‘Southern Charm’ Season 9 Episode 1 Recap: Did You Have To Let Them Linger?

Let’s get this out of the way, right away: Southern Charm Season 8 was a flop. Not so much of a flop that we decided to turn our backs on the show or anything — we’re still all here, aren’t we? — but it was, undeniably, a year of transition (to put it mildly). To recap: Shep and Taylor were (mostly) pretty happy together, which was great for them (while it lasted) but a little snoozy for the viewers at home. Craig and Paige were (mostly) pretty happy together, which … well, see above. Madison found a new man, but that man had no interest in being on camera, which largely relegated her to the sidelines. Austen and Olivia’s relationship never really took flight, and Kathryn’s curious dalliance with Chleb was never anything other than depressing (for us, as viewers, as well as for them, as participants). As for Venita, Leva, and Pringle? I can’t remember anything that either of them did that moved the ball forward, narrative-wise. Naomie hooked up with Whitney, as well, but something must have gone less than amazing on that front, as Naomie was not invited back for Season 9. (Nor was Pringle, for that matter, but we doubt that there was any potentially problematic workplace romance gone wrong between him and Whitney, one of the show’s executive producers.)

As soon as the cameras stopped filming in late 2021, though, things started to get really interesting down south. Taylor quit her job, took Shep up on his “two tickets to paradise” offer to see the world together … and then the two broke up in quite contentious fashion, as rumors of infidelity (involving one of Leva’s employees, no less!) swirled. This made for some genuinely compelling — albeit difficult to watch, thanks to the rawness of the emotion that Taylor was dealing with — television during the Southern Charm Season 8 two-part reunion.

Following that, the Austen / Olivia experiment officially went up in flames, too, which was followed up by the rumor to end all rumors: were Austen and Taylor making the beast with two backs? It didn’t stop there, either. Kathryn got fired, then (briefly) joined OnlyFans. Sloppy Sonja Morgan went on WWHL and suggested she had swapped spit with Craig (which, we should note, Craig quickly denied). And Bravo added three new pot stirrers to the cast, all of which sets the stage for the most dramatic season of SoCharm since Ashley Jacobs was fighting Kathryn for the heart of T-Rav!

Naturally, this season opens up with some footage we’ve already been privy to (by way of the jaw-dropping, earth-quaking, booty-shaking Season 9 supertrailer): Everyone speculating about what, exactly, went down between Taylor and Austen. Did they just kiss? Did they “hook up”? Did they do the nasty? (Olivia’s response says it all: “Is the sky blue?”) And, gasp! Did Taylor send n00dz to Whitney? Weeeee, we’re off to the races!

Before we can get to the present, though, first we have to retreat two months back to January 2023. We play catch-up with the Charmers by way of a quick montage of them living their lives: Craig and Paige enduring more Charleston construction, Austen making a depressing egg dish that’s neither an omelette nor scrambled eggs, Madison spilling iced coffee on her front porch, and a leather-clad Whitney cleaning up dog excrement in Patricia’s manse. But wait, who’s that? It’s Patricia’s new butler, Randy!

Does Randy make a mean martini? We’ll have to wait and see, because this was a blink-and-you-missed-him appearance. (I think I speak for all Southern Charm fans by sending well wishes to Michael Kelcourse, Patricia’s former butler. Hope your recovery is continuing to go well!)

Smash cut back to Craig’s house, which seemingly has been under construction since before anyone had ever even heard of a “mask mandate.” Craig informs us that the stairs he’s descending are brand new, at which point he and Paige inspect their new swimming pool/bacteria breeding installation (Paige hates hot tubs, Craig is dismayed to learn). The constant whirring of saws and pounding of hammers inside and outside of the home is giving some serious Money Pit vibes, which has to at least factor in a little bit about why Paige seems less than enthused about moving permanently down to Charleston (at least while construction is still underway). The Winter House / Summer House star also doesn’t really seem to have built any bonds with any of Craig’s fellow Charmers, especially the ladies (we don’t blame her for not being all buddy buddy with Naomie, that’s for sure).

Next, we skip over to Madison’s house, where we see her son Hudson (who’s now 10!) and … her new husband Brett Randle! Last season, Brett did everything in his power to stay off camera, but it appears that Madison’s powers of persuasion remain intact. As the two boys proceed to play with toy guns outside, Madison attempts to paint the rosiest picture possible of her new state of wedded, domestic bliss. This new family unit has settled into life in Charleston, and isn’t the least bit disrupted by fact that Brett’s job (as a “chief firefighter”) takes him all the way across the country to California on the regular. (“He’s gone for three days, home for … eight,” Madison gamely tries to rationalize.) Good for them!

