Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Monster High 2’ on Paramount+, in Which the Live-Action Musical Franchise Reboot Gets Political (Sort Of)

This week in Movies of Great Inconsequence is Monster High 2 (now streaming on Paramount+), the second live-action musical in a 13-year-old franchise that includes piles of animated TV specials based on a toy line that sold hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of dolls and crap in the 2010s. Apparently, enough people streamed 2022’s Monster High: The Movie to warrant this sequel, which brings back the core cast of characters for, well, a little HARD-HITTING political allegory. I can hear you groaning already. 

MONSTER HIGH 2: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: They’re back: Clawdeen Wolf (Miia Harris), Draculaura (Nayah Damasen) and Frankie Stein (Ceci Balagot) are still besties, still sharing the world’s most massive dorm room, still embracing their differences as werewolf, vampire and, um, a cobbled-together abomination, respectively. The truth of Clawdeen’s half-monster/half-human genetic makeup is out, and the same for Draculaura’s secret witchcraft practice, and everyone’s happy and singing, which means Monster High is heretofore the most accepting, inclusive, non-prejudicial school in history, right? Um. Well. Maybe not. Because there’s a new student at Monster High, Torelai Stripe (Salena Qureshi), a cat-person who stirs up an inconvenient truth about a centuries-old war between vampires and witches that still exists everywhere save for inside Draculaura, who’d very much like to be both, thank you. 

Here’s the thing, though: Clawdeen’s newfound popularity and credibility puts her in line to be prefect at Monster High, but Torelai steps in to oppose her, riding a growing wave of anti-witchcraft sentiment. Thus, an ideological battle ensues, between Clawdeen’s inclusive philosophy and Torelai’s intolerant one. This would be a good place to groan if you need to, because politics can be such a DRAG – especially when the bad guy, in this case Torelai, is killing it in the polls. As Monster High politics reach a fevered pitch of singing and dancing and fearmongering, Draculaura sets off to do something about that witch-vampire war, because if anyone can stop it, it must be the daughter of Dracula? I dunno. Guess it doesn’t hurt to have goals. Meanwhile, Frankie is adorable, but they’re stuck in a supporting comic-relief gig, mostly involving stupid jokes about their malfunctioning upgraded body parts. If there has to be a Monster High 3 – and the corporate accountants will likely dictate that there has to be – let’s give Frankie more of the spotlight, K? 

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: The live-action Monster High content (and it’s DEFINITELY “content”) takes all the groanworthy puns from The Munsters and shoves them into High School Musical.

Performance Worth Watching: As in the first movie, Belagot’s take on the naive, but whip-smart Frankie gamely works against Monster High 2’s more annoying qualities. 

Memorable Dialogue: From Clawdeen’s earnest stump speech: “We can’t just live in fear of what we don’t understand – we’re better than that!”

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: As long as there are Monster High fashion dolls and books and video games and other misc. merch to sell, there will be elaborate commercials like this for it. But, I can hear you probably not thinking because no one puts much thought into Monster High at all, what about the message of inclusion and open-mindedness? Well, hooray for Monster High 2 for its message of inclusion and open-mindedness. Gold star. A+. Cookies for everyone. The message sounds very much like the one delivered by its feature-length predecessor, so we’ve covered this ground already. I will admit to being surprised by an unexpectedly complex plot wrinkle, where the figureheads of the opposing ideologies set aside their differences and come together to fight a common enemy, which I’m sure the entirety of the U.S. Congress will take to heart the next time it needs to pass the budget. 

But let it be known that I’m reducing the movie to its base elements, and by doing so, I risk misrepresenting the narrative as something focused and possibly relevant, when it’s a cluttered and meandering thing full of lifeless dalliances between principal characters and their romantic interests, new characters who drop in to deliver a dingy joke or two, and enough puns to take down a herd of rampaging elephant seals. Clawdeen occasionally almost kindles a spark with Deuce Gorgon (Case Walker), there’s a ghost girl who can’t quite control her ability to walk through walls and therefore runs into walls, and an instance of the daughter-of-the-Mummy character saying, “You’ve sarcophagot to be kidding me.” The latter gag really hit home with me, because it so exquisitely expressed my general reaction to this movie. 

Our Call: OK, so Monster High 2 isn’t quite aimed at the middle-aged-dude demographic, so of course I’m on the outside of a phenomenon, looking in. But the irony here is, despite its message of inclusivity, it only caters to its predetermined demographic. And considering that demographic is smaller than the rest of the world’s population – and also the movie’s repetitive reiteration of themes from Monster High: The Movie – I have to say SKIP IT. Numbers don’t lie. 

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.