The Carmen vs. Victor Vote on ‘Love Island’ Was the Dumbest Voting Since 2016

Love Island USA Season 5 has precisely one thing going for it: Bergie. Okay, that’s not to say that Season 5 is bad. It’s more that — if you’re gonna have a show on six nights a week (if you have the patience for Saturday night’s Unseen Bits clip show, that is), you need the content to back it up. And who woulda thunk it, but dropping a 23-year-old Dairy Queen manager from South Dakota into a hornet’s nest of horny hotties is exactly the kind of storyline that demands near-nightly attention. That’s why I, along with presumably all of Bergie’s Brigade, was screaming at my screen during the most recent elimination deliberation.

To get those of you who aren’t spending an hour a night watching Love Island USA up to speed: the most recent coupling saw Victor (a.k.a. Spanish Aquaman) choose to couple with Carmen (a.k.a. American Margot Robbie?). That bummed Bergie out because he and Carmen were getting close, but he was still happy to couple up with Kassy. Then Carmen started feeling iffy about Victor because Victor was moving too fast and physical touch isn’t her love language. He’s a physical touch, she’s an acts of service. Bergie is a words of affirmation — sweet lord, there has been a lot of talk of love languages this season. Anyway — when it came time for the obligatory “choose someone to make out with” challenge, this time with an Indiana Jones theme, Carmen chose to make out with Bergie under an artificial waterfall instead of Victor.

Fast-forward a day, an hour, a week — like on Lost, time is meaningless on Love Island. We’re at the next big elimination where America gets to dump a couple via text. Victor and Carmen are done and Bergie and Carmen are getting along great. The problem is, they are not officially paired up! Both of them are in nonstarter relationships! So when America is asked to vote for their favorite couple, of course they’re going to vote for Keenan and Kay Kay or Destiny and Harrison. They’re real couples — well, they’re Love Island real. Bergie and Kassy squeak by, leaving Victor and Carmen eligible for elimination. The twist is: the other Islanders get to vote for who stays and who goes.

This should be a slam dunk. It is obvious that, if the goal of Love Island is to find love, Carmen is way closer to achieving that goal than Victor. The obvious choice is to keep Carmen. So, how does the voting start? With Aussie newbie Harrison voting to keep Victor. Okay. Sure. Dude’s new! Then Marco votes to keep the person who is “being honest” and “looking for a romantic relationship,” so… Victor. What is happening?

Hannah votes for Carmen, reasoning that Carmen still has a shot with Bergie and adding, seemingly in disbelief that she even has to justify it, “I’m just voting for Carmen. That’s all I have to say.” Anna doesn’t let Hannah finish voting before saying, “I’m voting for Carmen, too.”

The partisan voting, women for Carmen and men for Victor, is suddenly very obvious. Are we not voting on who has a shot at finding love? Does love not matter here?!

When Bergie of course votes for Carmen, it seems like the outcome is clear: six women plus Bergie vote for Carmen, and the remaining five men all vote for their bro because “Victor has drove a little bit deeper” and “he’s been open to go beyond outside of his type to look for his person.” Sure. When Kay Kay becomes the millionth person to point out that Carmen already has what the straights refer to as “a person,” Marco mutters to himself that, “That was like, I don’t even know how that’s like a fuckin’… yeah.” You don’t know what, Marco? You don’t know why love is a factor in this elimination on Love Island?? This is, overall, the most clueless and partisan voting I’ve seen since 2016.

Anyway — Destiny decides to break with party lines and vote for Victor to stay, thus leaving us at a damn tie. Baby Bergie — after hedging his bets and saying that he doesn’t know if Carmen will choose him at the next coupling, thus frustrating the hell out of everyone — finally makes a stand and says that he wants to go all-in on Carmen. He is pursuing her, dammit, and that’s good because no one else is. How is this a question? Bergie is ready to make her co-manager of the Dairy Queen. She will be Queen of Blizzards! Don’t fight it!

So, who gets voted off on Love Island USA Season 5 Episode 9? We don’t know. The episode ends with Kay Kay trying to subtly point out the obvious, but we don’t know if any of the dudes or Destiny are flipping their vote. This could end with Victor getting the chop and us getting the rollercoaster ride of watching this middle-of-nowhere sweetheart experience his first relationship ever on practically-live, nightly television. That’s some Truman Show-level shit right there! Or we could see Carmen get the axe, meaning that Victor, Bergie, and Kassy will all be ghosted and left to haunt the villa until the arrival of some new souls.

The saga of Bergie continues on Friday night at 9 p.m. ET on Peacock.