‘Scandal’ Alum Kerry Washington Tells ‘GMA’s Robin Roberts She Contemplated Suicide Amid Eating Disorder: “I Didn’t Want To Be Here”

Kerry Washington is revealing one of the darker parts of her life to the public. In an upcoming interview for Good Morning America — set to air on Sept. 24 — the Scandal actress reveals that she contemplated suicide while in the throes of her eating disorder.

In Washington’s new memoir Thicker Than Water, she recalls the “toxic cycle of self-abuse” she endured in her college years, which included “starvation, binge eating, body obsession and compulsive exercise.” According to her, the disorder was the first time she got on her knees and asked a “power greater than” herself for help.

“I was good at performing perfect. I was good at control,” she tells Robin Roberts in a clip from her GMA interview. “I could party all night and drink and smoke and have sex and still show up and have good grades. I knew how to manage. I was so high functioning.”

She continues, “The food took me out. Like, the body dysmorphia, the body hatred, it was beyond my control and really led me to feeling like I need help from somebody and something bigger than me or I am in trouble, because I don’t know how to live with this.”

Washington remembers feeling “scared” by how bad it got at one of her lowest points.

“I could feel how the abuse was a way to really hurt myself, as if I didn’t want to be here,” she admits. “Like, it scared me, that I could want to not be here because I was in so much pain.”

.@kerrywashington opens up to @RobinRoberts about how she says her relationship with food and her body once became a toxic cycle of self-abuse: "I could not control it."

"Kerry Washington: Thicker Than Water" airs Sunday 10/9c on @ABC. https://t.co/bnnOTFBDMf pic.twitter.com/z0CxOXBqKd

— Good Morning America (@GMA) September 21, 2023

The Django Unchained star later confirms to Roberts that she contemplated suicide, revealing, “The behavior was tiny, little acts of trying to destroy myself.”

These days, however, Washington notes that her relationship with food — and her mental health — is much different.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say that I’d never act out with food,” she says. “It’s just very different now. It’s not to the extreme. There’s no suicidal ideation. That is not where I am anymore.”

She adds, “The bottom has gotten a lot higher where just a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know that this is a way to check myself. It definitely looks a lot healthier. It’s a lot easier. It’s a lot saner than I used to be.”

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 988.