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You might know the Beer Olympics from college glory days, but can you imagine with actual stakes? That’s what Bar Fight! (now streaming on Hulu) imagines. A series of beer battles emerge within a bar to decide which half of a recently separated couple gets to keep going to there. Especially when throwing in the Christmas setting, the holidays only add to the hijinks.
BAR FIGHT: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?
The Gist: You’ve seen custody battles play out on-screen before. But usually, they take place over children or property, not … a bar. In Bar Fight!, the recently split Nina (Melissa Fumero) and Allen (Luka Jones) do battle to lay claim to their favorite bar. When neither agrees to vacate, a natural solution emerges — a competition centered around bar/drinking games. Each tries to rally the regulars to their cause so they can continue to keep their residency. In the process, they can finally have the real and honest conversations about their partnership that eluded them when they dated.
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: What if a quirky indie about a break-up like (500) Days of Summer unfolded entirely within the bar from Cheers? That’s more or less Bar Fight!
Performance Worth Watching: Fans of Hulu’s series Shrill know — Luka Jones has the oddest charisma ever, and it totally works. He gives off the vibes of a lazy, unlikeable schlub … and yet he still makes you fall in love with his characters anyways. While he has far less to work with in Bar Fight!, he does the best he can with what he has.
Memorable Dialogue: “You stopped in to take a piss, Allen,” chastizes Nina as she makes her argument for why she deserves the bar. “You were literally just following your dick.” He retorts, “Right, my dick found it first, and I’m attached to my dick!” It’s an early sign of the himbo charm Allen exudes, although it’s all downhill from there.
Sex and Skin: Getting lucky might be on the characters’ minds in some frank (albeit silly) lines, but it’s all talk and no action. (“Wanna be safe? Just stick to anal!” says one embittered single character to a blooming couple.)
Our Take: Bar Fight! is not unlike many a regrettable night out; that is to say it sounded like a good idea at the time. Writer/director Jim Mahoney might have a clever concept, but it’s mired in Sundance-lite tropes and ChatGPT-quality dialogue. This is a deeply unfunny movie with broad caricatures of barflies going through the motions of a couple’s competition. None of the supporting characters in the film make the slightest impression … if they even register as anything other than an annoyance pulling focus from Nina and Allen. This is a rote relationship comedy (if the latter word even applies) that goes down like the nastiest, cheapest brew you can imagine.
Our Call: SKIP IT. Bar Fight! is a sitcom-episode premise stretched beyond its breaking point to feature-length. Even at 84 minutes, it feels interminable. Maybe the real drinking competition needed is the one for viewers to be able to endure the movie.
Marshall Shaffer is a New York-based freelance film journalist. In addition to Decider, his work has also appeared on Slashfilm, Slant, The Playlist and many other outlets. Some day soon, everyone will realize how right he is about Spring Breakers.
