Dear Richard Madeley: My entitled sister refuses to clean her clutter out of my house

Dear Richard,

My sister has lived in the US for 50 years. When I bought my current house in 2006, she began leaving items of clothing here so she didn’t need to bring much luggage when she visited. Over the past 18 years, she has added to them: at the last count I had five suitcases, a couple of bags of shoes, and about 12 hanging items in bags, with shoes stuffed in at the bottom! She also has a couple of drawers in the cabinet.

I am trying to declutter and have sorted out a lot of my own stuff. When I suggested to my sister that she look through hers and give some to charity she was quite offended that I didn’t want to keep her things at my house, and even suggested we buy some furniture for her to keep them in.

What is the best way to handle the situation? She only visits once every one or two years and hardly wears the clothes. I don’t really have enough space for my things, let alone hers! How can 
I get her to see my point of view?

— L, via telegraph.co.uk

Dear L,

I very much doubt that you can. That’s the trouble with people who have a sense of entitlement. They’re blinkered. They are completely focused on the narrow field of their own wishes and desires and what they regard as their absolute right to have them satisfied. 

Your sister is a textbook example, I’m afraid. She doesn’t regard your (enforced) storage of her ever-expanding clothes rack as a personal favour; something to be discussed and, perish the thought, negotiated. As far as she is concerned, it’s her absolute right. And the fact that you’ve challenged it doesn’t just infuriate her; it genuinely mystifies her. That’s classic entitlement. It brooks no denial. 

Therefore you have no alternative but to take executive action, L. Here’s what I suggest. Calculate exactly how much space you are prepared to set aside to store your sister’s clothes. Let’s say for the sake of argument that it’s about a quarter of what is residing in your spare room at present. 

Photograph everything, forward her the images, and ask her to choose the 25 per cent or so she wants to keep. Then you’ll pack the rest up and give it to your nearest charity shop – or return it to her, if she’s prepared to pay to have it all shipped to the US. 

Declutter your home as you see fit, L. De-entitle your bossy sister at the same time. And don’t feel a shred of guilt about any of it. Entitled people are usually very good at pressing others’ guilt buttons. Don’t fall for it.