Jennette McCurdy Says She Has “So Much Shame” From Starring In ‘iCarly’ And ‘Sam & Cat’: “My Ears Burn When I’m Saying Them”

Leave it all to me? More like: leave it all in the past. Nearly two decades after getting her start on Nickelodeon, Jennette McCurdy would very much like people to stop mentioning her time on iCarly and Sam & Cat.

In the premiere episode of her Hard Feelings podcast by Lemonada Media, titled “Shame,” McCurdy revealed the “trauma response” she has when what she calls “those shows” are brought up in the press.

“One of the things that’s really important to me in press, if possible, is that iCarly or Sam & Cat are not mentioned,” she said. “These show titles, you guys, my ears burn when I’m saying them. I have so much shame around having been a part of them. And anybody who’s read my book I know understands.”

She added, “To have been known for so long for something that I did when I was 13 was very shameful for me.”

The former actress, now 31 years old, was able to briefly escape being known for her childhood stardom when she released her bestselling memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died last year.

“It’s so meaningful to me in such a deep way because I felt like finally, I don’t have to carry that shame of my past. Finally, I can be known for something that I do as an adult,” she said in the podcast episode. “Finally, I can be known for writing, the thing that I’d wanted to do since I was a child and was not supported in wanting to do. Finally, I can be supported for me, not for a character. And it kind of washed away that shame, for me.”

However, the book was merely a “band-aid on a bullet hole.” During a stop on her book tour, McCurdy’s “fight-or-flight” response was triggered when a college student mentioned her character Sam Puckett’s iconic choice of weapon — a butter-sock.

“I thought the success of the book would be enough,” she admitted. “When is it gonna be enough for them to forget Sam? When is it gonna be enough for them to stop associating me with the fucking shows I did when I was 13?” 

According to the author — who hopes to one day “not be affected” by her past work — her physical response to seeing the shows mentioned stems from her mother’s lack of ability to see her as anyone other than a character she played on television.

“The more popular that Sam — my heart starts racing faster — got, the more I just felt unseen as Jennette and fundamentally, I think that was coming from not being able to see myself,” she said, before later adding, “I want to be past this.”