Madison and Brett’s Mexican wedding was amazing, of course, but witnessed only by their respective families (and a photographer from PEOPLE), so Madison has the bright idea to throw a post-wedding party in Charleston so the gang can 1) Meet Brett for the first time and 2) Have an excuse to see what fireworks can happen when exes stop being polite and start getting day drunk.

Austen, naturally, is perplexed by this. Why, exactly, is his ex Madison inviting him to this post-wedding celebration? To extend an olive branch? To show him what he missed out on by not proposing to her? To put him on the defensive? After seeking counsel from Craig and Shep and suffering from a bit of existential dread about going 0 for 3 to date when it comes to his SoCharm cast member dating history (Chelsea, Madison, and Olivia), Austen ultimately decides not to over think things too much and just attend the party. WWEFD, after all! (For the unfamiliar, that stands for “What would Errol Flynn do?”)

If the episode up to this point has been a whole lot of foreplay, it’s at Madison and Brett’s wedding shindig that things start getting hot and heavy. Emotionally speaking, of course; no one at this party is sneaking off to the bathroom, T-Rav and Ashley style (did we already say “We miss you, Trashley!” yet?!?). No less than 3 awkward reunions are about to go down at this recaption, which we’ll rank in terms of how AWK AF they ended up being:

1. AUSTEN AND MADISON

   Sure, there was some trepidation on Austen’s part about seeing a newly married Madison for the first time, but let’s face it — all of the sexual tension between these two evaporated like an ice cube at the equator. Most of the awkwardness came courtesy of Austen’s inability to create small talk with Brett, and his weird joke that he gifted the new couple a ticking time bomb.

2. AUSTEN AND OLIVIA

   It’s not immediately clear exactly what Austen did to piss Olivia off to this degree, but things are definitely tense between the two. You don’t need to be a body language expert, let alone a body language amateur, to recognize that Olivia’s pursed lips and averted eyes means that she has no intention of giving Austen the time of day, let alone a friendly catch-up convo. As it turns out, Austen texted “Hey, hope you’re having a Merry Christmas” to Olivia, a text that was met only by a “thumbs up” response. Meep! But that’s nothing compared to this testy exchange:

   Olivia: “What do you need from me, in this moment, to enjoy the day?”

   Austen: “Nothing, nothing in this moment.”

   Olivia: “Then we can go our separate fucking ways.”

3. SHEP AND TAYLOR

   Now THIS was uncomfortably AWK AF, a veritable cringefest! Any semblance of the loving relationship these two once shared has receded further back than Prince William’s hairline, replaced by a frostiness worthy of the Ice Age. Taylor is not having ANY of Shep’s attempts to re-ingratiate himself into her life; when he tries to ascertain why she liked visiting London better than Paris during a recent girls trip she took (“Because of the language barrier?”, Shep smugly inquires), Taylor gives him a death glare for the ages. It gets tenser from there, though.

   After a few moments of small talk, Shep attempts to wrap things up by giving Taylor a cordial, “let’s be friends” hug, which immediately backfires and ends up disintegrating into a weird side-hug thing that’s the hug equivalent of nails on the chalkboard. Screeeeeeeech!

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All of these pale in comparison to the encounter between Craig and Taylor, though, that happened the end of this supersized ep. No, Taylor and Craig have never dated, which is why we didn’t put them in our AWK AF ratings above, but this encounter made all those others feel warm like a boozy hug at a family reunion. We’d like to compliment Taylor on keeping things relatively together during her difficult reunion with Shep, but after the former live-in lovers’ icy side hug, it seems like all of her resolve wilted, opening the path for her emotions get the best of her. She took out the anger and ire she was feeling towards Shep and redirected it to poor Craig — read more about why in the exclusive interview we did with Taylor Ann Green earlier this week.

Pro tip: One foolproof way to ever tell if you’re losing the thread in a conversation is if you use the word “dude” more than once in a single sentence, and we’re sad to say that Taylor fell victim to this regrettable circumstance during her rant (“Dude, do you realize how shitty that is, we used to be friends, dude.”). Craig, for his part, did a yeoman’s job of trying to explain to Taylor that he wasn’t the person she should be lambasting at someone else’s wedding party — “I didn’t cheat on you,” he rationally tried to explain — but it was to no avail. Eventually, Craig lost his cool, too — we don’t blame him — and stormed off into the sunset, looking handsome as hell despite being nine shades of red hot under the collar.

You know what, though? It made for a spectacular entry point for what promises to be a season filled with shade, sniping, and sauciness. Move over Kathryn and Trashley, it’s Taylor’s turn to take center stage as the show’s resident pot stirrer. We can’t wait to see where things go from here!

Southern Charm Season 9 premieres with a supersized episode on Thursday, Sept. 14 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo. Episodes will be available to stream next day on Peacock.