumb, and is destined to be huge on Netflix.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.