Former Child Star Taylor Momsen Opens up About Her Struggles Post-‘Gossip Girl’: “I Fell Into a Very Dark Hole of Depression and Substance Abuse” 

Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen recently opened up about her mental health struggles after leaving the hit CW series to focus on her music career.

The former child actress caught up with her co-star Penn Badgley on the latest episode of his podcast, PodCrush, during which the pair looked back on their time playing siblings Jenny and Dan Humphrey on the salacious teen drama. During the episode, Momsen also opened up about the loss of her close friend and longtime collaborator Kato Khandwala in 2018, which she says left her in a “dark” place.

“It took me very down. I fell into a very dark hole of depression and substance abuse, and everything that comes with death and loss and trauma,” she said, per Variety. “I essentially quit everything. I stopped making music; I couldn’t listen to music. It bummed me out, for lack of better term. It was dark. It got very dark there for a while.”

The actress and singer said making new music helped her deal with her grief: “I had to make a very conscious decision at some point — where I was either gonna die or I was gonna move forward,” she said. “I chose to move forward.”

“It took something that was incredibly sad and devastating and almost killed me, and I tried to turn it into my power,” Momsen said. “He’s here with me every night. He’s no longer here but we’re still doing this together.”

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Khandwala was a songwriter and producer who regularly worked with The Pretty Reckless, the band Momsen founded when she was 16 years old and still starring on Gossip Girl. She remained a series regular on Gossip Girl through the end of Season 4, after which she stepped away to focus on her music career.

According to Momsen, the Gossip Girl team helped her leave the show despite her contract by writing her character out.“They really allowed me to follow my dream, and I’m forever grateful and thankful to them for that,” she said.

The actress explained that she first turned to music as a way to cope after spending a lot of time alone as a child star. After being in the industry since she was two years old, she decided to pursue music almost “as soon” as she could make her own decisions about her career.

“Literally, as soon as I got to an age where I could make my own decisions, it was like a click… I woke up one morning and went, ‘Wait a second. I don’t have to do this? I don’t have to do this other job? I can just play in my band and tour and write songs? I can just do that?’” she explained. “Granted, a little more complicated to get out of a television show than that, but the answer was yes.”

Momsen later reprised her role for the Gossip Girl series finale, which aired in 2012. The show has since been rebooted by HBO.

She has otherwise stayed away from acting and instead focused on The Pretty Reckless, which went on a world tour to promote their 2021 album Death By Rock and Roll.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, call or text the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) hotline at 800-950-NAMI (6264).