“Stop fucking around,” he said. “The issue with president Biden isn’t if, it’s who:  Who’s going to replace him because he isn’t going to be the Democrats’ candidate for president in 2024.

The one thing I know for sure about America is this: It’s run by mean girls, in the press and in politics and in life. When they smell blood in the water, the lust to finish off vulnerable person will never be denied.”

August 8, 2024

“My pick for when he gives it up is August 9, the 50th anniversary of when Nixon did for, of course, very different reasons,” Maher said.

“Replacing a president as his party’s candidate will seem like big deal–for about 3 days. And then we’ll all be over it. America is going to do this.”

He then ran through the pros and cons, with a few jokes thrown in of the possible Democratic politicians who could replace Biden, including Vice President Kamala Harris, California Governor Gavin Newsom, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

He also rattled off some Democratic governors including Maryland’s Wes Moore, Kentucky’s Andy Beshear and Pennsylvania’s Josh Shapiro.

Need for New Characters

Despite dreams of a Michelle Obama candidacy she’s “off living her best life,” and “we’re not going to get a superstar in this draft.”

“We’re at the airport and we just need to be sure we get last rental car,” he said. “Something reasonably safe, relatively clean and not Trump. If there isn’t a dead Girl Scout in the trunk, we’re good to go.”

Maher, who has long criticized Biden’s decision to run for re-election, calling him “Ruth Bader Biden,” spent his monologue bemoaning Biden staying in the race amid calls from Democrats, members of  media and influential Hollywood donors for him drop out.

Maher took aim at Biden’s press conference–the “worst possible thing that could happen.” The president did “exactly well enough so that Democrats have no idea what to do next.”

Maher wondered, “Are we really going to be doing this for the next few months or God knows how long? It’s like horror movie you watch through your fingers — you know something bad’s going to happen. You just don’t know when.”

Turning to specific moments, Maher joked at Biden misidentifying Harris as “Vice President Trump.”

“Democrats will tolerate mental decline but not misgendering,” Maher said before recognizing what’s in common with Harris and Trump.

“How do you confuse Kamala Harris with Donald Trump? One of them sees Biden as the only obstacle to the White House and the other — oh, I see,” he said.

The battle between Biden and Trump is a face-off between “a guy who can barely talk vs. a guy who won’t shut the fuck up.”