Stream It or Skip It: ‘Vanderpump Villa’ on Hulu, Another Entry In The Overserved Hospitality-Reality Genre

Lisa Vanderpump is very good at what she does in both the hospitality world and on reality television. Vanderpump Villa, which is now streaming on Hulu, is her latest show that, you’d assume, she hopes will capture the same magic that Vanderpump Rules has. The drama has moved from the L.A. restaurant scene to a chateau in France and much like a stinky cheese, the overseas drama is pungent, raw, unpasteurized… you only need one whiff to know if it’s for you or not.

VANDERPUMP VILLA: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

Opening Shot: “So what is Vanderpump Villa?” an off-camera producer asks Lisa Vanderpump, who then gives a brief primer on the “dozens of hospitality experiences” she has opened during her career, which has led her to this experiment: opening a luxury chateau in the French countryside. Lisa has designed every last detail and hand-picked the staff in order to give guests a world-class experience. And also in hopes of giving us a new show full of luxe dramaaaa!

The Gist: Lisa Vanderpump has assembled a staff of about ten people at her French chateau, from servers and mixologists to chefs and event coordinators, all of them hand-picked so that they can help give the VIP visitors at this castle the experience of a lifetime. They have also apparently been hand-picked for maximum dramatic backstories and delicate sensibilities; this is a crowd that is just looking for ways to hook up and/or go OFF. In most cases, the cast are strangers, and as they get to know one another, they size up their co-stars to find a partner to flirt with or spar with. But in some cases, a few of these folks already know one another.

…Like, for instance, servers Marciano and Hannah, who dated for three years. They’re broken up now, on account of the fact that Marciano admits to sleeping with every single person he used to work with, but he claims he’s still in love with Hannah. When he tells his new colleagues at the chateau he’s a player, he asks them not to tell Hannah if and when he hooks up with anyone on the premises, but also adds that he’d probably be mad to know if Hannah hooked up with someone there. Sounds like a very 21st century guy. Marciano also gets into a bit of hot water when, after having too much to drink on the first night, he dismisses Lisa with an eye roll and an “Ehhh,” when she tells the staff they need to be “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” when the guests arrive the next morning. She calls him on it, and yet he doubles down on his shruggy, careless attitude. I want her to fire him immediately.

The next morning, mere moments after Lisa tells Telly, one of the mixologists, that staff are never to drink from the bar, Telly and Marciano wait till Lisa is out of the room and take shots, which then leads to Marciano dropping a tray of glass champagne flutes as the guests’ car rolls in. This guy is seriously the worst at what he does (and maybe, from what I’ve gathered so far, the worst in general). So if you’re keeping track, that’s already two people drinking on the job (eventually Marciano and Hannah will also drink directly from the bottles behind the bar, too). The alcohol eventually leads to a screaming blowout between Telly and Marciano within earshot of the guests who are trying to enjoy an al fresco meal on their first night at a chateau that, one assumes, would normally cost a pretty penny to stay in, but, one also assumes, has to be comped because this staff is truly one-star at best so far.

The season progresses with new guests checking in and out over the course of every episode or two, but their stays are mostly used as a way to frame the staff’s drama, i.e. there are only a few minutes before check-in, and something terrible has happened! It’s dinner service but the bartenders are nowhere to be found! No one can figure out how to work the Nespresso machine! Can they figure things out before chaos erupts? Sometimes they can, but usually, they are just servers constantly doing a disservice to themselves with their ineptitude.

What Shows Will It Remind You Of? Vanderpump Villa is the latest show in the long line of “hospitality workers who love drama” shows, like Vanderpump Rules, Southern Hospitality, and Below Deck.

Our Take: There’s such a disconnect on shows like Vanderpump Villa and others in this hospit-reality genre (just made that up, trademark it) based around how we expect to be treated by workers in the service industry, and how they treat one another. Big personalities with penchants for saying things like “Keep my name out of your mouth,” are great TV, we know this. But, like, how much do you really want to tip a person who acts like an asshole? Vanderpump Villa is a show that takes that formula of HUGE personalities with a job to do, and has literally trapped these people together; in the second episode Lisa herself tells her staff that if they weren’t 6,000 miles from home, she would probably fire some of them for their behavior, but alas, we are stranded in the south of France and no one’s going to be removed from the premises just yet because then we’d have to get work visas for some second string employees.

But this show’s most exhausting problem is the way everyone on it is easily triggered and outraged. That, combined with the fact that Lisa can’t outright fire anyone, means we’re stuck with this annoying gang whose competence is constantly called into question. The drama is juicy but feels especially manufactured, it’s hard to believe anyone’s emotions can go from zero to sixty as fast as this cast can. Lisa’s ability to put them in their place and coax some genuine moments out of them during one on one conversations helps slightly, but thus far, it’s hard to want to remain a guest at this villa.

Sex and Skin: Recently divorced chateau manager Eric and server Priscila get a little playful in their bathing suits at the villa’s pool, but there’s not much real hanky-panky so far.

Parting Shot: Marciano and Telly have a screaming match where he aggressively gets in her face, and Telly shoves him. Manager Eric tries to hold her back from him and another one of their colleagues, I think Hannah, then screams, “We’re WORKING!”All while the hotel guests literally strain to hear what all the fuss is. By the way, these guests include a woman who is supposed to get proposed to by her boyfriend the next day, a proposal Lisa emphasizes is meant to be SECRET. I am on pins and needles wondering if one of these doofuses is going to spoil it.

Performance Worth Watching: Marciano is the car wreck you can’t help but crane your neck to see more of on the highway, putting yourself and all of the passengers in your vehicle at risk because you can’t believe how messy it is. On the opposite side of things, Andre, the second mixologist, seems to be a rule follower and a mellow guy who seems intimidated, in the sweetest way, by Lisa.

Memorable Dialogue: “This is not Chateau Shitshow, this is Chateau Rosabelle – that I have created – and you two are not gonna fuck it up!” Lisa tells Marciano and Hannah, after she learns they were drinking on the job despite being explicitly told not to.

Our Call: SKIP IT. It’s entirely possible that this show and its cast will evolve to a group we want to invest in, but this first season feels tired. Might as well hang a DO NOT DISTURB sign on it.

Liz Kocan is a pop culture writer living in Massachusetts. Her biggest claim to fame is the time she won on the game show Chain Reaction.